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    MST- Tipa's Crystal Chronicles by Dark Amphithere

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    Re: MST- Tipa's Crystal Chronicles by Dark Amphithere

    Post by Soul on Mon Mar 21, 2011 5:05 am


    27. The Guardian

    Spoiler:
    We now return to the Final Fantasy: Miasma Soap Opera.

    Maggie: I'm sorry Jack. I'm pregnant.

    Some guardian that condom was..

    And the Dragon Zombie's the father.

    ...
    So author. Bestiality. You like?


    Jack: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

    JUST KIDDING Very Happy!

    So in this chapter, the Tipa caravan faces off against the golem. Personally, I'm okay with the golem. He isn't too easy or too hard, and he's got a pretty good background. But personally…my favorite boss will always be the Dragon Zombie XD.

    No, really. We'd never guess.

    Also last chapter, my dedication didn't come out somehow, so it was dedicated to m i d n I g h t _ w o l f 6 2 (except without all the spaces Razz )

    So yeah…not much goin' on…so…ON WITH THE SHOW! MUAHAHAHA! *pulls a lever*

    *Display of author's porn bucket pops up*
    DA: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF


    The Tipa caravan found themselves in a large arena. To the right there was a water-filled path that led to the myrrh tree. Scattered around the area were brown remains of something.

    Team prick doesn't know was shit is, apparently.

    "Well, there's the tree," said Sam, pointing. "I guess we ought to go get it."

    Meh, we can do that tommorow.

    "Strange," said Nieta. "For once, I honestly don't think we're going to have to fight for the myrrh."

    Of course, the Lilty girl was mistaken.

    Nieta is female!?
    THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.


    As if they had triggered an alarm, the brown pieces on the ground suddenly began to rise. And all at once, they began to move and cluster together to form a whole new creature.

    You call it Golem, I call it Shitstorm.

    Giant, sturdy arms, with powerful fists connected to a large, stone body that stood on stumpy legs.

    It pains me to remember that this is at least one person's wet dream. And so is this MST.

    Perched on top of the body was a head with gleaming orange eyes. On the creature's head was a crown of sorts, with a green gem embedded within.

    It was shiny...

    "Scanning visitors," came an expressionless voice from the new monster. He seemed to be looking over each caravanner. "No threat identified. Golem is free to let them pass."

    So, what OS does its system run?

    But then the creature shuddered. "No. Scanners indicate miasma on visitors. And scanners identify a monster. Life forms are intruders."

    Probably Linux, it works.

    "What?" yelled Ray. "Monsters? And what does he mean miasma on us?"

    "I think I can guess," said Star, pointing to Mog. The caravanners had forgotten that moogles could survive in miasma, and therefore could be considered "monsters".

    "As for the miasma on us, I'm guessing that would probably be from all the times we've left the barrier," explained Lianora. "And seeing how we all left the crystal's barrier in Moschet Manor, I'm guessing that we all have a hint of miasma on us. Still, I think the golem considers Mog the main threat, and we're allies."

    Mog: ...finally, a little recognition or my badassness-


    "So we have to fight him because of a moogle?" demanded Garrett. "Then why don't we just get rid of the stupid thing."

    This was met by a long silence. Then Mog quietly spoke up.

    Mog: YES PLEASE
    Que: TAKE ME WITH YOU.


    "I can leave if you want…kupo," he offered.

    Play it cool, Mog...nice...

    After these words were spoken, everyone else exploded.

    Yay. Game over!

    "How could you even suggest that?" asked Nieta.

    Mog: no really its fine-

    "Mog is our friend!" added Star.

    Mog: ...bull...

    "Dude, that is so not cool," said Ray.

    Mog: No really, I'd love to gtfo right now, its totally cool.

    "We're not going to get rid of him because of a stupid guard," said Creston. "He holds the chalice for us and he's a valuable companion."

    Mog: ...riiiiiiiight...

    "Alright, alright, sorry Mog," said Garrett apologetically.

    Mog: Shut your face, Bondageman.

    "Point remaining, we have a monster to fight," said Sam, waiting in apprehension for the golem's next move.

    It was waiting for them. Quite politely, it was standard operating procedure when dealing with protagonists.

    "Intruders have come close to the myrrh tree. All intruders must be eliminated," droned the golem. The green gem on its head flashed red.

    Then it flashed Team Prick. What is seen cannot be unseen.

    And with that, the battle began.

    Sam, Nieta, and Ray all rushed forward in a line, but before they even got close to the golem, the golem shot his fists at them.

    Pew pew, pew pew.

    His fists flew off his arms and hurtled straight toward the three.

    Then veered off and took a trip to Jamaica.

    Sam and Ray were both hit by a fist, but Nieta (who had been in the middle) didn't get hit at all.

    Strange, Nieta is usually kinda hit on or totally hit on, but not getting hit on at all?
    Damn, these fists are picky.


    "Guys!" she shouted. "There's a blind spot in the middle of each pair of fists. If you stand there, he won't hit you."

    The golem was now handless, but he still had some minions to help him. Two water flan emerged from the water around the myrrh tree and slid toward the caravanners.

    Definitely not intruders!

    Creston caught sight of this and managed to take one out with a Firaga spell. As the other water flan advanced closer, Garrett ran up to the creature and stabbed it furiously with his spear. The flan only got in one hit on Garrett before it dissolved into miasma.

    'The golem shot his hands…so that means…he's disarmed himself!' thought Creston. "Guys! He can't punch you without any hands!"

    How logical.

    Lianora rushed forward, and swung her hammer at the golem- but as she did so, the golem let out a gas from its body.

    Shitstorm = Wario, apparently.
    Aptly named, I say.


    Slow gas. Ray ran up and distracted the golem long enough for Lia to crawl away. Ray managed to get in two strikes before something strange happened.

    A carrot sprouted limbs and started tap dancing, then it screamed a battle cry and led an army of vegetables down Ray's throat.

    A new set of arms appeared on the golem's body.

    LAME

    With a vicious punch, the golem sent Ray flying backwards into the water.

    "But…his arms exploded!" said Nieta, appalled. "How'd he get them back."

    MAGIC
    How logical.


    "Yukes made this creature," said Creston. "So it's bound to have powerful magical properties. So it can summon its arms back."

    So, if it can summon its arms back, why doesn't it summon the final boss and royally screw Team Prick over?

    "Arms or no arms, I'll still destroy him!" roared Garrett as he rushed forward, lance in hand. The golem however, planted its body on the ground and shot a blue laser at the Lilty.

    Lasers!?
    Well, shit just got real.


    Garrett found himself frozen solid!

    Articuno's Ice Beam always worked wonders for me.

    "Ice…I'm not surprised," muttered Sam, but he ran up behind the golem and struck it on the head. The golem stumbled forward.

    "Seventy percent power left…," the creature stated. "Must work harder."

    He swung two punches at Sam, but Sam dodged them both and managed to get more attacks on the golem.

    ITS ALL ABOUT THE DPS MAN.

    The golem responded by swing his arms around in a circular manner, knocking the male Clavat away. Star took over, running straight at the stone monster. The golem shot both of its arms at her, but Star blocked one with her shield. She ran up and made a few slashes before she was hit with slow gas.

    "Forty-five percent power remaining," said the golem. "Must release maximum power."

    The golem planted itself on the ground, and drew a circle around itself with a red lazer.

    LAZERS!?
    WELL SHIT, SHIT JUST GOT EVEN MORE REALER.


    Star, Mika, and Creston were all within the circle. Fire exploded within the lines of the circle, burning all three caravanners.

    "Yow!" shouted Mika, putting out some flames on her skirt. "That was a little hot!" The Selkie, using her new blizzard ring, sent a Blizzara blast at the golem. The golem froze for a second or two, but unfroze in time to summon back his hands, and to knock Garrett back.

    Creston and Lia were sending powerful spells left and right,

    But not at the Shitstorm, the dumb pricks.

    but always had to stop when the golem sent his rocket fists at them. Afterwards, he knocked all the close range fighters away with his red laser blast.

    "Twenty…percent power….remaining…," said the golem, his voice starting to become distorted. He was struck again by Sam. "Seventeen…"

    "We're wearing him down!" shouted Nieta. "C'mon guys!"

    The caravanners continued to pummel the golem. As the golem was on its last legs,

    He left his spares in the kitchen, next to the ironing board, which he left the iron on, which is still plugged in-

    SHIT


    it caught sight of Mog holding the chalice. It aimed its fist at the moogle.

    WHOOSH! BOOM!

    "Kupo!" squealed Mog, as he fell from the air. Mika dashed over and caught him and the chalice.

    Mog: OH COME ON WHERE THE HELL IS MY PLOT ARMOR!?

    "You son of a bitch!" shouted Nieta, stabbing the golem with her spear. The golem shuddered and twitched.

    "Zero…power…remaining…powering…down," droned the monster. The gem on his head flashed between green and black and eventually settled on yellow. The golem fell apart, its pieces flying off and becoming ruins once more.

    JUST KIDDING 9093012498% POWER REMAINS LOLOLOLOLOL

    "We beat him," said Ray, wiping some sweat off his face.

    "Yeah…," said Star. "How's Mog?"

    Mog: Can I be dead and out of the fanfiction?

    "Injured," reported Lia.

    Mog: OH FU-

    "Stupid monster…Mog didn't even do anything."

    "He was primarily the source of the fight, so the golem wanted to eliminate the main threat," said Creston logically.

    lol logic

    "So attacking the moogle was perfectly justified, in the golem's eyes.

    Nieta glared hotly at the Yuke, hating his cool, calculated views sometimes. "Will he be alright?" she asked.

    "Well we'll take him to Shella, as it's nearby. Someone can heal him there," answered Lia. Creston's blood ran cold.

    "Should we go to Shella?" asked Creston, in a last ditch effort to get the caravanners away from Veo Lu. "I mean, Alfitaria isn't far off. We could find better doctors there most likely."

    Lia looked at him in surprise. "But there are more mages in Shella, and more academics. Surely they would know more about healing?"

    Its a place free of any character development - trust me Creston, its safe.

    "Besides, Alfitaria is too far away," agreed Mika. "Mog needs to be treated NOW. And it'll take us a day to reach Shella."

    Creston nodded in defeat. "Alright. Shella it is."

    Ray returned from the myrrh tree with the chalice filled a third of the way. Everyone but Ray and Creston received their letters. After the gang chose some treasures to keep (with Garrett whining that it was unfair how Mika got the ring),

    Garrett was just asking to be abused. Everyone knew better.

    they left Veo Lu Sluice. Creston stared up at the sky, and then looked over at the city of Shella in the distance.

    "God help me," he whispered too quietly for any caravanner to hear.

    Que: Nah.

    Woo! Done! PLOTTWIST~~

    Favorite Parts: Everyone getting pissed at Garrett, and when Mog was attacked (I didn't LIKE that part, but I think it was well written).

    I liked it and I think otherwise.

    DAMN YOU GOLEM! MOG DIDN'T NEED TO BE PUNCHED! DX

    Although it's kind of funny because this is the image I keep getting:

    Golem: FALCON PUNCH! *punches Mog*

    ...

    So yeah…I personally thought this chapter was a little bland, but the golem doesn't leave much to characterize. I mean, Jack Moschet and Goblin King are easy to give personality…but the golem isn't supposed to HAVE one. So yeah…

    You could always make him a gangster with a top hat and Australian accent who is on a quest to save the world from a ancient curse by using a paint brush and a piece of celery.

    I oughta write that one down...


    Also: Last chapter, I forgot to include this in my favorite moments, but I personally cracked up when I wrote Creston breaking the fourth wall when he mentioned Chapter 5.

    What is this fourth wall you speak of? Chapter 5? Bull. What're you smoking, author?

    Next Chapter: In the quiet town of Shella, a certain caravanner is worried. Creston has faced many monsters, injuries, and dangerous events with calm and logic.

    lol calm and logic

    But can he keep his cool when faced with his biggest fear: his father?
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    Re: MST- Tipa's Crystal Chronicles by Dark Amphithere

    Post by Soul on Mon Mar 21, 2011 5:06 am


    Why hello there people. Que gave me the okay to post a guest chapter because he needs to take a break before the story turns his brain into mush.

    Without further ado:

    28. Cold Fear

    Spoiler:
    *fires a cannon* Good evening…afternoon..WHATEVER TIME IT IS!
    Author covers ALL his bases.

    Currently in the writing world, we are fight hoards of sahagin off, as they desire to be in the story a BIT too much. Fortunately, we are allies with Armstrong and the Golem, so all is well.
    Okay good because I was worried for a second.

    Sahagin: WE MUST GET THEM! WE HAVEN'T MADE OUR APPEARANCE YET!

    Armstrong: You only have to wait…one more chapter…
    These pre-story accolades are amusing to me. This is my face when reading them: Neutral

    So in this chapter, Creston faces off with his father. To all my glorious readers, I am sorry, but you're going to be pissed when I end this chapter, because his past doesn't get TOTALLY revealed.
    Darn, because I was seriously interested in Mr. Sarcastic White Knight.

    On the topic of character chapters, I finally have ideas for Mika and Star, so don't worry about submitting any.

    Enough chitter-chatter. Off we go!
    weeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhh Neutral


    It was slightly chilly, and the skies were a bit cloudy. Two Yukes stood on a cliffside. All of a sudden, the older Yuke perked up. A group of people were walking towards them. They were on rival turf. The cloudy sky rackets were exclusively team prick's. Caravanners, he assumed. There were two of each tribe, and both genders of each tribe. None of them looked particularly sharp. The Yuke spoke to the Yukes of the caravan.

    "Welcome friends," he said. "Let me raise the bridge for you."

    A bridge appeared out of nowhere, shining brilliantly. The two Yukes walked over the bridge. One of the others, a Lilty, made to follow, but the bridge vanished!
    HOLY SHIT IT'S A GHOST BRIDGE OH FUCK Neutral

    "I am sorry, but you must have a Shella Mark to enter," said the old Yuke. Old-fashioned racism at it's best. The Lilty scowled. This would be more intimidating were it not from Garrett. From across the water where the bridge once stood, the male Yuke threw something across to the rest of his caravan.

    "A mark of Shella," commented the male Selkie with a clever smile. "Looks like we're in." He is no longer ray, he is "male selkie".

    The bridge was raised, and the Tipa caravan entered Shella.
    The citizens of Shella had no way of knowing that their very way of life would never be the same.


    "Alright, I'm taking Mog to a doctor," said Nieta. Star and Garrett decided to head with her.

    "I'm going to go explore," stated Mika. All of these were very interesting plans. She walked off, while Ray trailed behind her. She cast him an odd look, and he just shrugged. He didn't have any plans.

    "Fine, tag along," said Mika. Ray nodded.
    He is no longer male selkie, he is "Ray".

    "Should we split up so soon?" asked Sam to Creston. But the Yuke seemed strangely distant. This is a surprise from Mr. Oedipus complex? "Creston?"

    Creston gave a little flinch of surprise. "Oh-oh um…exploring is alright. Shella isn't very large."

    With that, the male Yuke headed off. Sam looked around. Lia had already left without a word. The Clavat was all alone.
    This was not a coincidence.

    "Well then, might as well look around," he mumbled to himself.
    Sam then went off to cry about how nobody liked him.


    "Is he going to be okay?" asked Nieta. She and her friends had found a healer who said he could help Mog. nah

    "He'll be fine, the damage isn't too serious," said the female Yuke. "What on earth happened to him?" It's not serious but HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO HIM OH MY FUCKING GOD.

    "That hulking rockhead at the sluice went berserk and punched him," explained Garrett flatly. The healer looked alarmed.

    "The golem?" she exclaimed. "Oh dear…I'd better tell Amidatty when he gets back. We can't have the golem attacking innocent caravans."
    Team prick? Innocent?

    "Yeah," muttered Garrett crossly. "Fix it AFTER we beat the crap out of it. Great."

    The Yuke handed Mog to Star. "He'll be asleep for a while, but other than that, he'll be fine," she assured. Star smiled.

    "Thank you," she said, bowing her head in respect. "How much do we owe you?"

    "Nothing at all," fucking commies said the healer, shaking her head. "It's always good to help a person heal their friends. No charge." This is what she tells her children when they ask for more than dirt and rocks for dinner.

    "Alright then," said Nieta. "Now what?"

    "Let's go get lunch!" shouted Garrett. Star and Nieta flashed each other a look. That wasn't a bad idea, coming from Garrett's mouth. I didn't know good things could come from Garrett's mouth.

    The three went off to get some food.
    I was unsure about this. Thank you for confirming it author.

    00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

    Sam was walking along the paths of the small town, browsing here and there, while keeping an eye out for his friends. He had only caught sight of Lia once, and he may have glimpsed Ray's hair disappearing around a corner. Sighing at boredom and loneliness, he sat down on a bench.
    He would know ray's hair anywhere. He spent as much time oggling ray's hair as Garrett spent fondling his own.

    Everyone seemed strangely distant and detached from each other. You would be too if you had to travel with team prick. Creston was very quiet lately, and seemed to be a lot more tense than usual. And that wasn't all. Garrett hadn't picked any fights from Veo Lu Sluice to Shella. At all. Nieta was quieter, Mika wasn't as lively, and Ray hadn't made many wisecracks lately. So essentially they all had the same personality now. Even he and Star had drifted further apart, which worried him most of all…wait…why was he so worried about that? He and Star were just friends…even if Sam wanted them to be more.
    Oh gee, it couldn't possibly the last fucking sentence, could it?

    Sam closed his eyes and lied on the bench in frustration. He didn't know what to do to get his friends all together again. But he was afraid it was going to be a lot worse.

    But for a second, he forgot everything.
    This included the traumatic experiences of being with team prick, much to his joy.

    In a flash, he was somewhere else. Somewhere white, and a soft lullaby-like music drifted into his ear.

    Sam's eyes snapped open and he clutched his head.

    "Why do I keep having that dream?" he asked himself.
    GUIZ I THIKN DIS IS A PLOT PIONT


    Creston was moving silently through the town of Shella. He wasn't trying to hide himself. He knew that if he did, he would become more conspicuous. Not to mention, his father would find him. He would always find him.
    This creston fellow sounds like a perfectly sane individual.

    He stayed out in the open. Trying to act normal. Maybe if he acted like everyone else, he would remain hidden…
    Spoiler alert, it doesn't work.


    Lianora walked about the town, not doing anything in particular. She had already seen Shella's green crystal, admired some of the Yuke culture, and talked to some of the townsfolk. She truly felt at ease her. In the other towns they had been to, both had been populated by many Lilties, most of which still carried racism towards the Yukes and Selkies in the times of war (although most tribes carried racism toward Selkies).
    Selkies: umad?

    But her thoughts were interrupted when she bumped into someone. THUMP! Author is a master of onomatopoei.

    Lia found herself on the ground. "Are you alright?" came a voice from above her. She looked up.

    "Yes," she responded.
    Another spoiler alert, it's creston's dad.

    "Here, let me help you up," said the voice. As the man helped her up, Lia noticed two things. One, the stranger was a Yuke. Two, he looked VERY familiar.
    I wonder why.

    "I'm sorry about that," apologized the female Yuke.

    "It's quite alright," said the Yuke. "Forgive me, I did not introduce myself. I am Selstun. But I don't recognize you…are you not from around here?"

    "Um…I'm from the notorious Tipa caravan, we're just visiting," stated Lianora, somewhat nervously. She sensed a smile playing onto the Yuke's lips.

    "Ah…the notorious Tipa caravan…," said Selstun. "You see, there is someone from the notorious Tipa caravan I'm wanting to see…can you take me to him?"

    "Sure…," Yeah, let's tell this strange guy with questionable motives where our friend is. said Lia. "But who is it?"

    "It's…"
    OH NO A CLIFFHANGER. I WONDER WHO CRESTON'S DAD COULD POSSIBLY WANT TO SEE.


    "So you're trying to figure out a way to travel through miasma without a crystal?" asked Ray, impressed.

    "That's right," said De Nam, the Selkie scientist. Ray and Mika had walked through the town of Shella, and they came across De Nam (after Ray got lost twice and Mika had to find him). They seemed to like the Selkie scientist, as they could relate to the man. De Nam's plans and ideas were often ridiculed by other scientists because he was a Selkie.
    And also because he was insane. This was another reason why team prick had no problem relating to him.

    "So…do you have a plan?" asked Mika.

    "I was thinking of going to a place that's heavy with miasma, and has a lot of water," explained De Nam. "Somewhere where I can drink contaminated water. My current list of locations includes River Belle Path, Veo Lu Sluice, Mount Kilanda, and Conall Curach. But I really think I'm going to Conall Curach."
    His body was found soon thereafter. Autopsy showed that the cause of death was miasma poisoning.

    Mika flashed a look at Ray, who tensed up at the mention of Conall Curach.
    OH NO, NOT CONALL CURACH!

    "If I can succeed, then we'll be able to walk through the world and not have to rely on a chalice or myrrh for safety. It'll be something that will help the entire world!" said De Nam.
    "THEY SAID I WAS MAD! I'LL SHOW THEM WHO'S MAD!"

    "It sounds great," said Mika hesitantly. "I hope you succeed."

    "And if you go to Conall Curach, be careful," said Ray. De Nam nodded.

    The two Selkies bid De Nam farewell and walked away very quickly.

    "Do you think he'll succeed?" asked Mika to Ray.
    no

    "I hope he does, Mika," said Ray, his eyes still dark with pain at the mention of the marshy swamp. "I really hope he does. Because there are many awful fates that await someone in that damn swamp."
    Subtle foreshadowing is subtle.


    Creston felt hope rise in his chest. The caravan had been in Shella for a few hours. Sam said that they weren't going to stay there for the night. This meant that Creston was almost in the clear.

    His heartbeat was starting to steady, and he was calming down. He had accidentally brushed past a woman and their shoulders had touched. In fact, why not go back to the caravan now? He'd think of an excuse.

    As he was about to leave, however, a voice cut through his thoughts like an icy, cold blade.
    Thought blood spilled everywhere. The though hospital bill was astronomical.

    "Hello Creston," said a familiar voice behind him. Creston froze, and his heart began to race again. Panic rushed to his head as he turned around. And there he was, standing next to…Lianora? Creston gritted his teeth under his mask. He must have used her to find him. Fucking called it.

    Facing him, was his father, Selstun. Selstun was wearing a helm identical to Creston's except it was a bit darker in color. He had on a purple jacket,
    He was in the pimping business
    as well as a gray shirt and pants. Black boots were on his feet, and his feathered arms were brown, but starting to gray.

    Lianora stepped forward. "Creston, you know this guy, right? I mean I- oh!"
    herp derp

    Realization washed over her as she noticed the similarities between the two. Creston was about an inch shorter, but the two were similar in stature, clothes, and even helmets. Even their VOICES were similar, with Creston's a tad bit deeper. Really? I DIDN'T know THAT. thank you for INFORMING me AUTHOR!

    "Why of course he knows me," said Selstun, warmth in his voice. "He couldn't forget his own father now, could he?"

    Lia thought Creston was acting strangely. The Yuke was standing rigid, and his feathered hands were trembling. He was staring straight at his father. Finally, her friend spoke.

    "He…hello, father," he said, stuttering. This was completely unlike Creston.
    Domestic abuse is a serious matter kids.

    "Why don't we go take a walk together, and catch up a bit?" suggested Selstun. Lia sensed a flash of panic from Creston, but it was so short, she wasn't sure it was real.

    "Alright…," murmured Creston quietly. "Lia, tell the others I'll be back in a bits."

    "R-right," said Lianora. She walked off, and cast one glance back at the backs of the father and son.
    dawwwww, how cute!


    Creston stood by his father, and finally cast a look at him. They were both standing on the deserted shoreline of Lake Shella.

    "So? What do you want?" asked Creston, trying to not show his nervousness.

    Selstun turned to face him. "Don't act like you don't know," said Selstun, his voice a great deal more cold. "You're going to come back and stay with me."
    "Now, you still know how to grab your ankles, right son?"

    "No!" said Creston angrily. "I said I was staying with Tipa and I am!" But his response was cut off by his father's hand around his throat.
    "I SAID GRAB YOUR DAMN ANKLES!"

    "Don't make me do something I'll regret to your friends," hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssed Selstun.

    "You wouldn't," gasped Creston.

    "Try me," threatened Selstun. "I've missed my lab assistant."
    'Lab assistant' eh? Kinky!

    "I am NOT your assistant," Creston managed to get out.

    "No? You've helped me do a lot, haven't you, Creston?" stated his father. "But don't worry, when I discover a way to travel without a crystal, I'll give you some minor credit."
    "travel without a crystal" oh-ho, now we're getting REAL kinky.

    "I'm not helping you," said Creston.

    "You don't have a choice," RAEPRAEPRAEP snarled Selstun. "I'm your father, and you WILL do as I say, or else I'll make you. And you know I'm very persuasive, don't you Creston."

    Creston flinched as memories of beatings and verbal abuse came flooding to his mind.

    "Your mother would be proud," His mother was quite the champion rapist said his father. Those five words caused Creston more pain then he could bear.

    "Go now," said Selstun. "Go back to your stupid, little friends. But you won't stay away from me for long."
    "Hey they're not stu- okay well yeah they are," said creston.

    Creston walked away without a sound. Selstun smirked to himself in satisfaction.

    "FIRA!"
    Well, we have the advantage of surprise right? Let's go ahead and NOT use a powerful spell.

    Selstun whirled around and barely managed to dodge a blast of fire. With a furious growl, he launched a more powerful spell at Creston. Creston's father, while meaner, was more intelligent. Creston staggered, but managed to run off.

    "Damn whelp," cursed Selstun. "I'll get him for that one day."

    Creston ran on. He didn't look back.
    Lamest, climax, ever.

    000000000000000000000

    When Creston made it back to the caravan, he found the others waiting for him.

    "Creston! There you a- WHAT THE!" Garrett's annoyed remark changed to a surprised yelp. Creston was rubbing a badly burnt arm.

    "You're hurt!" gasped Star.

    "Let me see," ordered Lia, examining his arm. After a minute or so, she muttered some words and healed his arm.
    Basic cure spells were beyond creston's ability apparently.

    "What happened?" asked Ray, appalled and curious.

    "An accident. Don't worry," said Creston calmly. But Lia suspected otherwise…
    Really? What did she suspect?

    "Um…okay then," said Sam, rather confused. Soon they walked off and left the town of Shella behind.


    Wow! Done…longer than I expected XD
    You're telling me.

    Favorite parts: Garrett's LUUUUUUNCH moment, That was supposed to be funny? I thought that was a throwaway comment... De Nam, and of course, FATHER AND SON, ROUND ONE. OLOLOL that rhymes.

    I personally like this chapter. Plenty of development, no a tad bit of humor here and there, no but most of all, I think this chapter was deep and filled with cliffhangers. no Particularly with Creston. Particularly no.

    So we meet Creston's father, Selstun. Even the names are similar. OMFG UR RITE AUTHOR UR SO CLEVER Selstun is rather two-faced isn't he? Seemingly nice, and then a cold hearted jerk. Oh wow, you can tell author feels strongly about him if he's calling him a jerk. You'll see more of him. And I bet a bunch of people are pissed about the whole "oh-ho it shall not be revealed yet." ...not really...

    For those anxious folks, just wait 'til Rebena Te Ra. ;D

    I threw in De Nam. For the most part, only Ray and Mika will get his letters. And I'm gonna speed up his er…"research" a bit…so by the time they get to Conall Curach…they'll know…the secret…I am trying REALLY hard not to spoil the game and the story. God forbid you spoil such an interesting plot.

    Anything else? Oh, next character chapter is Star. That's about it.
    I had no idea the [s]humans[/s] clavats had personality to develop beyond white knightery.

    Next Chapter: As the caravanners travel on in their quest, relationships take a turn for the worst, They haven't already? as the caravanners argue and fight as they head down to the Jegon River. Can the relationships be mended? This is a terrible fanfic so yes.
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    Re: MST- Tipa's Crystal Chronicles by Dark Amphithere

    Post by Soul on Mon Mar 21, 2011 5:06 am


    29. Tension Rising

    Spoiler:


    FINALLY. ANOTHER CHAPTER BEING SET UP! HURRAH

    Please do not tell me you're as excited as he is.

    So this is sort of a filler chapter of sorts.

    FUCK YES I LOVE FILLER ALL DAY ALL NIGHT AND-

    The caravan turns against each other on the way to the Jegon River so they can go to the Plains of Fum.

    Strange requirement to cross a river.

    Note: Every character is gonna start being a jerk in this chapter (well, maybe not Star), so don't start hating a character.

    Little late for that.

    They're just all in a bad mood or something

    Lack of chocolate.

    (although you could say Creston and Garrett start it))

    SPOILERS NO WAI.

    Other than that, not much going on. Currently, in the author area, the sahagin have been subdued. We are currently digging up ancient plotlines deep beneath the sands of Lynari Desert. With us, we have a couple of random, useless characters.

    Like Sam, Creston, Ray, Garrett, Nieta, Lia, Mika, Star, that damn stupid King, the Author, the Goblin King, the Dragon Zombie, Armstrong, the Author, Garrett, Quezacotl, Mog, Griffin# 1, Griffin #3, and the rest of their family, along with a cast of thousands.

    Orc King and Griffin #2: HEY!

    That includes you, shitheads.

    Well then, I know why you're here, so lemme stop wasting your time…

    No please. This is more entertaining.

    00000000000000000000

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    A light drizzle was falling as the Tipa caravan made its way through the Vale of Alfitaria. They had left Veo Lu the day before. And well…things didn't look good.

    I understand completely

    The tension in the air was thicker than the miasma in the Rebena Plains.

    Give us something we can actually compare it to. Here's a better one:
    The air was thicker than Garrett was dense.
    Probably not possible, but its an example. DEAL WITH IT.


    Apparently, Garrett had gotten in trouble for fighting in a restaurant in Shella, and currently had a nasty disposition,

    He liked his abuse, he hid it well.

    while Creston was distant from everyone.

    That's different?

    Ray and Mika were both quiet, but they kept glancing at each other.

    That's different?

    Sam didn't know what to do,

    I'd hate to beat a dead horse, but
    That's different?


    and was eventually dragged into the somber mood of the crew.

    Nieta was the one unfortunate enough to break the silence.

    She lost the quiet game.
    LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL


    "So…the Fields of Fum is where we're going next, right? That's in the Plains of Fum, isn't it?"

    I dunno, ask Cresty.

    Silence. Creston jumped to answer first.

    How nice of Creston.

    "Well, Nieta, it can't possibly be in the Plains of Fum," drawled Creston sarcastically. "The Fields of Fum are NOT named after the Plains, and it's a complete COINCIDENCE that they partially share the same name."

    Well, living up to Team Prick's name, aren't you, Creston? Dumb Prick, everybody knows The Fields of Fum are at the bottom of the fifth lake of hell!

    Nieta flushed, embarrassed. "Sorry, I-"

    She, like Garrett, was an avid masochist.

    "No buts,

    But I love my buts!

    and just forget it,"

    Done

    said Creston coldly.

    I c wat u did thar

    "And before you ask something, THINK!"

    That's a rather tall order for Team Prick, oh logical Cresty.

    Nieta remained silent, but Garrett looked over at Creston, his eyes challenging a butterfly that just flicked him off..

    "What gives you the right to tell her what to do?" demanded the male Lilty hotly.

    Creston has all the awkwardly shaped sticks.
    No. I did not forget.


    "It's anyone's right to tell someone to use common sense, which doesn't seem to be so common these days," snapped Creston.

    That makes total sense.

    "Look, I'm sorry but-," began Nieta.

    I JUST GOTTA HAVE MY BUTS MAN

    "Stay out of it, Nieta," said Creston, still staring at Garrett.

    NO MY BUT FETISH MUST BE KNOWN

    "Don't you talk to her like that!" shouted Garrett. Star, who was currently steering the caravan along, made the papopamus pull to a stop.

    It then tripped on its face and broke its reins, which were made of raw stupidity and Garrett's FABULOUS hair. Fortunately, both are a commodity.

    "I'll talk however I want without your orders, grass-head," retorted Creston.

    Elitist much, Creston?

    "Guys, come on-" said Lia.

    "Both of you, cut it out," Mika said.

    "Stay out of this, Mika, it's between me and HIM!" snarled Garrett.

    You're okay though, Lia, you can actually put out a decent thought.

    "Hey, calm down, Garrett. Mika didn't do anything wrong," pointed out Ray.

    Well, she exists, that's a pretty high crime.

    "Neither did Nieta, and look what happened," responded Garrett, his face furious. "You're just sticking up for her because Selkies always stick together."

    OMG HE PULLED THE RACE CARD SHIT JUST GOT REAL

    "Well, every tribe is loyal to each other," said Star, trying to appease Garrett. Ray gave the Lilty a strange look, torn between shock, aggravated, and confused.

    Author, derp is the world you're looking for.

    "Clavats stick with Clavats, Yukes stick with Yukes, and Selkies stick with Selkies," said Sam.

    Mog: ...and I...uh...I'll just gtfo right now...

    "Selkies only stick together because no other tribe would have them. They'd fear for their belongings," muttered Creston under his breath venomously.

    So that no one else would hear it.

    Nieta and Star gasped simultaneously.

    Work on that, Cresty.

    Ray's expression was shocked, but then his eyes narrowed to slits and he bared his teeth.

    He wasn't mad, just slightly irked.

    "You little racist, son of a BITCH!" he shouted, running toward Creston with his paddle.

    The paddle he and Garrett used last night to-

    Sam reacted fast, restraining the angry Selkie.

    It wasn't hard, all of them moved derpfully slow.

    "Mika, help me!" he said, looking for the more rational female Selkie.

    But then he caught sight of Star and Lia holding Mika back from leaping on Creston.

    "Oh yes, gang up on me," said Creston, sniffing with disdain. "Isn't that cheating? But you ARE Selkies…cheating isn't far beneath you…if it's beneath you at all…"

    I think Creston is a little mad.

    "Cheating or not, I'll tie those feathery arms in a knot if you don't shut your trap," hissed Ray, eyes burning.

    Someone cast a water spell, this obviously isn't helping his vision.

    "You're not helping Creston!" shouted Sam angrily.

    No please, make them kill each other, Creston. I'll take you off my non-important-people list.

    "Don't act like you're in charge, Sam!" yelled Garrett.

    YOU DARE DOUBT HIS FAUX-LEADERSHIP SKILLS OF BADASSERY!?
    Even from you Garrett...even from you...


    "Well, then why don't you lead us all!" shouted Sam back.

    Well that was counterproductive - everyone knows Garrett loves his abuse.

    "To our deaths," muttered Mika.

    Well said.
    Jim from Mogworld would glady follow Garrett anywhere.


    "Hey, Garrett would make a good leader!" countered Nieta.

    Everyone laughed. Even Garrett. Jim didn't.

    "Everyone stop!" piped up Lianora, who had been quiet for a while.

    Mog: Hey guys, your little tantrum finished yet?

    "Oh, now Lia's in charge," snapped Garrett with sarcasm in his voice.

    Mog: Nope, later...

    "This isn't going to solve anything," insisted the wise Yuke.

    It'll solve my boredom. Hopefully.

    "No but weapons will," growled Mika. "Lemme go, Lia, and I'll end this pretty damn quickly."

    IMMA GET MY SECRET LAZOR BEAM AND ANIHLIATIFY YOU ALL.

    "Not a chance," replied Lia. "Violence isn't the answer."

    TomSka would disagree.
    [video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4j3HmV0s0s&playnext=1&list=PL926A4F52116318C4[/video]

    "Well, got any bright ideas?" snarled Garrett.

    You forget who you're talking to.

    "I'm sorry, but this isn't easy!" said Lia, offended. "I'm only trying to help!"

    "When we want help, we'll ask for it," said Nieta hotly.

    Then Que said “Oh screw this" with a medium temperature.

    Lia flinched as if she had been hit. "Because this is definitely the way to make things right: insulting each other and threatening to fight. Yes, Nieta, you are so VERY intelligent," shot back Lia, her patience thinning. "Let's all kill each other while we're at it."

    Hypocrite much, Lia?

    "It's very tempting," snarled Creston, gaze still fixed on Garrett.

    HEY GUISE I THINK THEY ANGRY!

    "Oh you damn, upright,

    Well, he is standing, I think Garrett gets this one by technicality.

    son of a bitch,"

    Wrong. Cresty is a female, Cresty's mom was Lindsay Lohan. Half a point.

    growled Garrett, fire dancing in his eyes.

    Need a water spell over here.

    "You've had this coming for a while. I'm going to kick you're fucking-"

    Garrett: uh...your...uh...FINGERS. THAT'LL SHOW YOU!

    A hysterical voice rose among the chaos. "ENOUGH!"

    The author likes to dramatize his own emotions, quite often.

    Eight heads (Mog included)

    Mog: How nice of you to remember me, Author.

    turned around and faced Star, who had left the front of the caravan.

    It took quite a long time to get down, apparently. Even though she was already there.

    She was staring at them all in astonishment.

    Derp

    Tears were streaked down her face, which seemed furious.

    She's not mad, team Prick.
    She's furious.


    Furious. Star, gentle, kind, friendly Star, was angry beyond all belief. The thought was scary.

    WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE!?

    "I can't BELIEVE you're all acting this!" she shouted, her eyes blazing. "Are you all crazy!"

    Does that need to be answered?

    Silence.

    Thank you.

    Then Creston piped up.

    Sigh

    "You can't lecture us-"

    STFU BITCH, MAMA STAR IS TALKING

    "WATCH ME!" interrupted Star. Creston fell silent, dumbfounded.

    Derp

    Nieta was trembling. Lia fiddled with her fingers.

    Mika was awed. Bitch powers were go with Star.

    "We're supposed to be working together, NOT AGAINST EACH OTHER!" screeched Star.

    Sounded like Justin Bieber, looked like him too.

    "Didn't we learn from last time!" She whirled and faced Nieta, who wilted under her gaze. Garrett's eyes were bulging out of his sockets in astonishment.

    HIS ONE TRUE LOVE IN THE FLESH! ALL HAIL JUSTIN BIEBER!

    "We're supposed to be friends! How're we supposed to get the myrrh if we're not!" hissed Star. She was enraged, furious, and sorrowful all at the same time. Angry tears still fell from her eyes.

    THESE ANGRY TEARS FELL TO THE GROUND AND SPROUTED ANGRY PLANTS WHICH IN TURN CREATED ANGRY TREES WHICH-

    "Don't you GET IT!" yelled Star. "If we don't get together and retrieve the myrrh, everyone we care about will DIE!"

    Garrett: OH I GET IT LIKE RAY'S DEAD SISTER WHO IS TORN UP AND ON FIRE AT THE BOTTOM OF A POISONED LAKE!

    Guilt was etched on Mika's face.

    She had taught Star well...too well...

    Ray looked away and shuffled his feet awkwardly.

    Star made him- ...
    Ray still has bed wetting issues, let's just say...


    Sam was staring at Star in amazement and sorrow.

    Dur she was purty.

    "WELL!" she cried. She was met with complete silence. With an aggravated huff, she turned away and walked into the carriage.

    Silence.

    Ray broke it. "I-I'll take the first watch." Everyone else nodded vaguely.

    Creston: THANK GOD I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT RAY STEALING MY THINGS NOW!

    00000000000000000000000000000

    The next day, things were worse.

    Sam had no idea what happened to them. They used to be friends. But now…

    I totally think they should all have killed each other for the lulz.

    Garrett was fuming silently as they walked through the miasma stream, and had snapped at Lia when she attempted to say "good morning" to him.

    Lia was afraid of snapping. Loud noises were scary.

    Lia herself had become withdrawn and quiet after the Lilty's harsh treatment.

    Spouse abuse is serious issue, people.

    Nieta seemed to be quiet as well, and walked near Garrett, pointedly ignoring the others. Ray and Mika were further away than the others, walking close together, taking the other's words to heart and sticking together.

    Racism!

    They would occasionally cast glares at the lonely Creston, who walked by himself, who would either ignore them, or give them an insolent glance.

    DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERP

    Sam, meanwhile, sat at the helm, steering the caravan along, with Mog floating next to him, painfully aware how he could to nothing to mend the bond the caravan once shared.

    Mog: Yeah, nothing I can do to keep this blissful, beautiful silence from ever ending, nope, no way in hell.

    Worst of all was Star.

    The female Clavat was walking far ahead of everyone else, refusing point-blank to talk to anyone, or even LOOK at anyone. Anger radiated from her entire body. She was SCARY.

    And purty.

    The entire journey was carried out in silence.

    Eventually, they arrived in Marr's Pass. They all separated for a while, doing their own thing. Eventually, they all decided to stay at an inn that night. Sam thought that if they all stayed in the same room, they'd be fine.

    Nothing like a group orgy.

    He was wrong.

    ...
    damn, there goes my interest.


    Creston refused point blank to sleep in the same room as anyone, and booked his own room for his own money. Garrett, although in a grouchy mood, agreed to let Nieta stay in his room.

    lol sexism here only the man handles the money.

    Mika and Ray also booked their own room, and they also took Mog with them, saying that the moogle didn't have to worry about racism in the Selkies room.

    OH SNAP OH NO HE DIDN"T

    Sam and Star meanwhile shared a room. Due to the fact that there were no rooms left. Sam would rather stay in a room with the Orc King, Jack Moschet, and the Black Knight, than stay in a room with Star right now.

    ...how romantic

    Sam felt a sweat drop fall.

    0000000000000000000000000000

    Lia was in trouble.

    Creston had booked a single room. And everyone else was rooming with their own tribe. And no rooms were left open. This was a BIG problem.

    She'd slept outside before. The homeless in Marr's Pass were notorious.

    "Oh god," she muttered to herself. "I don't want to sleep in the hall on the FLOOR! People will think I'm homeless!"

    You sorta are.

    Sighing, knowing that she should at least TRY to bunk with someone, she knocked on Creston's door.

    "Who is it?" came a wary voice from within.

    YOUR DADDY CRESTON KEH HEH HEH HEH

    "Lianora," the female Yuke replied.

    LAME

    "It's unlocked," said Creston. Lia didn't know whether or not this was an invitation to come in or not. She decided to go with the former.

    Creston was currently setting down his supplies. "What is it?" he asked calmly.

    "I-er…I don't have a room…and I was wondering if I could stay here…I'll sleep on the floor and everything…"

    Creston: ...by everything, just what do you mean...

    Creston looked at her. He wanted to help her. He really did. But if he let her stay…she could get involved with his problems. No, he'd be better off sleeping alone.

    His bed wetting problems?
    Jee, he and Ray have a lot in common.


    "I'm sorry…but I…I really need to be alone right now," he said, sighing heavily. "Forgive me."

    Lia walked out of the room. "It…It is fine," she said simply. But deep down, her heart felt like it had just been stabbed.

    Cresty is such a gentlewoman.

    She tried the Lilties next. Nieta was her best friend, after all. She knocked lightly.

    Nieta opened the door. "Lia? What's wrong?"

    Lia: YOUR FACE LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

    "I was wondering if I could stay the night-" began Lia.

    "No," came a firm voice from inside.

    No soup for you.

    "Garrett…," said Nieta, her tone exasperated.

    "I paid for a single room, and I already have you in here," came an annoyed reply. "There's no room, and besides, right now I'm feeling a little too loyal to my tribe. So the answer's no. And I paid for this damn room, so what I say goes.

    Garrett. You're stupid. Two girls, one guy. How is that a bad thing?

    Nieta cast Lia a sad look. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

    "It's okay, I understand," responded Lia. And she did.

    Garrett was damn stupid.

    It was either Clavats or Selkies. Normally she'd go with Star and Sam, but…Star was a bit frightening as of the current time.

    O rly?

    With that thought, she walked to the Selkies' room.

    It was Ray who got the door.

    He could sell in on eBay for 9000 gil! Score!

    Lia searched his eyes for any anger or disgust, but she only found curiosity in those blue irises.

    RAY'S EYES ARE BLUE REMEMBER THAT PEOPLE!

    Lia got the impression that the Selkie was smarter than he acted.

    No one knows the sad man behind blue eyes.
    Wait, I'm getting deep here. QUICK DO SOMETHING FUNNY QUE


    "Lia," he said simply, opening the door further. "What's up?"

    "I don't have anywhere to stay for the night, and I was wondering if I could bunk with you two…"

    Ray's cocked an eyebrow. "What about Creston?" he asked.

    "He said no. Same with the Lilties."

    "Oh, so you asked us last!" came Mika's accusing voice from within the room.

    Of course not, I-

    "Sweetheart, calm down," said Ray. "She came to us before the Clavats, so don't get your hair in a twist."

    ...I wasn't paying attention earlier, what did the Clavats do to piss off Selkies?

    "I'm NOT your sweetheart," retorted Mika angrily.

    Just a long-short-term one. Temporary, y'know?

    Lia shuffled her feet anxiously. "Well, is it a yes?"

    Ray gave her a stare. "You do realize, we're not gonna be prim and proper. Mika may throw a couple things, and we may act a bit rowdy. And we have no racial respects or graces."

    Lia sighed. "Ray, after today, I'd rather we not have anything racial period."

    Interracial, however...

    Ray's eyes softened a tiny bit. "Come on in." he said, ushering inside. "Set up your bunk over here…"

    00000000000000000000

    Sam was lying in his bed. Star was doing the same a few feet away.

    SO THAT'S WHAT BEDS ARE USED FOR!

    Her back was turned to him.

    Such a tease

    She hadn't said a word the entire night. Sam himself couldn't sleep. Guilt and sorrow was clawing at him, particularly his heart. He looked over at the female Clavat he was in love with.

    Wait. Backtrack.

    WOAH WOAH WOAH BACK THE FUCK UP

    In love with?

    WHAT!?

    He was in love with Star?

    CRAZY OMG!

    'Wow…I knew we were close but…," thought Sam. 'I'm in love with her. I really am…'

    ...

    "Star?" he asked tentatively. "Are you awake?

    "What is it?" came the frosty reply. Sam flinched.

    He was turned on all the way up to eleven, and then some.

    "I just want to say…I'm sorry for what happened…I never wanted it to be like this," he said cautiously, choosing his words carefully.

    Star rolled over and faced him.

    I didn't tell you to roll over, Beethoven.

    The look in her eyes made Sam feel even worse.

    She was laughing her ass off.

    "Well it's done now," she said. "Not like it'll change anything…"She was about to close her eyes…

    "I…you're right…but I'm sorry for what happened…and you're right…friends shouldn't fight like that…"

    Star opened her eyes and stared into Sam's own. Star's thoughts began to race. And then she remembered all of the awful things she had said to the others.

    She had been just as awful as them.

    ...huh?

    Star broke down. Tears started to rush out of her eyes. Sam was instantly by her side.

    Sam learned how to teleport? Overpowered, yet?

    "Oh Sam…what have I done?" she whispered, face glistening. "Where did it all go wrong?"

    "I-I don't know," he responded sadly. "But it will get better. You'll see."

    "Are you sure?" asked Star. Sam pulled her into a warm embrace. Star felt her heartbeat speed up.

    "I know it will be," he murmured softly into her ear. Still holding as tenderly as a child, that was how the two Clavats remained for most of the night.

    Keep in mind, this is a filler chapter. None of this really happened.

    00000000000000000000000000

    Jack Moschet: That…was…so…BEAUTIFUL! *sobs*

    *pushes him aside* Get out of here, you! So now, er…yeah

    Favorite parts: Star's lovely speech, Ray helping Lia out, and Sam and Star.

    ...
    lovely?


    Don't get any dirty ideas about the co-ed rooms, perverts.

    Little late, oh great author.

    Creston's sleeping alone,

    Aw yeah...

    Sam and Star are well…just hugging,

    Of course...

    Ray won't try anything while Lia's around,

    Or will he?

    and Garrett's an idiot.

    No, really?

    Every character is a jerk, but deep down they're all okay. I personally like Nieta, Sam, and Ray in this chapter. On the subject of Ray seeming smarter than he looks, I'd like to point out that NONE of the caravanners are "stupid" (not even Garrett).

    YOU'RE FUNNY AUTHOR

    Garrett is much more smarter than Creston in physical weaponry and such, but Creston is smarter in magic. It's a BALANCE.

    Right. Cresty totally isn't overpowered. Not at all, being able to cast Blizzaga right away.

    COUPLES ABOUND! Big Sam and Star chapter, although Lia and Creston and Mika and Ray are closing in a little. Sam finally realizes his true feelings! HUZZAH!

    Well, other than that…not really much going on here. Next chapter isn't going to be long.

    Phew

    Next Chapter: After the enormous argument, the gang decides to try move on a little. They finally arrive in the Fields of Fum, and meet some interesting characters on the way.
    Interesting?
    PFFFFAHAHAHAHA

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    Re: MST- Tipa's Crystal Chronicles by Dark Amphithere

    Post by Soul on Mon Mar 21, 2011 5:06 am

    30. Aftermath

    Spoiler:
    Well…here we are…AGAIN!

    Don't remind me.

    *plays an organ*

    OH GOD STOP

    Time for another chapter! This one's gonna be short. It shall consist of the following:

    The gang trying to make amends.

    OH YAY MOAR FILLAR

    The Jegon River

    Gurdy.

    AND THAT'S JUST ABOUT IT. With tiny snippets of arguing and romance, eh?

    Stfu, Canadian

    After this chapter though…we've got ACTION COMING! SELEPATION CAVE, BABY! WOO-HOO!

    Someone clearly hasn't been taking their pills.

    I'm running out of ways to start the show, so I'm just gonna be spontaneous now!

    That's different?

    It's been forever since I've updated. I'm REALLY sorry…I've been busy with school and such, and more laptop issues.

    Ah well. Either way, enjoy!

    *clicks a button on a remote, and the chapter unfolds*

    Author's porn collection pops up.
    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU


    Nieta yawned and stretched as she was the first one awake…again. She rubbed her eyes and glanced around. A small beam of sun was shining through the window,

    And directly into her eye,

    and Garrett was still currently sleeping, soft breaths and occasional mumbles escaping from his mouth.

    Garrett:

    Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
    Everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together,
    Brighter than a lucky penny,
    When you're near the rain cloud disappears, dear,
    And I feel so fine just to know that you are mine.

    My life is sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
    That's how this refrain goes, so come on, join in everybody!

    Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
    Everything that's wonderful is sure to come your way
    When you're in love to stay.

    Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
    Everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together,
    Brighter than a lucky penny,
    When you're near the rain cloud disappears, dear,
    And I feel so fine just to know that you are mine.

    My life is sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
    That's how this refrain goes, so come on, join in everybody!

    Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
    Everything that's wonderful is sure to come your way
    'Cause you're in love, you're in love,
    And love is here to stay!


    Nieta looked over at him fondly. When he was issuing death threats, he was kind of cute.

    HE'S SO DEEP AND BROODY WHEN HE STABS HIS ENEMIES WITH A DIRK AND DRINKS THEIR BLOOD AND HE'S SO CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE

    Wait. Garrett was NOT cute. He was brash, impulsive, easily angered, slow to forgive, rude, obnoxious, and battle-hungry.

    And cute.

    Understand fanfiction girls.
    I will never.


    Not to mention he stood up for her in front of the others, and let her stay in his room. Nieta sighed. The last couple of days had been hard, what with the arguing and all. She felt as if every member of the caravan was having a war.

    Hopefully they all lose.

    With a shake of her head, she began to prepare for the day.

    By inscribing HACK on her forehead and bashing her arms against a tree.

    00000000000000000000

    Behind his bronze helm, Creston's eyes fluttered open. He looked around his empty room, until memories of yesterday found themselves planted in his head. He felt wracked with guilt, as he had been rude to everyone, particularly Lianora when she asked if she could stay with him. He scratched his neck.

    He would have to apologize, and soon. This wasn't a good time for the caravan to argue.

    000000000000000000000

    Mika yawned and stretched, and scratched her back, as she glared at the shining sun from her window.

    The sun's first Ray always had the habit of streaming straight into her eye every morning.

    "Morning already?" she muttered.

    "Morning, beautiful," came a familiar, aggravating voice.

    Mika whirled around to see Ray, sly look and all, sitting cross-legged with a cup of coffee in his hands.

    He stole it.

    "You're up before me?" was Mika's response. Ray's smirk didn't falter.

    ...well, we know he's up to something

    "I can get up on time when I want," he said.

    I'M ALL GROWN UP, BITCH!

    "Right…," said Mika, glancing at him. She noticed black bags under her companion's eyes.

    He had the strangest interest in the strangest of piercings.

    "You didn't sleep much did you?" she asked casually.

    "Did you?" he shot back, eyebrows raised in curiosity.

    "I don't think anyone did," replied Mika coolly.

    Mog: Oh I did,
    BUT NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT ME


    "Well, ya got me there," said Ray, before leaving the room to get breakfast. Mika tried to get to follow him, but had to crawl out of the jubilee of blankets on top of herself.

    I’d complement the author's use of the word jubilee if it were used right.

    Then she noticed.

    Took her long enough.

    Ray's dark blue blanket was over her body,

    It had hundreds of stains all over it.

    while Ray's own cot only had a sheet on it.

    So spartan

    Mika stared at the comforter in her hands.

    "Bastard…he's trying to get me in his debt…and that was a really sweet thing to do," she growled.

    meh, I get Mika. She's quite insane.

    0000000000000000000000000000

    Sam opened his eyes slowly.

    CUT
    Sam, do it slower...aw yeah...slower


    He yawned, and blinked a few times, his vision blurred. He opened his eyes completely and saw…

    Star. Wrapped in his arms. Her arms around him. Sleeping peacefully. In the same bed.

    AW YEAH

    How many things could you find wrong with this picture?

    What picture? I NEED A PICTURE MAN I'VE GOT A SHITTY IMAGINATION

    Sam was mortified, not only at the awkward position, but because Star was starting to stir. She opened her big eyes, and looked up at him squinting.

    DAMN he was fugly.

    "Good morning Sam," she said sweetly, before burying her face into her pillow. Then she shot up quickly, eyes nearly popping out of their sockets.

    "Sam!" she shouted. "What the- why are we- and you- IN THE SAME BED!"

    Apparently everyone in the caravan suffers amnesia every morning. Must be Garrett's perfume.

    "Star it's okay, it's okay," urged Sam, trying not to cause the others to hear. "We just both fell asleep in the same bed, no big deal okay? It wasn't anything…," Star looked straight into his eyes and he paused for a moment. "…personal," he finished.

    Smooth, real smooth, Sam.

    "Alright, well…I'm going to go eat breakfast," stated Star. She got up and left the room.

    "God

    Yes?

    she's beautiful,"

    What the hell're you smoking?

    said Sam quietly to himself.

    Oh, nevermind me.

    To say breakfast was strained was an understatement, in Lia's opinion.

    Reminds me of my house during the morning. So much as even speak to me before I’ve eaten my breakfast, and you’ll be piecing youself together-

    Oh wait. Its Lia’s opinion. It does not matter.


    Everyone ate in silence. Even Garrett and Ray had nothing to say. Tension was flooding the air, but so was guilt.

    Garrett: HEY RAY I'M SO SORRY YOU SISTER IS TORN APART AND DEAD AND ON FIRE AT THE BOTTOM OF A POISONOUS LAKE! I REALLY SHOULD STOP MENTIONING THIS, BUT I HAVE TO NOW!

    And so, still in silence, they left Marr's Pass, and headed to the west, towards the Jegon River.

    Lia heard voices as she was walking, and then saw a group of five people talking on the side of the road.

    "Everyone, look," she said, pointing and breaking the silence. Garrett, who was steering, pulled over.

    "So you're saying that this is a model of the world?" asked a Yuke, staring at the brilliant object in front of him.

    "Yes," said Gurdy, nodding. "It is of great value, both in science and gil."

    For SCIENCE!?
    BUY IT MAN


    "I must have it!" exclaimed Amidatty, the brilliant (yet somewhat eccentric) leader of the Shella caravan.

    I APPROVE OF THIS STALWART MAN

    "Good sir, how much does this item cost?"

    "Hmmm…I'd say…around…10,000 gil," responded Gurdy, after thinking a moment.

    Psh, I can make that in a single night.

    "Uh…," said Amidatty, after checking the caravan's wallet. "We come up a little short…"

    ...lame, brah...

    "Well, perhaps I can make an acception," said Gurdy.

    RAWR THIS SENTENCE ANGERS MEH

    "How much do you have?"

    "About 5,000 gil!" said Amidatty.

    ...

    "Amidatty, that's all of our money-" Eleanor began.

    Gurdy struck a thoughtful pose.

    He did so by having only one thing on his mine.
    DERP


    Amidatty watched him on tenterhooks.

    ...what?
    Edit: Well damn, that's one obscure idiom...


    "I'll accept that offer!" declared Gurdy.

    "Oh, thank the gods,"

    Anytime, good man.

    said Amidatty. He handed Gurdy the money and reached out to take…

    "A loaf of bannock," said Mika incredulously.

    Totally worth it. I became a total badass by eating a loaf a bannock this one time.

    They had all seen the event that had taken place. The item Amidatty just bought turned out to be an item that could be bought at Garrett's mill for one-hundredth of the price.

    "You really shouldn't eavesdrop," said Gurdy reproachfully. "It's a very dirty thing to do."

    ...
    Oh, they've done dirtier things.
    Like eat off the floor. DAMN THAT IS UNSANITARY.


    "So is lying," responded Creston silkily. Gurdy winced. Sam and Star were both giving him shocked and disgusted looks, while Lia had her arms folded. Ray was cackling on the ground, clutching his ribs, and Garrett was attempting to hold in his laughter, shaking all over. Nieta gave the other Lilty a weird look. Mika gave Ray a swift kick to his no-no spot, and that shut him up.

    "Well er…how about a poem?" asked Gurdy, changing the subject. He cleared his throat.

    Then choked on a hairball and blew up.

    Lonely mushroom bursts to flame
    In the land that quicksands claim.

    "Now then…," said Gurdy. "Would you like to buy a model of the world?"

    I would. FOR SCIENCE

    Garrett had to be restrained before he harmed the cowering Clavat.

    Eventually the group made it to the Jegon River. Apparently Garrett had received a letter from his dad saying that there was a man there that would take them across the river. And so they arrived at the river.

    They saw a strange girl that was dressed like a Selkie, but her hair seemed like it had the Lilty's trademark tuft. They saw a couple of other random people, but not much else.

    HEY GUISE I THINK THIS IS IMPORTANT TO THE PLOT IN SOME STRANGE WAY BUT I'M NOT SURE SO I WON'T WRITE IT WITH CAPS LOCK ON BUT CRAP I DID ANYWAY-

    The river was rather large and clear, with a clear, shining crystal shining in the middle of it. And nearby stood a magnificent vessel, a large boat resting on the blue water. A short, somewhat grizzled Lilty was standing on the deck. His blue eyes looked over the caravanners as they approached.

    "Ahoy there, lads and lassies," he said. Ray was about to make a pirate joke, but Mika, who foresaw his comment, shot out her hand and covered his mouth.



    "Good day," greeted Star. "We would like to cross the river. Will you ferry us across?"

    "Aye, of course, girl!" said the Lilty, grinning. "But you'll have to pay. But don't worry, it's only 50 gil per head. By the way, I'm Tristan the sailor."

    Sam fished out 100 gil, and looked at Star. "I'll cover you," he said, smiling. Star smiled in return.

    'He's such a gentleman,' she thought to herself dreamily.

    ...remember, kids, the quickest way to a woman's heart is money! Especaily prostitutes, they're risk-free!

    Ray managed to sneak 50 gil out Sam's wallet when he wasn't looking.

    OMG THIEF THIEF THIEF THIEF THIEF GTFO MAH STORE

    Creston and Lia both paid for themselves, while Mika used her feminine wiles to get a discount. She only had to pay 25 gil.

    Que then used his feminine wiles and got his readers to let him stop MSTing this damn chapter.

    Garrett searched his pockets. "Ah…shit…um…uh…,"

    Its not very effective...

    he mumbled to himself. Nieta glanced at him.

    "What is it?" she asked.

    Garrett smacked his forehead. "I wasted all my money on that damn room…"

    Nieta looked over at him, then looked at Tristan. She handed him 100 gil. "That's for me and my friend here."

    Tristan looked at her and nodded. "Alright ma'am…," he said. Then he looked over at Garrett. "I thought it was the man's job to treat the lady?"

    Garrett is special, please make an exception.

    Garrett's face flushed. "What's that mean?"

    "Well I mean, your girlfriend shouldn't have to buy things for you-"

    "Sh-she's not my girlfriend!" shouted Garrett. Nieta just giggled.

    "Aye, then why are ya gettin' all flustered, lad? It's nothin' to be ashamed about!"

    "Maybe he's ashamed that an old man knows more about girls than him."

    "ARGH! SHUT UP CRESTON!"

    Well there ya have it. An end to a pathetic chapter.

    Que is unbelievably hapy.

    Favorite parts: GURDY, Sam's…situation, and Garrett's embarrassment at the end.

    I've always liked Tristan. He seemed cool to me. XD And Princess Fiona makes a cameo. You'll catch her in there somewhere if you squint.

    Or if you punch Garrett in the face. It worked for me.

    Not really much went on in this chapter. It was more developing chapter. Sort of like, uh…fluff. XD

    YES PLEASE MOAR FILLER

    More romance, and I REALLY tried not to overdo it. I mean…I don't want this to become like Twilight (NO OFFENSE TWILIGHT LOVERS) where romance blocks out everything else.

    TAKE OFFENSE TWILIGHT LOVERS YOU ALL SUCK

    If I'm starting to overdo it, PLEASE TELL ME!

    Please stop.
    Now.


    Next Chapter: Things are starting to look up for the caravanners, as they move onto their next location. Selepation cave is long and large, and it's incredibly windy.

    Everyone gets blown by the incredible wind.

    When one caravanner gets lost, what will happen?

    YES FINALLY SOMEONE DIES HELL YES

    (Anyone can guess on who will get lost. If you get it right, I'll answer any question you have. But only one).

    dur...
    um...
    RAY
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    Quezacotl
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    Re: MST- Tipa's Crystal Chronicles by Dark Amphithere

    Post by Quezacotl on Mon Mar 21, 2011 4:47 pm

    31. Harsh Winds: Losing a Friend
    Spoiler:


    Oh boy! Time for another chapter. Currently here we are hard at work doing nothing…except typing.

    Doing nothing is always fun, hell, I get paid to do it.

    In this chapter, we begin Selepation Cave. And a certain caravanner gets lost (hint: it's the one that has no sense of direction).

    ...hmmm...
    um...
    ...
    well, that's not much of a hint...


    How will he/she survive?

    You can probably guess how I'd answer this. But hopefully not.

    Uh…not else going on here. Gigas and Lizardmen galore! There will be no recurring Gigas because they only appear in this level. Very Happy I was going to give them Scottish accents, but I sadly decided against it.

    A little racist there, eh?

    So…*peels away this author note, revealing the story*

    Author accidently tears story in two, revealing porn collection.
    Author: FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUU


    Let's get on with it.

    IMMA BULLSHIT THIS UP NOW

    000000000000000000000000

    Star looked around the area that they were in, wind blowing on her face, causing her hair to float with a peculiar sensation. "It's so beautiful," she murmured in awe.

    The dicks drawn on the wall really make this place a lot more welcoming.

    Creston and Sam nodded in agreement. Selepation Cave certainly surprised them. It was incredibly large, and there was a light snow falling in the air.

    Giggity

    The ground itself was rocky and snow-covered. Old bridges were here and there, as were old elevator shafts.

    Giggity

    All in all, it was very serene, peaceful. There were only two things about Selepation Cave that weren't peaceful at all. One was the monsters.

    [s]Well, if you left, they'd happily go back to their orgy[/s]
    Yeah, totally.


    The other…

    Whoosh!

    "Whoa!" shouted Garrett, being swept off his feet by a particularly large gust of wind. He landed on his butt with a loud THUMP!

    He got up and did it again, the masochist.

    Meanwhile, Mog, who was attached to a rope that was tied around Garrett's waist, was being blown by the wind, but could not be swept away from the gang (the ingenious idea came from Ray, who remarked on tying stolen goods to his body so they wouldn't fall off of his person.

    Props to you if you can guess how this turns out.
    I'm surprised that racist Cresty hasn't thought of this yet.


    They were all dressed in baggy clothing, except for Ray and Lia, who hadn't foreseen the cold.

    The brilliant pricks they were.

    Creston had allowed Lia to snuggle up in his cloak whenever they weren't fighting.

    Cresty refuses to admit her lesbian tendencies

    The other caravanners were huddling together for warmth…well except for a certain bickering duo.

    "Come on Mika, it's stupid cold out here! Let me share with you!"

    "Like hell! One minute you'll try to be in my cloak, the next you'll try to be in my pants!"

    He just wants to get warm, y'know?

    "…is that a bad thing?"

    Not really.

    "YES!"

    Prude.

    Sam sighed. "Ray, you'll just have to cope. You honestly should've brought more clothing."

    Ray gave the Clavat a glare and muttered something under his breath.

    Ray: DERKA DUR

    Creston stiffened. "Trouble," he warned. The gang turned and looked over to where the Yuke pointed.

    A pretty butterfly and a battalion of tiny worms.
    Shit just got real.


    It was like a weird insect gallery.

    The Sophmore locker bay at Que's school.

    First there was a large black creature that looked like an enlarged version of a horned beetle.

    A Freshman.

    Its armor gleamed, and it had a set of sharp jaws. The next creature was a large yellow monster that floated in the air. It had long gangly arms, and deep red eyes. It was a killer bee.

    A Junior

    The final creature in this team was a jellyfish, which was not really an insect, but creepy crawly all the same.

    A Freshmen, they just don't fit it-
    Wait....did he just say-

    OMG CREEPY CRAWLY HOW WILL WE EVER SURVIVE

    "Let's roll!" shouted Garrett, rushing in, yanking poor Mog with him.

    Nice plan, Garrett. Ray definitely didn't foresee this.

    The rest of the Tipa caravan followed him hastily.

    The beetle entered the battle first, and its large horn moved against Garrett's spear. As the two weapons collided, the beetle pushed Garrett's spear out of the way and gored the Lilty with its horn.

    Garrett's intent all along. Damn masochist.

    "Gah!" shouted Garrett, which was followed by a stream of swearwords.

    LIKE FUCKING HELL WHY DON'T YOU DROWN AT THE POISONOUS LADE AND SET YOURSELF ON FIRE LIKE RAY'S SISTER!

    He threw his spear furiously at the beetle.

    ...brilliant

    But the armor simply caused the spear to bounce off.

    Worthless. A lot like Garrett.

    Mika was busy killing the jellyfish from afar. Two shots from her racket killed the electric monster, and it died quickly.

    Needless to say, it was thunderstruck by her hideousness.

    Ray and Sam were having trouble. The killer bee they were fighting seemed to take no damage whatsoever from their attacks.

    "Why won't this thing die!" asked Ray to Sam. Sam shrugged quickly, before ducking below an attack.

    "You can't kill a bee without using gravity," explained Lia, dodging an attack from a beetle.

    Ever hear of a flyswatter? No? Good, those things are illegal in twenty and a half countries.

    "Here, give me space."

    Gladly, you smell like shit.

    Lia charged up a gravity spell and aimed it at the bee. The insect managed to dodge,

    Piccolo would approve.

    but Lia managed to hit it on the second try.

    Piccolo would not approve.

    It hit the ground hard and died instantly. Creston was charging up a spell for the remaining beetle. But as he cast it, it did no damage.

    "That armor's magic resistant," he realized. "How're you supposed to kill the dratted thing?"

    Well, they're fucked, game over, let’s go home.

    Nieta ran forward, an idea coming to mind.

    Suicide bombing? ALRIGHT NIETA!

    As Star held off the monster from the front, she slid under the beetle.

    That stripper practice was totally going to pay off.

    She used her spear and carved along the monster's stomach.

    It made a purty jack-o-latern

    A loud screech of pain told her the strategy worked. Satisfied, she rolled out from under the beast just as it fell over. It rolled feebly on its stomach, which Star stabbed, finishing the fight.

    "It just keeps getting easier, doesn't it?" remarked Mika sarcastically.

    SHUT YOUR FACE MIKA

    "Indeed," said Creston.

    As they advanced further into the cave they found one of the elevator shafts they had seen.

    Giggity

    "Cool!" exclaimed Garrett. "Maybe we can use it to get further into the cave!"

    "It's not unguarded," said Sam, pointing. There were three lizardmen there. One of them was twice the size of the other two.

    Giggity

    "Sheesh, that thing is huge!" exclaimed Nieta.

    Hey, that one is sexual too!

    "I guess if there are larger goblins, there are larger lizardmen…"

    I guess if there are larger lizards, there are larger Pricks...

    "Bigger they are, the harder they fall," commented Lianora,

    The longer a story goes, the more cliche it gets.

    firing a spell at one of the smaller lizardmen. It caught sight of the spell and managed to roll out of the way, hissing with fury.

    Peppy would approve.

    "You dirty rassscalsss," it growled. "We'll ssshow you!"

    Garrett: HA HA! You'll never be able to show me if I blind myself!
    Lizardman: FINE! I'll tell you instead!
    Garrett: HA HA! I won't be able to listen if I chop my ears off!
    Lizardman: ...dammit man, what're we supposed to do?


    "Lesss talk, more action…," snarled the large lizardman.

    "Yesss, Sssnair," hissed the first reptile. All three of them ran forward. Creston and Lia acted quickly. Working together, they sent a large ball of fire at the three lizards. The poor creatures went flying over the edge.

    "Idiotsss," muttered Ray. "Well, how about we make use of this elevator, eh?"

    Everyone squeezed into the tight space, and the elevator began to rise. Sam began to hum a little to lighten the atmosphere.

    DERKA DERKA DERKA DERKA DERKA DUR

    Garrett glared at him.

    It was four derkas and then a derp, the damn fool.

    "We don't need uh…hmmm…what do you call it when someone hums in an elevator?" he asked.

    "Elevator music?" suggested Mika.

    "Yeah, that's good," said Garrett, nodding. "We don't need elevator music, Sam."

    Sam looked a bit stung. "I'm sorry I just-" "ROOOOOOOAR!"

    Gee, you might want to get that checked, Sam.

    "Whoa Sam, calm down!" exclaimed Nieta, eyes wide.

    Garrett: Think whiney thoughts! It calms me down right away!

    "It wasn't me," said Sam, shrugging. Then they realized they were at the top of the elevator. And what made the noise.

    It was a Gigas. It looked like a mini version of Jack Moschet, except that it wasn't dressed in fancy robes, and had a wilder appearance.

    Derp

    "Grrrr!" grunted the beast in a low voice. "Intruders, I see! Well then! Some more meat for me tonight!"

    Good day, Yoda.

    "Psssh," snorted Ray. "Eat the Lilties, they've got more meat on their bones."

    Its mainly fat, don't try it.

    "And then he'll use us for toothpicks," pointed out Creston.

    "Actually, I'd just eat all of you," said the Gigas in a mild tone.

    Good plan.

    "You're not all that frightening," said Mika, arching a brow.

    Nor are you that smart, Mika.

    "Well, I try not to- I mean…HEY!" shouted the Gigas. "Don't play mind games with me!"

    "If a mushroom falls down in Mushroom Forest, and no one hears it, does it make a sound?" asked Creston, chuckling.

    Yes.

    The monster furrowed his brow. "Uh…I mean…"

    "That's a cheap ass question," said Garrett critically.

    I've solved cheaper and less cliche.

    "And an easy ass question too," said Ray.

    DERP

    "What's the answer?" asked Nieta, curious.

    DERP

    "Either way, the mushroom fell down," said Ray, rolling his eyes. "Why should it matter if someone heard it or not? It still happened, either way."

    "Well I think-," began Lia.

    SHUT UP

    But she was silenced by a loud WHAM! The Yuke went sprawling across the snowy ground.

    THANK YOU

    The Gigas shook his head, fist in the air. "I'm confused…that makes me angry…REALLY ANGRY! TO HECK WITH EATING YOU! I'LL JUST KILL YOU FOR THE HECK OF IT!"

    Please do.

    He swung a fist at Garrett, but only struck a glancing blow. Garrett fought back with a flurry of swift stabs, while the Gigas retaliated with an icy gust of breath. The Lilty was frozen solid.

    "Creston!" shouted Sam. "Unfreeze him!"

    "Do I have to?" asked Creston. "This is so much of an improvement."

    Que agrees

    "Creston!" shouted Sam angrily.

    "Okay, okay," said Creston quickly. He cast a clear spell on Garrett. Garrett glared at him.

    "I heard every word," growled the short warrior.

    "I was hoping you did, so I wouldn't have to repeat it," countered Creston coolly.

    "Guys!" snarled Mika. "Quit arguing and pull your weight!" She dodged a blast of ice, and managed to knock the Gigas back with her weapon. The beast staggered backwards.

    "Pests," he growled. "Stronger than I thought though. However, I'm not about to be defeated by the likes of- URRRRRGH!"

    The monster looked down to see a point protruding from his stomach,

    IS IT TIME FOR RAINBOW BLOOD!?

    dark blood pouring out.

    LAME

    His red eyes widened before a loud groan escaped his throat. The Gigas fell to the cold ground, and didn't get up. Nieta pulled her spear out of the body, with an expression of disgust.

    "Ew…monster blood," she said, pulling a face.

    The eight of them moved on, and were eventually walking along an icy path.

    "Be careful not to fall…you could sustain a concussion," warned Creston. "Don't worry Garrett you'll be fine with that thick skull of yours."

    Actually, none of them need to worry. They're all mad already.

    "LISTEN YOU!" snarled Garrett loudly, but Mika covered his mouth.

    "Don't speak to loud!" said Nieta. "You may cause an-"

    Rumble!

    Good word Nieta

    The ominous noise came from above, as rocks lodged in the sides of the cave came tumbling down. Rocks fell from the ceiling far above, too far to see, appearing out of the darkness and heading towards the Tipa caravan.

    "Avalanche," finished Nieta quietly.

    O rly?

    "Watch out!" Sam's shout was buried in the sounds of tumbling stones. The avalanche came cascading down, and continued to do so for well over a minute. Eventually, all the dust cleared, and the stones stopped falling.

    Sam was standing with Star and Lia in the middle of four big boulders.

    Damn lucky, they are.

    Nieta and Creston were a ways away, shaking their heads. Over towards the edge of the ice path were Ray and Garrett, with Mog floating in the air near Garrett's head, his ears twitching from the noise.

    "Okay guys," said Sam softly. "We need to be careful. We can't speak loud, and now there are cracks in the path. So step lightly, move slow, and do NOT slip! Understood?"

    I CAN NOT MAKE IT MORE CLEAR THAT YOU SHOULD NOT SHOUT OR SPEAK FOR LONG DURATIONS OF TIME AT A LOUD VOLUME BECAUSE THAT WOULD CAUSE-

    Seven heads nodded in response.

    Including Mog, ignoring Garrett, who got distracted by a pretty butterfly.

    "Okay; let's go," said Sam.

    Everyone started to move, with Creston and Nieta making it across to the entrance of a new section of the cave. Sam and Star made it next, with Lia trailing behind them. Things were going well. But then they saw it.

    They would never forget the day they say it - they would never forget the incident

    Garrett was moving cautiously along the path, with Ray right next to him. The Lilty was doing fine until…

    "Whoa…whoa!" he yelped, losing his balance. His feet came out from under him, and he landed with a loud noise.

    The other seven held their breath.

    At molasses speed, Garrett made his way to his feet, smiling at the fact he hadn't fallen off or through the path. Sam breathed a relieved sigh. Nieta grinned at Garrett's success.

    GREAT SUCCESS!

    C-R-AAAAAAACK!

    I like it.

    The noise came from over where the two remaining caravanners stood. But not from where Garrett had fallen.

    "Shit!" yelled Ray,

    STFU NO SHOUTING OMG YOU ARE SO STUPID RAY-

    as the ice under his feet shattered. The shards of ice fell down below, taking Ray with them.

    ...

    "No…," gasped Creston, his voice hoarse.

    ...

    "RAY!" shouted Mika, her voice hysterical. Garrett's eyes were staring at where his best friend had just been a moment ago. He tried to form words, but couldn't manage it.

    ...

    "Come on Garrett," whispered Lia sorrowfully. Garrett managed to make his way across the rest of the way.

    ...

    "Well…we'll have to move on," said Sam heavily.

    ...

    "What about Ray?" asked Nieta, trembling.

    "There's nothing we can do for him now…," said Sam. "We'll have to find him later…"

    "If he's still alive, that is…," said Creston bitterly.

    HEY AT LEAST HE'S NOT TORN UP AT THE BOTTOM OF A POISONOUS LAKE AND ON FIRE LIKE HIS SISTER!

    "What do you mean!" demanded Garrett, stunned. "He's gotta be alive."

    Correct. Lest we forget, this is a fanfiction - serious issues are a no-no.

    "It's highly unlikely," said Lia, shaking her head sadly. "That fall was a big one. And if he survived, how will he stay alive without the chalice's protection? And then there are the monsters…"

    Silence. Mika was thinking in her head.

    'Ray…you can't be dead…'

    00000000000000000000000000000

    "Ah damnit," groaned Ray, rubbing his back. "That was some fall I had, hunh?"

    ...
    Soul, how the fuck did he survive that?


    He looked around, and found that he had (luckily) landed on a lower section of the cave.

    "Ow!" he said, wincing suddenly. He had just felt a sharp pain in his entire body. "What the-"

    Then realization hit him. "Ah…crap…I'm outside of the barrier, meaning miasma's gonna get to me…well…this is a problem."

    NOT REALLY! PLOT ARMOR, ACTIVATE!

    He felt another pain, and decided to use a cure spell. He rubbed his head.

    "My head hurts enough from the avalanche and fall," he moaned loudly. "How am I supposed to keep this up? Ugh…well it's a matter of life and death, Ray Zul, so you're just gonna have to stop moaning and do something about it-"

    A sharp hiss came from behind him. Ray turned sharply to see an enormous lizardman, bigger than the one before. Its body was covered in scars.

    Don't be worried - he's probably a lousy fighter.

    "Oh, a challenger, eh?" asked Ray, smirking. "Bring it on!" 'Damn…I'm talking a big game, but I don't have a high chance of winning!'

    ...

    The lizardman charged at him, its sword colliding with his paddle. Ray ducked as the blade swung again, and gave the reptile a swift kick. It staggered backwards, groaning in pain.

    "Take that, scales!" taunted Ray. He felt pain from the miasma. He healed himself with a striped apple this time.

    Crack has amazing healing properties.

    "Okay the-" he got hit by the cutlass. Hard. Taking that, combined with the miasma, Ray felt exactly the same way he had felt before he healed himself.

    Worthless, just like Garrett.

    "Damnit…can't let him hit me again…," said Ray. "What am I gonna do?" He racked his brain for ideas.

    The sword swung again. Ray dodged to the side and shot two blasts at the lizardman. Was it possible he could win? The beast definitely seemed tired now.

    Ray ran up to get a finishing blow. He dashed forward and swung his paddle.

    And missed.

    Good work Ray.

    The furious lizardman grabbed the Selkie and slammed him against an icy column. Ray's paddle fell from his hand. The reptile's hand tightened around Ray's throat.

    ...

    "Ugh…I'm not done yet," growled Ray. But then he felt it. The miasma. It had hit him again. And this time, he couldn't cure.

    "So…this is it," gasped out Ray.

    As the lizardman let out a victorious screech, Ray's body went limp.

    YES SOMEONE FINALLY DIED HELL YES

    00000000000000000000000

    Egads! This was definitely one of my favorite chapters so far.

    Favorite parts: The Gigas argument, the avalanche, and Ray's desperate battle.

    AND DEATH

    Selepation Cave isn't my favorite level, but it is a very good one. Lots of different enemies and such.

    Okay fine—I'll get to the part everyone's probably wondering. Ray? What happened to him, eh? He's left the crystal chalice's safety and got destroyed by the lizardman and miasma. Is he really gone? All I can say is, it doesn't look good.

    Yeah, he's dead. And Que is happy.

    I have another question- are my author's notes too long? Too annoying? I'm just really curious…someone tell me. XD

    They're more interesting than the story.

    Next Chapter: Their number decreased by one, the caravan moves deeper into the cave to collect myrrh. But can the Tipa Caravan complete their mission without Ray's assistance? And what is the Selkie's fate?
    DEADER THAN HIS SISTER WHO IS A LITTLE TORN UP AND ON FIRE AT THE BOTTOM OF A POISONOUS LAKE
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    Re: MST- Tipa's Crystal Chronicles by Dark Amphithere

    Post by Quezacotl on Tue Mar 22, 2011 8:10 pm

    32. A Grumpy Gigas and the Sahagin Swarm

    Spoiler:

    OMG ALLITERATION ALREADY THIS CHAPTER MUST BE CREATIVE.

    New Chapter Time! This is Part 2 of Selepation Cave (NOT THE BOSS)

    So yeah…this is gonna be a sort of angsty chapter…due to the last chapter.

    Good thing I forgot what happened. Probably wasn't important.

    Razz Sahagin and Cockatrices shall now appear. There will be three recurring sahagin. Razz

    Names:
    Fuck.
    This.
    Shit.


    In the lovely author's world, we are currently sailing across the ocean in Tristan's boat, having an epic battle with Selkie pirates. Very Happy

    It's an on and off battle, sometimes we meet for steak and lemonade, other times we bring steel and guns, but only on casual fridays.

    But you didn't come to hear about that.

    Truthfully, that sounds more interesting.

    You came for the story!

    No, I came here to heighten my own ego by bashing your work, making sexual references, and making unfunny cracks and allusions that only I understand.

    lolSnowden


    00000000000000000000000000000

    The seven remaining caravanners moved on, their spirits low, as they advanced deeper into the cave.

    Mog: I for one, am very happy. I just gotta be a rebel.

    The loss of Ray had hit them all hard. Sam felt as if he had failed as a leader,

    I say nay to that, your pseudo-leadership skills could never get any better!

    while Garrett felt guilt that it was his own mishap that caused Ray to fall in the first place.

    It was - everyone knew Bondageman loved his abuse, no one would give it to him.

    Mika was oddly quiet, and felt strangely alone now that the other Selkie had gone. Everyone else just grieved silently.

    This paragraph makes me happy, time to go grief GG2

    They were walking along the inner area of the cave. There were many water puddles along the ground, as well as groups of stalagmites coming up from the earth. Creston glanced around at the area. It was quiet.

    DERP

    Way too quiet.

    DERKADUR

    Not an enemy had been seen, heard, or SMELLED.

    only shitheads use all caps to convey the importance of something

    It was odd. And it worried him.

    Then he heard it. Splish.

    You call that a splash attack? C'mon, Magikarp, show'em a real Splash attack!

    Creston whipped around to face the water puddle, but found nothing there.

    I respect Cresty, suspecting formations of liquid for enemies, like the cabal of communists in the clouds is a thing only brilliant people do. Such as myself.

    Looking closely, however, he saw the water rippling so slightly, anyone could have mistaken it for remaining still.

    But Cresty had seen a few ripples in his time - he could tell this was shopped.

    Nieta looked back at him.

    Damn, Cresty, I forgot how ugly you were.

    "What is it Creston?" asked the Lilty.

    Did a group of pathetically easily to kill monsters just tease you by rippling the puddles of water you are so paranoid of?

    Creston shook his head.

    "Nothing," he assured her. But he had his doubts…

    There was something out there watching them. Keeping an eye on their every move. He heard it again.

    Splish.

    DODGE THAT SPLASH MAGIKARP!
    NOW USE SPLASH ATTACK, MAGIKARP!


    He stopped and turned slowly, trying not to attract attention. Again, he saw nothing.

    Cresty, your visor is down, dumbass.

    Or was it nothing? Willing the others to stop, he began to walk back in the direction they had come. The other six looked confused.

    DERP

    "What's he doing?" asked Garrett. Star shrugged.

    Creston kneeled down to the ground, and felt around closely.

    What is this strange material - water, I've read about it... in a book...

    It was wet,

    STOP THE PRESSES

    yet water was dripping from the ceiling, and none of them had splashed in the puddles.Looking even more closely, he saw strange splashes of water. They look as if they were…footprints. But where had they came from? Creston's gear like brain was turning, as he thought quickly. And almost subconsciously, he glanced toward the puddles. Lia walked next to him, examining the peculiar water forms. Then she too gazed toward the pools. Then they heard a faint bubbling.

    This was it.

    "Everyone, quick!" shouted the male Yuke. "Get away from the water!"

    Now, if I were Cresty, I'd just drop a hunk of Francium in the pool of water. Sure, the resulting explosion would blow me to pieces, but hell, nothing a cure spell couldn't fix.

    As he said this warning, green shapes shot out from beneath the water. About four in all.

    One shape was a triangle, another was a square, the third was a pentagon-notice the pattern here?
    What shape is the fourth one?
    A FUCKING OCTAGON, WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE BITCHES!?


    The creatures that emerged were very strange indeed. They were reptilian in appearance, but not in the same way the lizardmen had been. These creatures had long gangly arms and legs, each with fins on them, and long whiplash tails. They had gills on their necks, with ugly face bristling with sharp fish teeth and a crested fin on top.

    That's hawt.

    "Well…well…," hissed one, its voice whispering and sibilant. "More caravanners coming into our beautiful home…"

    "Yes, this place is a masterpiece - the dicks drawn all over the walls really add to the atmosphere of the place.

    "Well…dinner will be plentiful tonight!" rasped another. Without another word, they attacked.

    Creston managed to cast a quick thunder spell on the first sahagin, stunning it, leaving Garrett to stab it.

    Naturally, Garrett got distracted by a pretty butterfly.

    The Sahagin swiped its fin at him, but missed.

    Bondageman was disappointed.

    Mika then ran up, and beat the creature down, killing it.

    "Whose next?" she snarled. The three sahagin exchanged glances.

    "derp"
    “DERP"
    DERPADUR"


    "Let's get out of here!" they hissed together. "We'll remember this, Selkie girl!" And they ran off.

    Eat your heart out, Team Rocket.

    "Tch, cowards," she said, still angry. She grabbed the dead sahagin and dumped the body in the pool.

    Why

    The caravanners watched it sink, and eventually, they couldn't see the corpse as it sunk into the black depths below.

    "How deep do you think it is?" asked Star uneasily.

    Here, I'll attach a weight to your foot and throw you down. Swim back up and tell us after you reach the bottom.

    "If I could make an educated guess,

    PFFFFFF EDUCATED

    maybe 90 feet," said Creston thoughtfully. "So if you can't swim, don't fall in, because no one will be able to swim that deep.”

    Quezacotl can, of course - without taking a breath, of course.

    The caravan had an uneasy laugh before moving on.

    After a few more battles with sahagin, and a couple of thundara spells, the gang arrived at the waterfall.

    This author is so descriptive - hell, I feel like I'm one of the fucking caravaners, just mute, invisible, and intangible.

    "It's really rather nice if you ignore the threat of monsters attacking any minute," said Lia. Nieta nodded in agreement.

    She loved the dicks drawn all over the walls.

    Garrett rolled his eyes.

    He had drawn more in his room - they'd love it there.

    "We're not here to sight see," he growled. "If we were here for just that, this would've been a lot easier."

    "He's right," said Star. "As nice as this area is, we're still in an area with miasma. We have to stay on our toes."

    Garrett took this words to thought. He stood on tip-toe and lost his balance, falling into the waterfall and sinking rapidly due to his bondage armor.

    At those words, two sahagin burst from the waterfall, while another creature ran out of the shadows. The monster was bird-like, with green and purple feathers. It had a golden crested head, with dark eyes.

    Sounds like one of my teachers.

    It was a cockatrice.

    More sahagin began to appear from the water, following the original two.

    The 249th annual Sahagin family picnic would be one to remember.

    "Shoot!" said Sam. "This is what happens when you stay still for too long!"

    Everyone rushed into the fray. Garrett immediately stabbed a sahagin in the throat, and moved onto another one. Creston was casting spells as fast as he could, while Nieta covered him. Mika used her speed to pummel two of the aquatic creatures. Lia was moving quickly, using her staff to the best of her ability, while Sam and Star fought the cockatrice side by side. But no matter how many sahagin were killed, more seemed to appear.

    Sam stabbed at the cockatrice, but it beat him back with its wing. Star jumped forward, but rolled backwards as the avian breathed a poisonous gas toward her.

    It smelled like sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows.

    "Shoot…how can we kill it if we can't get near it?" asked Star.

    DERP MAGIC

    "I'll figure something out," answered Sam, thinking.

    Garrett was holding off a sahagin with his spear, as another one leaped behind him.

    LEEEEEEEEEROOOOOY JENKINS

    Mika shot it out of the sky with her staff, and it fell down.

    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

    Garrett spun around, his spear taking off the heads of both monsters.

    Everything is more hardcore with spinning!

    He leaped next Mika.

    "Tricky little buggers, aren't they?" she commented.

    ...

    "Yeah…where are they all coming from?" asked Garrett.

    DERP

    "I don't know," called Creston from afar. "This isn't the sahagins' native habitat.

    Sahagins: Uh...um, okay, we'll just stand here...uh...yeah....

    They come from Conall Curach primarily.

    Sahagins: Lies.

    Sahagin enjoy water thick with miasma.

    Sahagins: Its sorta like Selkies and Striped Apples - don't judge us.

    Perfect for them to hide in."

    Sahagins: Yeah, but it often reeks. You'd have no idea

    "You think you're so smart about us!" growled a sahagin,

    YOU WITH YOUR FANCY GOOD GRAMMAR AND VOCAB-...COMPLEX WORDS

    running up to the Yuke. "We'll make short work of you. We have greater numbers."

    O rly?

    "But we have greater strength," retorted Creston, firing a fira spell at the beast.

    Ya rly

    All the while, Lia had finally figured out just how these monsters were coming from.

    ...
    You've got to be kidding me, are they fucking blind?


    "Someone cover me!" she shouted. Garrett ran over.

    "You figured it out?" he asked, struggling with a particularly ferocious specimen.

    It politely backed off, like a proper particularly ferocious specimen.

    Lia nodded. "It wasn't easy," she said.

    Remember this, Lia is one of the smartest on team Prick.
    Yeah. They're screwed.


    "But I've got it."

    It's some pretty damn advanced theory, but I think I have a valid idea! THE SAHAGIN ARE COMING FROM THE WALLS! WE MUST ERASE ALL THE DICKS FROM THE WALLS!

    Garrett grinned, but then his smile turned into a grimace. The sahagin had moved under his guard and stabbed him with its tail.

    How dare they break the monster's gentlemanly code of stupidity?

    "Garrett!" shrieked Lia.

    "Forget about me!" snarled Garrett, spitting out a mouthful of blood. "Cast the damn spell!"

    Lia paused to think, and then focused her magic and then yelled out "BLIZZAGA!"

    There was a great bluish flash, and Lia's target was frozen. But it wasn't a sahagin or any other monster.

    Well, that was pointless.

    Lia had frozen the waterfall and the lake below. This way, no more sahagin could jump out.

    NO WAI THAT IS SO DAMN SMART OH MY GOD LIA SHOULD BE A TACTICIAN!

    "Alright, Lia!" shouted Mika, dodging an ice spell cast by a sahagin. She finished off her opponent.

    The numbers of sahagin were thinning, and Sam had figured out the monster he and Star were facing.

    Wut

    But just as he was about to strike a finishing blow, the cockatrice let out a yellow beam from its beak.

    A beam!?
    ...
    SHIT JUST GOT REAL


    Sam dodged, but Star had not seen it, and she was hit. Star couldn't feel her body, and as she looked down she saw it become consumed by stone.

    OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

    "Star!" shouted Sam. But it was too late. Star had become petrified. Sam turned to the cockatrice, and angrily sliced it in two. Just then, Nieta stabbed the last sahagin.

    "Let me see," ordered Creston. Sam moved, while Creston examined his stony friend.

    So, if all cockatrices can shoot beams and turn people to stone, is it alright if we call them stoners?

    "She'll be fine," he said. He cast a simple clear spell on her. Star's body returned to normal. She rubbed her head.

    ...
    Overpowered, Clear might be.


    "What happened?" she asked.

    Well, this one time at band camp, in the middle of winter...

    "You were petrified," said Creston simply. "Everyone, come to me for a cure spell. Lia, help Garrett. That wound looks serious."

    SERIOUSLY STUPID LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

    As everyone got healed, Sam, who was uninjured,

    Lame

    stared at Creston. The Yuke was older than him by three years, more experienced, and smarter.

    DERP He's SMRT

    Why wasn't he the leader? The way Creston took charge, confident and strong, made Sam think at the leader the Yuke could be if he wanted.

    Really, Sam? After you just confessed your love for Star?

    Sam shook his head, thinking. If Creston had been the leader, not him, would they be a better team? Could he have stopped that fight?

    Sam surely has the shittiest memory - Creston starts most of the arguments.

    And would Ray still have been with them?

    Hopefully not.

    "Sam." Star's voice cut right into the Clavat's thoughts. He looked up quickly. "We're moving on. C'mon, let's go!"

    Sam got up, and scratched his back. As he did so, a howling gust of wind battered the caravan.

    "The wind is stronger," mused Lia aloud. "We must be getting closer."

    The caravan was met by another obstacle soon: A Gigas, a jellyfish, and another cockatrice.

    "So, another group of caravanners after the tree, eh?" thought the Gigas aloud. "How'd you manage to slip by the other Gigas?"

    A cardboard box.

    "You mean the one that was outside, guarding the way in?" asked Creston. "Oh, he's dead."

    That thing has sharp corners, you would not expect it.

    "WHAT!" roared the Gigas. "You rotten filth! That was my brother! Now you'll pay!"

    Thus the battle began.

    *cue cliche fight-scene music*

    Sam aimed for the cockatrice, hating the wretched creatures for what they did to Star, but it dodged nimbly to one side and sent a poison cloud towards him. Sam caught some of it, and coughed.

    REMEMBER THAT COUGH PEOPLE IT'S ESSENTIAL TO THE STORY.

    Creston and Mika were both aiming for the jellyfish, but it kept avoiding their attacks as well.

    It had taken many lessons from Piccolo.

    It sent a thunder blast at Nieta, who had been too busy dodging the cockatrice's petrifying beam. The Gigas aimed a vicious punch at the paralyzed Lilty, and sent her flying into a wall.

    A loud crack was heard, and Nieta fell to the ground. She didn't get up.

    ...
    More death!? I LIKE THIS


    "NO! NIETA!" snarled Garrett, trying to run to her. But a blast of fire flew past his head, stopping him.

    ...how?

    "Garrett, calm down!" yelled Creston, arm extended. "We'll take care of her after! Focus on the fight!"

    "But what if she's not okay!" demanded Garrett. "You heard that crack! What if she's-"

    If she's dead, Que'll be happy. If she has a concussion, don't worry, she's not losing any smarts.

    "It won't matter if you die too!" shouted Creston. Garrett gave him a hot glare that truly showed the two's hostility towards each other.

    Tension between these two? Since when?

    "Garrett watch out!" shouted Lia, as the Gigas towered over him, taking a deep breath.

    Roaring, Garrett turned around and stabbed the Gigas in the throat. Its deep breath was cut short by a gurgling noise, and as Garrett yanked his spear out of the wound, it fell to the ground. Still angry, Garrett ran up to the cockatrice, whacked it with his spear, and sent it flying over the edge of a cliff.

    Pro Tip: Garrett is slightly mad.

    Sam stared in shock.

    Sam: DER-
    OH HELL NO QUE I'M NOT THAT FUCKING STUPID, YOU...YOU......hey, a butterfly...


    "Oh my," whispered Star. Garrett wasn't done. With one quick motion, he hurled his spear at the floating jellyfish.

    That worked so well before, remember?

    Direct hit.

    Well, forget anything I just said.

    The spear sailed straight through the electric monster, and stuck itself in the stone wall around them.

    "There, we're done," growled Garrett. He ran over to his fellow Lilty. "Now, c'mon, is she okay!"

    Lia was already there, checking the body. She was silent for a moment.

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

    Star felt a sinking feeling in her chest. They had already lost Ray, they couldn't lose Nieta, too!

    Que is preparing the party hats.

    Lia then let out a relieved sigh. "She'll be fine.

    ...

    The crack you heard was her left arm. Good thing she's right handed, eh?"

    Oh, I'll gladly fix that.

    "She…she's okay?" asked Sam uncertainly.

    "That's a relief," said Creston.

    Not for Que - where the hell am I going to put all these party hats?

    "She'll be unconscious for a bit, I suppose," said Lia.

    Hopefully she gets some sort of amnesia that somehow makes her smarter.

    "So I think we can wait for ten minutes before we enter through that doorway."

    Wut

    Everyone turned and looked. There was an enormous, worn down wooden door. It looked as if the wind had beaten it down. Creston looked at two strange wind chimes near it.

    "What could these be for?" he asked. He poked one with a feathered finger. It made a small noise, and moved back and forth. He thought for a moment, hit the other one, and then hit both at the same time.

    PUZZLE TIME

    The door opened as if a key had been put into it.



    As it did, a large gust of wind came flying through, and knocked most of the caravanners backwards. Garrett fell off his feet, taking Mog (who was somehow still attached to the Lilty's stomach after all this time) with him.

    Mog: ...yeah, it...it's been fun...

    As soon as Nieta came around, the caravanners headed in.

    Woot! Done another chapter. I personally think this one was only average at best.

    Favorite Parts: Sahagin swarm, and Garrett's rage (Number Two!).

    Well…Nieta's fine. I enjoyed the suspenseful moment.

    Party killer.

    Garrett and Creston have a brilliant relationship. Their rivalry is probably one of the top ten things I like in this entire story.

    O rly? It'd say its more cliche than saying don't judge a book by its cover.

    Other than that, not much. Nieta's just fine, I can't really do anything bad to her after what I did to Ray.

    NO I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT RAY! YOU MUST WAIT! MUAHAHAHA!

    With luck, he's dead.
    But this is a fanfiction, so...


    Next Chapter: The Tipa caravan battles the giant cave worm. The source of the wind in the cave is a ferocious beast indeed. Will they be able to destroy it, bringing peace to the quiet cave? And if they do, what then?

    SWEET RAVE PARTY.
    IT MUST BE DONE.


    Sam: I've been sent to ask for a review again. So…yeah uh…please review.

    LAME
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    Re: MST- Tipa's Crystal Chronicles by Dark Amphithere

    Post by Quezacotl on Sun Apr 03, 2011 4:10 pm

    33. Miasma Tolerance

    Spoiler:
    Well, for once I'm starting the chapter normally…

    Thank god.

    LIKE HECK! Why would I do that? That would just suck. Razz

    ...
    yeah...
    it uh...would...
    /depression


    So the only real thing in this chapter is the Cave Worm fight, and some character development.

    Author's Nonsense - My anti-depression.

    Nothing more, nothing less.

    Damn, no sweet rave parties?

    But I get the feeling this'll be a pretty good chapter. Very Happy So why waste time talking about it? *distant explosion*

    Yay, explosions, needs moar.

    Not that I can wait any longer anyway, right? *runs off*

    000000000000000000000000000

    Star's hair was being blown harshly by the wind

    Giggity

    as they entered the deepest chamber within the cave. She looked around. It was a very wide section, with long walls, and a somewhat low ceiling. Two jellyfish were simply drifting along through the air slowly.

    Dan: Hey Dave, I'm a Jellyfish!
    Dave: So am I!
    Dan: Shut up Dave, you take the fun out of everything.


    Creston stood very still. "We've got company," he noted. Everyone adjusted their attention to what Creston had seen.

    Over at the other end of the cavern, blocking the only other way out, was a very peculiar being.

    A purty butterfly?

    It seemed to be a large fleshy creature, with golden armor around its body.

    That's a golden idea.

    Its many legs were short and stubby.

    LOL LIKE AN AMERICAN

    As if someone had flicked a switch, the monster came to life,

    Oops my bad.

    its gold armor moving to reveal a wide gaping mouth lined with sharp teeth…really sharp teeth.

    Pro Tip: Your readers are stupid, so remind them that this monster has sharp teeth every two sentences.

    The monster drew in a shuddering breath and breathed out. An enormous gust of wind hit the caravanners, with most of them struggling to hold their ground.

    Mog did otherwise - he let go of the ground and drifted off to Nirvana.

    "What is that thing?" asked Nieta.

    Someone's ex-girlfriend.

    "A cave worm," explained Lianora.

    Hers, apparently.

    "A very rare creature. They enjoy the cold, and use their powers of breath to blow wind and make the temperature colder. They are known to enjoy eating anything they can get their teeth on,

    LOL LIKE AN AMERICAN

    but they have a strong preference for our tribes.

    LOL RACIST AMERICAN

    They use their deep breathing to draw in their prey because they are not very mobile."

    LOL LIKE AN AMERICAN

    "The girl's a walking encyclopedia," muttered Garrett.

    LOL NOT LIKE AN AMERICAN - THEY STUPID

    But his comment was interrupted by a loud sound. The cave worm seemed to breathing in, its body convulsing and shuddering as it took in a huge gulp of hair. The caravanners struggled to stand their ground (and a couple of them fell over). Suddenly the cave worm stopped taking in air. The next moment, it let out a huge gust of wind from its mouth that sent every caravanner sprawling across the cave floor.

    "Ow…," moaned Star, gripping her head. "That was unexpected."

    Que totally expected that.

    "So THIS is the thing that's been causing all the wind on this mountain!" exclaimed Lia. "Wow…it is a rather awesome creature, isn't it?"

    I've seen more awesome creatures while punching baby monsters in the face. Their teeth were pretty sharp.

    "They say that all winds come from Selepation Cave," said Creston. "If that myth is indeed true, then we're facing the creator of wind itself. Brace yourselves."

    The Cave Worm let out a challenging screech.

    CW: TEAM EDWARD SHALL RULE THE WORLD!

    The fight was on.

    Team Prick and Team Edward were not on good terms.

    Garrett was the first to move.

    He tripped and fell into a bottomless chasm. Team Edward applauded.

    Slashing at a jellyfish in his way, he charged at the Cave Worm, swinging his spear in a wide arc.

    Dan the Jellyfish: Lol Garrett you fail.

    The Cave Worm made no move to defend itself, but roared in pain at being hit. Nieta moved forward too, but was shocked by the jellyfish Garrett had attacked. Creston cast clear on her, and Lia shot a fire spell at the jellyfish, while Mika took out the other with a shot from her racket.

    TEAM WORK, FUCK YEAH
    Dan: Hey Dave, I'm dead!
    Dave: So am I!
    Dan: Shut up Dave, you take the fun out of everything!


    The Cave Worm screeched again, and then started to move back and forth, flailing wildly. The walls around it crumbled and debris fell from the roof of the cavern. Garrett and Nieta tried to move back out of the way, but the Cave Worm sucked in a great breath, and pulled them back towards the falling rocks. Both Lilties were buried in stone.

    They were going to fight the boss, but then they got stoned.
    lolololololololololololololololololololololololol


    "Garrett! Nieta!" shouted Sam, running forward.

    He's totally jelly. Not everyone gets to get crushed under rocks by a boss.

    Charging at the Cave Worm, he stabbed its fleshy body furiously, while Creston backed him up with a fire spell. The beast was successfully distracted.

    Nothing like a good dystraction to keep my readers from noticing I stole their sense of humor.

    Sam began to shift boulders.

    Sam, though it may be a little bit of minutia, can with his manly muscles of masculinity can move massive boulders without making a sound - probably because the mute function is on.

    Garrett's head emerged.

    Sam punched it - whack-a-garrett is a fun game.

    He was carrying a rock on his back, with Nieta under him, helping him hold it up.

    OH YEAH

    "We're okay," he assured the Clavat, grunting with effort. "We're not gonna be crushed that easily."

    Sam:Well, what if I add a single pebble
    -Garret collapses-


    With a deep breath, he chucked the rock away.

    Mog dodged it and flung a string of curses at Garrett - the author forgot to note this.

    Luckily, it hit the Cave Worm, stunning it for a moment. Sam, Nieta, and Garrett took this time to get some distance from the boss.As the boss shook off the blow from the rock, it launched a large ball of energy at the three retreating caravanners.

    It was not thermal energy, kinetic energy, or potential energy - it was just PURE ENERGY.

    Nieta managed to avoid the blast, but Garrett and Sam were knocked off their feet.

    They landed on their hands and thus, the sport Dipshittery was created.

    As Sam struggled to get up, he found himself aggravated at feeling the familiar effects of a slow spell.

    DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

    Mika and Star dashed in, to give Creston and Nieta time to get Sam and Garrett out of the fray. The Cave Worm reared back, and let out a large blast of a sandy brown gas. It moved back and forth, sending a large spray towards Mika and Star.

    Do a barrel roll!

    Star managed to roll under it,

    Success! Now hold a to charge up shots!

    while Mika hopped over it, shooting two shots at the Cave Worm.

    Good work Fox!

    Hardly fazed, the Cave Worm shot a slow ball at Mika, but Mika avoided the attack.

    The slowness of the Cave Worm was no match for her slowness! But why would she need to prove it?

    Star was busy slashing at the beast, but the Cave Worm simply shook its body again, knocking Star away, shooting another sandy stream at Star, knocking her back.

    It was being mutilated by women and it wasn't even mad.

    Lia sent a Blizzard spell towards the Cave Worm, but it had no effect.

    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

    "What IS this thing?" asked Creston, healing the wounded Star. "Such a mighty defense…"

    He was turned on.

    "I can't believe this thing is so strong," muttered Sam, panting.

    Him too.

    "Well, defense or not, I'll tear it apart!" roared Garrett.

    Garrett is just jelly.
    Charging again, he brutally struck the Cave Worm, only to be knocked back by the brown gas.

    The kind that follows the juniors at my school - seriously, their body oder is tangible.

    This gave Mika an opening, however. She ran forward, striking the Cave Worm with ranged shots, while Lia used Thunder and Fire spells from afar. The Cave Worm, starting to grow extremely agitated,

    He mad.

    sent a flurry of slow balls at Lia, causing the Yuke to have to shift positions.

    She knew many BDSM positions thanks to Garrett - he tended to brag all night about how many he knew - in great detail.

    One attack managed to hit her, slowing Lianora down.

    Mika, however, was taking care of the problem. She was out of range of the Cave Worm's attack, and she could easily dodge his slow balls and sand attacks.

    The Cave Worm was not going to be slain that easily, however. Lia had forgotten to mention Cave Worm's were notoriously tricky, especially when it came to food. They were also greedy, willing to fight until the death for a good meal.

    UNLIKE AMERICANS LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
    THEY SO LAZY.


    The Cave Worm sucked in a great breath, drawing Mika closer. Mika tensed up, ready to dodge and land a few hard blows. But then the unexpected happened.

    The Cave Worm jumped up in the air, and fell to the ground, causing a large shockwave to ripple throughout the chamber. Rocks and pebbles fell from the ceiling. Mika coughed up blood, and was paralyzed from the hit.

    ...
    how does that make her cough up blood?


    "Mika!" shouted Creston. "Get out of there!"

    But she couldn't move. The Cave Worm took in a deep breath and sucked her closer. Creston tried to run forward, Nieta behind him.

    They call him sucker for a reason.

    "We've got to make it in time!" the Lilty said.

    The Cave Worm rose into the air. As it started to plummet down, Mika's eyes widened in panic. But then she heard something…

    Swish!

    The quicker picker-upper!

    BOOM!

    Bounty!

    The second fall was harder than the first. But luckily, Mika hadn't been crushed.

    Unfortunately should replace luckily - the author made another mistake.

    Creston raised his arm as dust flew up all around him.

    HE'S THE DUSTMASTAH!

    Nieta was covering her eyes from the flying stones.

    Oh, stones can fly now, cool story author.

    "What happened!" she asked.

    Derp.

    "I saw something move her at the last minute," said Creston. "At least I think I did…"

    He hopes she's dead - he must've made a bet with Garrett.

    As the dust settled, the Cave Worm sent a slow ball towards Garrett, who rolled out of the way.

    Mika opened her eyes, still hearing the roars of the Cave Worm in the background. She was okay? But then…who had saved her. She glanced around and saw a hand over hers, pinning her down so she wouldn't get sucked in by the Cave Worm. It looked like a male hand.

    She could tell by the wanking marks.

    "Phew…thanks Sam," gasped Mika in relief. "I owe you one…you came in the nick of time…guys I'm fine!"

    But as she saw her friends, Creston, Nieta, and Star were staring at her as if they had seen a ghost.

    OOOOOOOOOOOOOO SNAP.

    "Why are they acting so strangely…Sam?" asked Mika questioningly.

    "Well, not that I'm offended or anything, but the thing is…I'm not Sam," came a familiar cocky voice.

    ...

    Mika looked up so quickly, she almost sprained her neck. And staring down at her, as alive as she was, was Ray.

    ...

    "RAY!" she yelled. "How in the-!"

    OH HELL NO.

    "Later," he said, pulling her up. "In case you haven't noticed, we've got a cranky monster to deal with."

    You've got two - the Cave worm and Quezacotl. He's a little mad at the author right now. Just slightly.

    The two Selkies rushed back into the heat of battle. The Cave Worm was starting to slow down and become disorientated, but was still a formidable foe. Star and Nieta both got in a few good blows before being knocked back. Creston and Sam were both knocked back by a jump shockwave.

    Wut

    This thing wasn't going to go down without a fight.

    "Go on Mika!" said Ray. "Get him. I'll cover you!"

    Mika ran forward, while Ray and Lia fired shots from afar to occupy the giant Worm. The Cave Worm was panting loudly, and couldn't even manage to suck in the caravanners anymore. Mika aimed her racket.

    Then she got distracted by a purty butterfly - the real cause of all the tornados and hurricanes on earth.

    "This is for trying to crush me, you son of a bitch!" she shouted, aiming a shot straight at the wind monster. The aura blast flew through the air, and disappeared in the Cave Worm's gaping mouth. The Cave Worm tried to suck it down, but it got caught in the beast's throat. The Cave Worm began to gag and its throat convulsed. It shuddered and jerked, but could not dislodge the projectile from its throat. Finally, after one last wriggle, the Cave Worm fell over, its rasping, desperate breaths stopping.

    "It's gonna blow!" shouted Garrett, face pale. Every caravanner hastily retreated from the dying worm. The monster exploded into green plasma goo, and dissolved quietly, without another movement.

    Ray wiped his brow. He turned to face the remaining six caravanners. "Well, that was fun, eh?" he asked. Everyone just stared at him.

    He raised an eyebrow. "What?"

    Silence. Then Garrett cracked a grin.

    "You idiot!" he yelled, running towards his friend. "You're okay!"

    Took him that long.

    Ray soon found himself in a huge group hug.

    They kicked Garrett out - he started fondling everyone's hair.

    "So how the heck did you survive?" asked Garrett.

    Plot holes.

    Ray sighed. After they had gotten the myrrh, he had known they would've asked this question.

    "Well…after I fell I met a lizardman, we fought, and then…"

    He was a pretty cool guy.

    The furious lizardman grabbed the Selkie and slammed him against an icy column. Ray's paddle fell from his hand. The reptile's hand tightened around Ray's throat.

    "Ugh…I'm not done yet," growled Ray. But then he felt it. The miasma. It had hit him again. And this time, he couldn't cure.

    "So…this is it," gasped out Ray.

    As the lizardman let out a victorious screech, Ray's body went limp.

    But then, the lizardman's eyes widened. With a gurgling cry, it fell over, becoming as limp as Ray had been.

    Ray stood over the body, looking down in shock. Then he looked at his hand. He wiggled his fingers. Then he pinched himself.

    "Yup…I'm alive…," said Ray aloud, astonished. He moved his body a little. Then he flopped down on the ground.

    "Ugh…thank god for that Phoenix Down…but I'm not in an eager hurry to do THAT again," he muttered. Then he let out a small gasp. Another twinge of pain had hit him.

    "Guess I'm not completely immune to the stinkin' miasma," he said, coughing. But it hadn't hurt as much as before. And it had definitely taken longer to affect him.

    "Hmmm…this may be what De Nam was talking about," murmured Ray.

    Then he set out to try and find his friends.

    "So how'd you track us down?" asked Creston.

    Plot holes

    "Lucky guess," said Ray, shrugging. "I didn't meet any monsters, so I was thinking you guys killed them all."

    "But how did you survive?" asked Star. "You couldn't have had enough food and enough strength to cast repeated cure spells!"

    "Miasma tolerance," answered Ray.

    "What?" asked Lia. "I've never heard of that."

    Must be bullshit this prick made up.

    Ray looked over at Mika and Creston. "But I bet you two have."

    Mika nodded, but Creston seemed silent. "You'd better explain," the Yuke said.

    lolCrestonIsMad

    "Well…say you spend a minute outside of the crystal's barrier, exposed to miasma," explained Ray. "If you kept at it, eventually you could stay outside the barrier for two minutes."

    "So you can stay alive longer without the crystal's protection," observed Sam. Ray nodded.

    "Out of all of us, I've spent the most time outside of the crystal's barrier," he continued. "So I can live for a longer time in miasma than all of you."

    "How the heck did you find out about all this?" asked Mika.

    MAGIC

    Ray responded by holding up a letter. He handed it to Mika.

    "From De Nam," she whispered. "He's been sending you letters?"

    "Not like anyone else will," said Ray, scratching his head.

    Shows how good his social life is.
    OH WAIT I FORGOT HIS SISTER IS A LITTLE TORN UP AND ON FIRE AT THE BOTTOM OF A POISONOUS LAKE MY BAD.


    "We'll talk more about this later," said Sam. "C'mon, let's get out of here..."

    Whee. Done. Hurrah

    Que is more excited than you.
    Really.


    Favorite parts: Ray's return, definitely

    When did that happen?

    Go Cave Worm. I always hated that boss. So much HP and defense, so I tried to make the battle last a long time.

    Ray is baaaaaaack! As for the miasma tolerance, that will come in more later *cough*cough*Conall*cough*Curach*cough*cough*

    *cough*YOU'RE SO CLEVER AUTHOR I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED THAT YOU WOULD HIDE A MESSAGE BETWEEN YOUR CONVENIENTLY TIMED COUGHING FITS THAT YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY GET CHECKED OUT*cough*

    Well uh…not really anything else to say about this chapter. So uh…yeah…

    Needs more sexual references. Everything does. Even porn.

    Next Chapter: The gang decides to relax at the Fields of Fum. But when someone from Star's past comes out of nowhere, what will she do?

    Open a plot hole and gtfo. That's what Mog does.
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    Quezacotl
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    Re: MST- Tipa's Crystal Chronicles by Dark Amphithere

    Post by Quezacotl on Tue Apr 05, 2011 9:02 am

    34. Rex

    Spoiler:
    Behold the glory of the new chapter!



    I'm starting to overdo it.

    No, really?

    Alright, in this chapter, the gang rests at the Fields of Fum. And this is Star's character chapter! And she meets someone who she hasn't seen for years. Oh boy.

    Note: This is sort of a strange chapter, as it connects things in the game that were never revealed, and also has things that never actually happened in the game (for example- the "apple thief" is revealed, even though it was never found out in the game).

    It was the author, in the fanfiction room, with a bazooka.

    Well…uh…other than that I mean, I haven't got much.

    We're onto him.

    This is a long chapter.

    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

    And one more thing: COW RACES Very Happy

    ...This is your new favorite chapter. No debates.

    Okay, I'll start the chapter.

    Okay, I'll feign interest.

    Star's face was lit with a radiant smile. "It's so lovely," she said. Sam, who stood next to her, agreed.

    Derp

    The Fields of Fum were grassy and plain, not complex like Alfitaria, mysterious like Shella, or bustling like Marr's Pass. The place was almost as calm as Tipa, if not calmer. Farmer's went about their work leisurely, and kids ran around happily.

    The kids ran around happily, pillaging with happy faces. It was purty.


    Nieta looked around appreciatively. Garrett just huffed quietly. He wasn't one for small places. He preferred life on the road over anything.

    But nothing beats life in a dungeon, bound into torture with chains, whips, and Justin Bieber.

    Creston seemed very relaxed, and calmer than he had been in a while.

    Shh - don't tell him that Selstun is right behind him - in a clown outfit.

    Ray and Mika were also looking around, their sharp eyes picking out the best places for a little "borrowing".

    Where's the local Wal-Mart?

    "I'll just go get supplies," muttered Garrett, trying to find something to do. He wasn't interested in crops and cows.

    The hell is wrong with him?

    Lia walked after him.

    Stockholm syndrome, has Lia

    "Mind if I join you?" she asked. Garrett just shrugged.

    Lia: HE JUST DOESN'T EVEN CARE ABOUT ME BWWAAA I GOT NO FRIENDS

    "Wonder why she's going with him?" asked Mika thoughtfully.

    PPFFFFFFF THOUGHTFULLY OH AUTHOR YOU'RE TOO MUCH

    "Little sprout head and Lia never really that buddy-buddy."

    Well, you missed the chapters where Lia was tortured by the king of all evil, Justin Bieber and his quirky kinky servant - Garrett.
    You say that never happened?
    You must be crazy.


    Nieta suddenly blushed, and started to walk away, but Mika caught her.

    "Oh…wait a minute…you put her up to it, didn't you?" asked Mika, grinning.

    DERP

    Nieta looked away.

    "Aw, that's so sweet," said Star. "So romantic…"

    ...

    "I know!" said Ray, in a false gushy tone.

    Thank you Ray.

    Mika was going to hit him, but Star beat her to it, smacking him upside the head.

    Mika was proud - Star was surpassing her in bitch powers already.

    "Don't mock love!" Star scolded.

    The Power of Love, Friendship, and Bitchiness must never be underestimated.

    Ray gave her a reproachful look. "It's one of the most powerful things in the world."

    PFFFFF

    "So is the stench of a dead orc, but I'm allowed to make comments on that," growled Ray under his breath.

    Wut

    "Anyways, I'm gonna go loiter around…get yelled at for something…"

    take over the world - maybe

    Ray marched off.

    His high step was pathetic.

    Mika sighed, going after him, muttering something about "making sure he didn't get arrested."

    OMG FUTURE TENSE WHEN PRESENT TENSE SHOULD BE USED RAWR

    Creston had already left, but Sam was around. Star grabbed him by the arm.

    ...female shopping frenzy time?
    Good lord...


    "Come on, let's go!" she shouted, dragging a laughing Sam behind her.

    He was laughing - why?

    Ray wiped a tear from is eye. "I have found heaven at last," he whispered dramatically.

    YES RAY IS DEAD I LOVE YOU AUTHOR

    Mika smacked her forehead.

    Do it again - this time with a hammer.

    The two Selkies were standing in a large grove of striped apple trees. Ray was beside himself with glee. Mika wondered if striped apples were Ray's equivalent of alcohol.

    I've already adressed this. Selkies are to striped apples as crackheads are to crack.

    Ray stood up, grinning, and reached out to take one.

    One dozen million, the author meant.

    "Stop, thief!"

    Ray: Yes?
    Mika: Smooth, Ray.


    Ray and Mika whirled around to see a little girl running towards them, a young boy of around the same age trailing right after her.

    He was wearing a hat with “totally not an apple thief” on it, and he was eating twenty apples all at the same time.

    Ray smiled kindly. "Hey there, little girl. What's going on-"

    Ray the Pedo has some candy in his pocket-

    "Take this, thief!" shouted the girl, swinging her leg up. Just like many times before, Ray let out a short cry, and dropped to his knees.

    I approve

    Mika raised an eyebrow.

    As does Mika.

    "Does everything gravitate toward your crotch or something?" she asked, as some adults ran over.

    Well, Ray is denser than a black hole, so probably.

    "Oh, so it was a big misunderstanding," said a young woman. Mika nodded. Apparently, there had been an apple thief living in the Fields of Fum, and all the children and adults were trying to capture him.

    The kid wearing the hat and eating twenty apples was not a suspect.

    Ray had been mistaken as the thief, and suffered the consequences, much to his displeasure.

    Garrett wouldn't mind.

    "Yeah, he was just looking," lied Mika. It wouldn't be smart to tell them we was going to swipe an apple…or 50.

    Ahem - one dozen million - get it right author.

    "Apologize at once!" yelled the mother.

    The hell is wrong with this mother? People should learn to treat assholes properly!

    "We're sorry," said the two children simultaneously.

    Just another brick in the wall

    "It's okay," assured Ray in a somewhat high voice.

    The two kids ran off. Their mother followed them.

    She really was a desperate housewife.

    Mika kicked Ray softly. "Come on, up and at 'em. Let's go look at some other stuff."

    I saw some porn back there-

    "Darn it…I wish I had more money," said Star, looking crestfallen. She and Sam had found a cow salesman who was offering to sell them a cow for 500g.

    She did not feel like saying g 500 hundred times.

    But Star had already gone shopping a few times, and now she couldn't afford it. She was sad and a bit aggravated with herself- she should've been more wise with her money, and be able to buy a nice gift for her family.

    Sam looked over at her, seeing her downcast expression. He pulled out his wallet.

    "Sure, we'll take one," he said, fishing his money out. Star glanced at him in astonishment.

    Did he go to Jareds?

    "But…Sam, no, you don't have to…," protested the Clavat girl, but Sam shook his head.

    "It's no trouble at all. I mean, if it makes you happy, than I'm happy," he said, giving her a smile. The kind of smile that made Star melt.

    Then Que gave her the kind of smile that made Star vaporize. Eat your heart out, Sam, I have more control over her state of matter.

    From far off, Garrett, Lia, and Nieta (who had somehow "found them") watched the purchasing of the cow.

    Wut

    "Well, how do ya like that?" said Garrett, sipping his water. "The noble prince helps the lady fair." He spat on the ground.

    It took him twenty minutes to think of the right words, thirty minutes to put them in order, and two years to accumulate that much spit. It was totally worth it.

    Nieta gave him a weird look. "Is there something wrong with that?" she asked.

    "Nah…just never figured Sam had that kind of money to throw around for Star," said Garrett, shrugging.

    Well, when you work the corner-

    "He probably doesn't," noted Lia. "I saw him writing to his parents, asking them if they could send him a little more money. Spending all of his money on Star…he truly cares for her."

    That's right kids -money means everything.

    "Yeah…lovebirds…," muttered Garrett. "I just hope they don't start getting all cutesy and run around holding hands while we're battling monsters and crap."

    "You don't seem to be very fond of relationships," observed Nieta sharply.

    Garrett snorted. "You have no idea, Nieta…," he said. Then he lowered his voice so only he would hear it. "You have no idea."

    "AND NOW EVERYONE, IT'S TIME FOR THE COW RACE!" shouted the Clavat, as he lined up all the cows. Ray and Mika stood by him, placing their bets.

    Obligatory badass racing music

    "Cow #7 is gonna totally mop the floor with your cow," said Ray, a challenging glint in his eye.

    "Only if he can keep up with Cow #2," counted Mika, smirking.

    Psh, You always go with the difference of two lovers! I'm betting on 5.

    "On your mark…get set…GO!" shouted the announcer.

    ((Author's Note: In order to save you from boredom, I will skip the agonizingly long race))

    It was fucking awesome, Que was there.

    Later, at the end, all the cows were on the home stretch. Ray's cow was in the lead, with Mika's trailing close behind.

    "Go baby, go!" shouted Ray, a slightly mad look on his face.

    ....
    You mean normal look.


    "Come on, girl, get moving!" screamed Mika. Suddenly her cow stopped, and started to graze on some grass.

    Looked like good grass to Que too.

    "No, no, no!" shouted Mika, stamping her feet.

    "Woo hoo!" yelled Ray, laughing. But then his cow stopped too.

    It beat me to the good grass, damn it!

    "Wait…what!" he asked. "That's not supposed to happen! Don't stop!"

    DING!

    "And the winner is Cow #5!" announced the farmer. "So all who bet on Cow #5…wait there's only one person…COME ON UP HERE!"

    ...
    I did not plan this.


    As the crowd parted, Mika and Ray looked for the winner.

    "Wonder who the lucky guy is," said Mika. Then she gasped.

    "What!" she yelled. Ray looked around, and saw it. His jaw dropped. A Yuke was making its way toward the announcer.

    Creston!

    I suspect shenanigans!

    Ray and Mika pushed through the crowds, trying to get to the Yuke. Creston? Gambling? And WINNING? There were many things not right with that statement.

    Little did they knew, Cresty's real name is Charlie Sheen.

    Creston spotted them coming toward him. He tensed up.

    Shenanigans, I called it.

    "Oh boy," he said, taking his money. Then he started to run as fast as he could.

    They just want to congratulate you and let you meet the soles of their feet.

    "CRESTON!" shouted both Selkies.

    Wut?

    Star walked through a small orchard of apples and cherries, admiring the beautiful scenery around her.

    dur it wuz purty

    She was so happy. She felt lighter than air. Was it because she loved it here? That Sam had bought the cow for her? Maybe it was just Sam?

    She's been taking drugs again.

    Sam.

    From Sam, obviously.

    That was the source of this happy feeling. Star loved everything about him. He was handsome, but not too handsome, and had the nicest brown hair. She loved how thoughtful, warm, and kind he was to herself and everyone else. Star sighed.

    An addict is Star

    "Oh Sam…I wish I could tell you how I feel…," she said wistfully.

    But as she was in this happy dream, a voice cut through it, shattering the joy easily.

    LIKE BUTTER THROUGH A HOT KNIFE.

    "Hello Star."

    Sup?

    Star immediately stiffened. Her eyes widened in shock. She knew that voice. It had changed a little, but it was still almost exactly the same as it was years ago.

    THE ICE CREAM MAN was back in town.

    Star's expression changed.

    Derp.

    Her eyes, which were joyful and loving, had become ice cold. Her face became stony, her mouth set into a firm line. Slowly, she turned around.

    The best way to face Barney.

    There, sitting on a stump, was a Clavat, but at a first glance, this person seemed so unlike a Clavat that it was astonishing. It was a man, who was taller than Sam, and probably around the same height as Ray or Creston. His hair was blackish brown, and it was longer than a normal Clavat's hair, bangs drooping in his eyes and hair falling on his shoulders messily. It seems as though he had cut it himself.

    Such a badass, cutting his own hair.

    He was dressed in a brown and black jacket worn down by age, but it would have looked very fancy and expensive years ago. His pants were gray and also looked rough and worn. His face was the real shocking feature, however. Instead of the earthy brown eyes most Clavats possessed, his eyes were emerald green. His skin was a tad bit paler than most Clavats, but was still a light tan. He had on an expression of unrivaled cunning and cleverness, and wore a smirk on his features that could have rivaled Ray's.

    Someone stab his face, now. Or at least nuder him.

    Star stood her ground, even though an eerie feeling had washed over her. "What do you want, Rex?" she asked calmly.

    Rex: Just wanted to let you know you left the iron on.
    Star: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU


    Rex's smirk grew, as he stood up. He walked a little closer to her. Star took a step back.

    OMG INCEST

    "What?" he asked. "Not happy to see me?"

    "I hate to disappoint you, but no, I'm not," said Star, her voice as harsh and cold as the winds of Selepation Cave.

    I love that place, I've a great summer house there.

    "Well, sheesh…," said Rex, scratching his head. "Look at you, all grown up. What're you doing here?"

    Kicking names and taking ass - oh wait -

    "I'm in the Tipa Caravan," she responded, giving him a piercing look. Rex's smirk faltered a little, but he quickly regained his composure.

    "Hunt for myrrh going well?" he asked casually, but hit Star like a punch from a Gigas.

    "That shouldn't concern you," Star replied, still giving him an icy stare.

    "Well then…how are the parents?" asked Rex, still in the same casual tone.

    Not on fire and torn up at the bottom of a poisonous lake, I hope.

    "Why do you care?" came Star's response.

    "Why do I care?" asked Rex. He then let out a bark of laughter. His laugh was scratchy, as if he had been laughing a lot lately.

    He was the king of unfunny. Seinfeld would like him.

    "They're my parents too, Star."

    "They'll never truly be your parents, brother," retorted Star, her icy look replaced by a fiery one.

    Rex's smirk changed to a grin. "Why so angry? Did I do something to upset you?"

    The joker, he is not.

    "You did something that upset our parents and our village for years!" shouted Star. "Do you even REALIZE what you did?"

    Oh, the noodle incident, totally not my fault.

    "I just did what needed to be done. I didn't see anything wrong with it," responded Rex snidely.

    Star was about to launch out another retort, when another voice broke the silence.

    DERP

    "Star, I-," said Sam running out into the grove. "Oh…uh…am I interrupting something?" he asked.

    Sam suspects shenanigans.

    The rest of the caravan followed behind him. As they all stopped to a halt, most of them stared curiously at Rex. But Creston let out a shocked gasp, and Ray's expression immediately darkened to a scowl.

    He mad.

    "Who's this?" asked Nieta.

    "Someone who I never thought I'd see again," said Creston.

    "Rex…," growled Ray, eyes flashing.

    Then he foamed at the mouth.

    "My brother," said Star quietly.

    Sam felt the jealousy in his body die down. Wait, jealousy? He shouldn't be jealous…but it had honestly looked like…

    Yup.

    Rex gave Sam and each caravanner a once-over.

    He gave Garrett a twice-over. Then a thrice over. Then a-

    His eyes strayed back to Sam.

    "Who's this?" he asked. "You're boyfriend?"

    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

    Grammar Nazi subdued, no need to panic.


    Star and Sam both blushed, but Star recovered first. "Does it matter?"

    "I'm just seeing what my sister's been up to."

    "Don't pretend like you care about my child welfare, you never have and never will!" shouted Star furiously. She didn't care that they weren't alone, she didn't care that everyone was watching. She wished she had never found him.

    Rex is such a waste of matter.

    "I guess I'll be the first one to question this," said Lia uncertainly. "What is going on here?"

    "Let's just say this isn't your typical brother and sister reunion," said Creston.

    It is the reunion of Snarky snarkmeister of snarksland and the pricky prickmeisterette of prickland.

    "And that Star is the younger sister of the biggest scumbag to have ever came from the Tipa Peninsula," muttered Ray, his hot glare staying.

    stfu Ray, you're just jelly.

    Meanwhile, footsteps could be heard all around. Residents of the town had been attracted by the shouting, and showed up to see what was all the ruckus. Everyone was muttering in confusion.

    DERP

    Suddenly, a young woman pointed at Rex. "That's him! That's the apple thief!" she cried.

    Ray: Yes?
    Mika: Ray, stfu.


    Exclamations filled the forest.

    "What? Him? Thief! Get him! Rotten little- robber!"

    These people are very offensive with their curses.

    Rex stared at the citizens that were slowly forming into a mob.

    They politely shook their pitchforks and passively lit their torches in anger.

    "Everyone quiet down!" shouted Creston. The growing chatter subsided.

    The nicest lynch mob you've ever seen.

    "Creston, explain to the others what happened," said Ray.

    "No…I'll do it…," said Star softly. Then she began to speak.

    Lost interest, start again.

    "A couple years ago, around 10 probably, things were going well for all of the caravans…no arguments, no fighting

    PPPFFTCH
    lul, prepubescent kids getting along, bull.


    …all was well. Every caravan had just enough myrrh to get by."

    "But everyone wondered how it was possible. And the Tipa caravan wondered most of all. It was them who always received their myrrh later than everyone else, right up to the very day before the crystal would run out of power."

    Pure coincidence.

    "The people wondered and wondered, but no one could explain it. But then, suddenly…a caravan revealed the tale."

    Those bastards ruined everything.

    "It so happened that there was an underground black market going around. It involved a caravan going around, and taking myrrh from all the trees, before any other caravan could get there. This caravan was so quick and efficient, the other caravans could not refill their chalices."

    Well, that's efficient.

    "The other caravans were forced to act in order to save their villagers from being consumed by the miasma. They begged the caravan to share their myrrh. They offered anything, anything at all, to save the lives of their peoples. And this certain caravan would always give them the myrrh…after taking an extremely large amount of money."

    Sounds like a good plan.

    Gasps were heard from all around, as people were shocked. This explained the depression that had occurred all those years ago.

    "Is this true?" asked one villager, to the Fum caravan. The caravanners bowed their heads.

    "It is. We had no other choice."

    Angry yells started to emerge, but Creston waved his hand, and silenced the crowd again.

    I'd imagine Creston would be good at crowd control with his overpowered magic, but it applys to public speaking as well? Damn!

    Star continued.

    Start over, I got bored again.

    "This caravan would get more and more money, selling myrrh, but also getting enough, just enough, to save their own village. But soon, the truth came out. And along with it, the culprit."

    I blame Justin Bieber.

    "The caravan was the Tipa caravan, and the ringleader of this dark trade was Rex! The man you see standing here."

    ...
    Damn, this nice lynch mob is slow.


    This time, no shouts or cries were heard. The crowd was shocked into silence.

    "One caravanner returned home during the festival, and told Roland the events that had occurred. This caravanner had found out when he eavesdropped on a conversation between Rex and another caravanner. Rex broke this person's legs and dumped them outside of the barrier.

    To test his theory of miasma tolerance, of course.

    They were consumed by miasma and died, and in the following morning, Rex had said that they must've went to the bathroom and been attacked.

    True story.

    But he had been found out."

    Oh well.

    "The village of Tipa was astonished, amazed by the darkness and greediness of these acts. My father was enraged. Our farm had become successful on tainted money. Rex had been tactful enough to send us small fortunes, to cover his greedy tracks."

    "My father disowned him, but before Rex left the village, he asked Rex one question: Was he any bit sorry for what he had done, and had he shown any sorrow or remorse?"

    ...and what did he expect?

    "I still remember Rex's response. He responded with his own question: 'I shared the money, right?'"

    Star seemed to regain her composure, and returned to giving Rex her hard stare. Rex seemed unfazed.

    It was the usual look she gave him.

    "How do you two know this?" asked Mika to Ray and Creston.

    "We both grew up in Tipa," explained Ray. "You and Lia moved here after it happened. Sam I think was on a trip with his family at the time."

    The silence stretched out for even longer. Then Rex broke it.

    Derp

    "You forgot one little detail, my dear Star," he said, a dry chuckle coming out of his mouth. "How did I get such an ingenious idea?"

    Star stiffened, and for the first time, fear and guilt washed on her face.

    "That's right…you remember don't you?" crooned Rex in a ghastly tone. "You gave it to me."

    ...
    Star,
    you
    are


    Everyone gasped, even Ray and Creston.

    my hero.

    They hadn't heard this side of the tale.

    "Star, what does he mean?" asked Nieta. Star shuddered as the memory fell on her.

    "Brother."

    Rex turned to face his younger sister, his emerald eyes narrowed. He had been counting just how much money his parents had given him for the road…not much.

    "What is it?" he asked, in a soft voice. This voice was a very winning tone: he could often get Star to do chores for him by talking to her in his sweet voice. Rex could sweet talk just about anyone.

    It sounded like an autotuned Justin Bieber with the visuals of Newt Gringrich.Pity did whatever it took to get the image out of the mind, even give Quezacotl a million dollars on the7th of April.

    LOLFLASHBACKTIME

    "What's it like on the road?" asked Star.

    Rex sighed. "I don't know Star, I'm leaving tomorrow. I'll right to you and tell you, okay?"

    ...lol'd at right

    "Okay," said Star. Rex thought she would leave, but…

    "What do you have to do out there? Ma and Dad never tell me," said Star.

    "Well, we get myrrh to bring back to the villages, but we fight monsters to get to it," explained Rex, packing.

    DERP

    "Why do we need myrrh?"

    For our sweet rave parties.

    "To give to our crystal to protect us from miasma," stated Rex. He foresaw her next question. "Because miasma is bad."

    Because square dancing sucks.

    "Why do we have to do it though?" asked Star. "Why don't we just all send out a bunch of people to do it?"

    Rex paused. "What do you mean?" he asked, confused.

    "Why don't all caravans work together, and give, trade, and sell myrrh to other villages?" asked Star.

    LIKE AN ARMY DUR

    "I don't know Star, I just don't…" Rex's words trailed off. Caravans giving myrrh to each other? Trading? Selling?

    A BASIC BUISNESS MODEL!?
    INSTANT PROFIT!


    Someone had just flicked the bulb on in Rex's brain. This was a perfect opportunity to get some money in his pocket and be set for life.

    "Well, it's late, you should get to bed," said Rex, hiding his cunning smile.

    "Okay…good night, big brother," said Star.

    "G'night Star…sweet dreams…you deserve them after giving me such a great idea," snickered Rex quietly to himself. He would start in his second year. Do his job and seem like a great hero. After winning the approval of the people of Tipa, then he would start with his big plans…

    Star listened in the hallway. What was he planning?

    0000000000Flashback End0000000000000000000000

    "Don't you remember?" Rex asked mockingly, snapping Star out of her dream. They had both been remembering the past.

    The lynch mob got bored, and gtfo'd.

    "Did you really give him that idea?" asked Creston, stunned. His whole attitude had changed now.

    Star looked down, and slowly nodded.

    People started to shout at Star, trying to find a scapegoat for all of these problems.

    There's a reason we bought a scapegoat, people, outsourcing does not solve your problems...

    "But that whole thing's in the past. Now I swipe apples from this place, and sell them to starving people for all they've got," said Rex, with a sardonic smile.

    Rex would make a great professor at any college.

    "But Star, why don't you come with me? You're good at thinking of scams. We could be a great team- think about it."

    "I won't ever do such a thing," said Star, tears threatening to fall down her face.

    Rex rolled his eyes, and let out a short snort of laughter. He walked straight up to her, grabbed her on the shoulder, and put his face in front of hers.

    Then he wretched, he forgot how ugly his sister was.
    She forgot as well.


    "No matter how much you hate me, the idea was originally yours, so it's all YOUR fault," he whispered.

    Don't be a hater, Star.

    BAM!

    Rex was knocked backwards off his feet, and onto the ground. His green eyes widened as he clutched his nose, which had started to bleed.

    If he was knocked off his feet by Sam's punch, I'd imagine he'd get a little more than a nosebleed-
    Oh wait, final fantasy. Right. Screw logic, we'll do it for the lulz!


    Sam stood up, fist outstretched with specks of blood, glaring at Rex with such hatred that Garrett's glares at Creston didn't even compare.

    Garrett didn't approve, naturally. The form was there but the anger wasn't directed at him.

    "Don't you touch her," threatened the leading Clavat.

    "Why not?" asked Rex, his smile gone. "She's my sister. I should be worried about YOU touching her, pal, not the other way around."

    "Don't touch her," repeated Sam. "And never talk to her like that again. It isn't her fault. It's YOURS."

    DERP

    Rex threw back his head and laughed. "She came up with the idea, so she's already a criminal. You can't just tell someone to do a crime, and when they get caught, expect yourself to be innocent!"

    With Rex's logic, we're all criminals. Makes sense.

    Sam just continued to stare at him.

    Rex smirked. "If she's already a criminal," he said, standing up, "why not make the most of it?"

    BAM!

    Rex rolled again, while Ray restrained Sam from demolishing the other Clavat.

    Meanwhile, some of the villagers had been gathering pitchforks and other farming tools.

    ...
    This is one poorly organized, but polite, slow lynch mob.


    "Come on, let's chase this guy out of town," shouted one man. The people began to swarm Rex. Rex darted away, quick as a flash.

    FLASH - SAVIOR OF T HE UNIVERSE

    "Remember this Star, I'm still alive out here!" he called back. "And you Sam! You and I have a score to settle! Ya got that? Watch your back!"

    With a final cackle, he ran off.

    Rex has fury.

    Star looked up, and saw her brother disappear in the distance.

    He did some hardcore parkour and everyone was totally jelly.

    "How will he survive?" she wondered aloud.

    PLOT HOLES

    "I don't know," said Sam shaking his head.

    WHAT I SAID EXACTLY.

    "Well at least that's over," said Lia, taking a deep breath. Then one of the villagers walked over to the caravanners.

    "Maybe you should leave…," he said awkwardly.

    DERP

    "What!" exclaimed Ray. "But-"

    "Please. We have no feelings against you, but for right now, we would prefer if no caravans were here."

    "Alright," said Sam. "Come on guys…let's go."

    The Tipa caravan left the Fields of Fum in silence.

    Que is so happy, he could ride a pig in minecraft.

    Oh MAN! This is the longest chapter I've made yet.

    Don't remind me.

    Favorite parts: The tale of Rex

    So Star's character chapter is pretty much done. But it slightly continues in the next. It's more of an aftermath of this chapter than anything else.

    So yeah, Rex. I personally love his character. He's not really "evil", in a sense (unlike Selstun, who radiates evil), but is more of a greedy person who will do ANYTHING for money.

    LOL LIKE AN AMERICAN

    This chapter was mainly focused on Star, so not much went on in the actual fields. However, in year four they will visit the fields often. Perhaps then we can have more cow races- I mean FUN!

    COW RACES FUCK YEAH

    Rex's main reason for being so bad is that he tortured people in a mental way, holding all of their fates in his hands, and killing someone from his village. For those of you who think he wouldn't let his village die, I assure you, if he didn't get them the myrrh in time, he'd just move to a new village. He's a jerk.

    A nice jerk, but a Jerk all the same.

    Will he show up again? I'm not sure. He'll definitely be mentioned again. I MIGHT (might) throw in a Sam vs. Rex showdown in a later chapter. But I've already got a couple of showdowns planned out, so I'm not sure.

    Mika and Lia don't about the Rex dilemma because they aren't from Tipa. Mika is from Leuda. I won't reveal where Lia comes from yet.

    The Kingdom of Retardia, undoubtedly. Same with Garrett.

    Next Chapter: After Star's issues with Rex in the Fields of Fum, arguments break out over what happened and what WILL happen. The old argument from before rises again in a crushing wave. But this time, will the breaking of friendships be permanent?

    Will Ray finally die?
    Will Garrett ever stop fondling his hair?
    Does the hidden awkwardly shaped stick have any significance in this story?
    Will Quezacotl defeat the Sharks of October before they remove the bottom buns from every cheeseburger in the world?
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    Re: MST- Tipa's Crystal Chronicles by Dark Amphithere

    Post by Quezacotl on Sat Apr 16, 2011 9:04 pm

    35. Shattered Bonds

    Spoiler:
    BLARGH! We're back…

    Yeah, not much going on in this chapter. Just the gang arguing…again…and more on Star's character chapter.

    Other than that, not really much…seriously…

    I'm running out of ideas on ways to open the chapter. XD

    Que is happy, less stuff he has to commentate on.

    Ah well…it's not the opening that matters…it's the story.

    This isn't a story. Stories have plots.

    So let's get to it. *makes the chapter appear out of nowhere.

    In other words, out of his ass.

    The sound of flowing water filled the night sky, as the Tipa caravan made camp by the Jegon River.
    Fucking water makes so much fucking noise I fucking hate it.

    Thankfully, there was a crystal there, so they wouldn't have to spend the night on the road…surrounded by monsters and miasma.

    Personally, I would sleep anywhere Team Prick isn't - they get dramatic over the smallest thing, I wouldn't want my existence to set them off.

    Everyone sat around a campfire, except for Star, Ray, and Garrett. Garrett was pacing around, a troubled look on his face, while Ray was skipping rocks across the water.

    I wanna be that rock, sailing away from Team Prick and off into the sunset.

    Star sat aside from everyone else,

    LONER

    while Sam watched her with a worried face.

    STALKER
    They're meant for each other!


    Nieta sighed. "This is so stupid…"

    Lia gave her a curious look. "What is?"

    "I mean, we're sitting out by the Jegon River because we were kicked out of a village for what we didn't do

    Personally, I would kick you out for existing.

    …why can't we just stay there? We're not the criminals," stated Nieta.

    Debatable.

    "Because they don't trust Sta- I mean, caravanners at the moment," Ray recovered himself quickly.

    He lost hit points for the strangest things.

    "Well sheesh, why can't we all just go back there?" groaned Garrett, sitting down. "Star's the one they don't like. Let her go camping."

    So let me get back to my chains, whips, and dominatorix, DAMN IT STAR!

    Sam glared at Garrett. "We stick together," he said coldly. "Right, Creston?"

    Well, since none of us really have adhesive properties, I cannot agree with that...

    He looked for Garrett's rival to back him up, but Creston was silent as well.

    "He has a point," stated the Yuke, pondering.

    He has a pointy stick that Cresty is totally jealous of.
    His spear.
    Not that one.


    "Creston…don't tell me you AGREE with Garrett?" asked Sam incredulously.

    Yep, they're all going mad.

    "Well…he makes a fair point," said Creston, rubbing his helm thoughtfully. "Star IS the reason why we're here."

    [color=#FF0000That's not exactly fair, Cresty.[/color]

    Star flinched at his words.

    "But Sam makes a fair point, too…," argued Mika, looking at Creston reproachfully. "It isn't Star's fault."

    "Well…I'm wondering why Star never told us in the first place…," said Garrett. "If she hadn't kept it secret, maybe this might not have happened."

    Well, look where that put you pricks.

    "Would you reveal the inner issues of your family to your friends?" challenged Ray.

    Garrett: YEAH TOTALLY BITCHING IS THE BEST

    "Well, you did that just fine, right?" Garrett shot back.

    Hey hypocrite, remind me who had an angstfest over whether or not you thought your father was a badass general.

    Ray stood up and walked over, fists clenched.

    Then he cried, his long fancy nails cut into his skin.

    "Ray," said Lia warningly. But the Selkie just sat down and picked up a striped apple.

    LET'S DROWN OURSELVES WITH DRUGS AW YEAH!

    "I didn't reveal it; it just happened, idiot," said Ray quietly.

    "Well, you certainly became the center of attention," stated Creston bluntly.

    Cresty is jelly.

    Mika gaped at Creston. "Are you saying that Star and Ray wanted ATTENTION after those things occurred."

    QUESTION MARK

    "No, I was stating a fact," said Creston quickly.

    So am I: Cresty is jelly.

    "But it doesn't change that we're out sitting by a campfire because of Star's brother," said Nieta.

    "Her brother- not her," said Lia sharply.

    DERP

    "Well didn't Star give him the idea?" demanded Garrett.

    I hope none of these people run for public office. Ever.

    "You weren't there; don't act like you understand," said Ray, his eyes smoldering.

    Ray, why argue with Garrett, he doesn't understand anything anyway.

    "But I was," said Creston. "And Garrett may be right."

    No, Cresty just wants to cut his wrists and be all angsty in his own room, he's so desperate he'll even side with Garrett.

    Ray couldn't think of a response to this.

    Garrett is right? That's a paradox, dumbass.

    "Well Star, did you give him the idea?" asked Creston calmly. Star looked over at the sound of her name. Then slowly, she nodded.

    Creston sighed. "What were you thinking?"

    DERPA DERPA DERPA - OH HEY A BUTTERFLY!

    "She was a kid, Creston," said Sam hotly.

    "It isn't hard for a child to see a person's true colors," responded Creston.

    Yeah, cause there is no way that a child could be naive, no way at all.

    "Did YOU see Rex's true colors?" demanded Mika.

    Well, Cresty is colorblind, so...

    "No, but I've seen a person's hidden nature before," snapped Creston.

    WITH A DECODER RING LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

    "Well, we're talking about a criminal mastermind here," said Ray. "We're not talking about a random beggar."

    "The person doesn't matter," said Nieta.

    Logic does not apply to Nieta's “argument”.

    "Even if she didn't know his true intentions, she still should have told us," said Creston. "We shouldn't be keeping secrets."

    "Then why don't you tell us about your burnt arm?" countered Ray.

    OH NO HE DIDN"T

    Creston visibly stiffened. "That is none of your business," he said coldly.

    He mad.

    "And neither is Star's personal life," said Sam.

    "This isn't a personal issue- this secret affected all of Tipa, while my burnt arm did not," said Creston.

    Oh, really.

    "So when it comes right down to it, this is Star's fau-" started Garrett, but was interrupted by a striped apple hitting him in the head.

    Everyone immediately glanced at Ray, but Ray gave them all a weird look.

    DERP

    "You think I'd waste a striped apple on HIM?" he asked.

    Druggies do irrational things, but whatever...

    Everyone than shifted their gaze to Sam, whose arm was outstretched, and a thunderous look on his face.

    Garrett rubbed his skull, and glared at Sam. "What was that for?"

    Sam: Why're you complaining, you're a masochist.

    "It is NOT Star's fault. Never say that again," growled Sam.

    "Why don't you just stop arguing about it and face the facts," snarled Garrett.

    Hopefully saner heads prevail-

    Sam reached for his sword.

    ...I forgot who I was talking about, sorry...

    Lia stepped between them. "Easy now. Let's not get violent."

    Darkwing Duck: YEAH - LET'S GET DANGEROUS

    Sam and Garrett shared dual death glares for a moment longer.

    Each had two faces, apparently.

    Then Sam turned to look at Star.

    HE JUST WANTS HER ACCPTANCE, LIKE A LITTLE PUPPY DOG.

    She had walked off.

    Denied, lol.

    Star sat further down the river, watching the flowing water around the shimmering crystal. Tears splashed down her face as she wept.

    "Can I join you?" came a voice from behind her. Star turned around. She was expecting Sam, but Ray stood there instead. Star thought for a moment, and nodded.

    She would need to restock her Stripped Apple supply tomorrow.

    "Sure," she said. Ray walked over and flopped down beside her.

    "Sorry about all the crap that happened back there," he said, giving her a sympathetic look.

    "It's fine. Thanks for sticking up for me," she responded. Ray held out a striped apple to her. She took it.

    WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE, RAY!?

    Both of them were silent for a while. Then Star broke the quiet calm:

    DERP

    "What was it like- I mean…how did you feel? When your sister died, I mean," she blurted out. Ray gave her a level look.

    "Well…I felt like I was an idiot," he said, "I was sort of…crazy for a little while…the guilt was endless, I thought it was all my fault."

    "That's how I feel about Rex," said Star gloomily.

    "But then my friends helped realize that moping around about it wasn't helping," said Ray. "And then well…I just had to admit it…it wasn't my fault, and it could have happened to anyone."

    I hope Adrian dies next.

    Star looked at him thoughtfully.

    "I just got fed up with crying and feeling sorry for myself," Ray said. "Mika and the others just picked me up, dusted me off, and gave me a new beginning."

    "I think I understand that now…," said Star. She was about to ask him a different question concerning feelings…but was interrupted. Behind them came a rustling noise. Sam burst out of some bushes.

    LET'S TALK ABOUT OUR FEELINGS~~~

    "Star, there you- Ray?" Sam's astonishment turned to confusion.

    "Don't worry, man, me and Star were just havin' a little chat," the Selkie replied, winking.

    Ray just might be up to something.

    "Things were gettin' a little bit ugly back there, y'know?"

    He got up and ran a hand through his long hair.

    -that Garrett was jealous of.

    "Well I'm off…see you guys tomorrow," he said.

    Sam and Star both watched him go. Then Sam sat down next to her.

    "I'm sorry for what-," he began.

    "Don't worry about it," said Star, shrugging. "We were bound to meet up again one day."

    "But still…," said Sam, a guilty expression still on his features. "I just…I can't believe he did that to you."

    "It's fine," said Star, reassuringly. "In fact, I suppose I'm a little grateful to Rex."

    Oh, teh plot thickens.

    Sam looked at her incredulously. "You're WHAT! Grateful to that scumbag-!"

    "Yes," said Star. "You see, the whole reason I joined the Tipa caravan was to undo all of the horrible things my brother did. If he hadn't done anything, I would've never joined and I…I would've never the others…and you."

    You're an afterthought, Sam.

    Sam felt blood rush to his face. "I-"

    You're an afterthought, Sam, you're not that important.
    "But it'll all be okay now," said Star with a smile. "Well…I am…I don't know about the others, though."

    Sam got to his feet, and helped her up. He embraced her and held her close.

    "I just hope everything will be okay."

    "It will…you'll see."

    Oh…if only you knew, Star! MUAHAHAHA!

    Favorite Parts: Despite the Sam/Star moments, my favorite moment is the conversation between Ray and Star. I find it funny how, out of all the characters, Ray gets along with everyone.

    Drug dealers are people people.

    Well…this was sort of the second argument. In case you haven't figured it out, this year is the ARGUING year. I've sort of set each year into a theme…

    Year one was screwing about, year two was derping about, and the third year was mucking about, the fourth year will be about serious business, and then the cycle repeats itself.

    Sam and Star are almost there! But not yet. Not a lot of other hints though.

    What hints? What relationship between Sam and Star?

    Garrett, you got APPLE'D. But he deserves it. Garrett doesn't understand feelings well.

    Next Chapter: Daemon's Court. A fortress of cunning lizardmen and other horrors. But this time, the Tipa caravan might actually meet their match!

    Mog: This was an excellent chapter, I must add. I didn't get any involvement in the plot, get punched, and yanked around by that dumbass Garrett. Thank you, author.

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    Re: MST- Tipa's Crystal Chronicles by Dark Amphithere

    Post by Quezacotl on Sun Apr 17, 2011 6:59 pm

    36. Defeat


    Spoiler:
    *jaws music* Here it comes…

    OH NO

    THE NEXT CHAPTER OF FINAL FANTASY: TIPA'S CRYSTAL CHRONICLES!

    ...yawn.

    So yeah. In this chapter, Daemon's Court…interesting stuff happens there.

    Uh…not much else to say. I mean, currently, we are watching the Marlboro and an Ahriman have a staring contest. We'll let you know who wins.

    Either way, the reader loses.

    Note: This chapter contains switching from character POVS. It's still in third person, but it will switch from character to character.

    Here we go!

    It's a me, Mario!

    Night had already fallen, as the Tipa caravan made its way into their final stop of the year: Daemon's Court, the home of the lizardmen.

    It's actually pronounced Daemon'sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Court, dumbassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

    Torches were alight, flickering around the fortress that lay in front of the eight travelers. It seemed to be a large, tent-like coliseum, with a dragon head on the single doorway inside. Surrounding this building were many catapults, bridges, and platforms.

    Except these catapults were actually trebuchets.

    "Alright, we've spent a day analyzing the lizardmen and there patterns," said Sam to his friends.

    We're outmanned and outgunned - even worse, they don't even have a structured defense. We're totally outclassed.

    They had decided to make a plan in advance when Lianora pointed out how smart the lizardmen were. It hadn't been easy, with the caravanners arguing, but they had made a successful plan.

    They'd derp in, raise some derp, have a derp party, and get the derp out of derp.

    "We know the way they guard," said Creston. "The movements they make.

    Ray: The drugs- I mean stripped apples they eat.
    Garrett: The hair they fondle.
    Star: The friends they make fun of.
    Nieta: The sexy weapons they sexily carry.
    Sam: The leadership they pretend to have.
    Lia: The uh...um...yeah...


    And we know that the entrance to that coliseum needs two keys to get in. The myrrh tree is definitely in there, because we haven't seen it anywhere else…so we move around quietly, killing each lizardmen silently so they don't make a ruckus. Any questions?"

    Garrett: I think we should just run in and yell “LET’S DO THIS!". Its much simpler.

    Everyone shook their heads. Mog picked up the chalice, and the gang started to head in.

    Mog: ...oh god dammit.

    But they found a problem early in. They had only found one lizardman, and he had been drunk. Garrett killed him easily.

    Easily, as in it took him a long time.

    The next monster they found was a bomb. Ray shot it down quietly, and the monster hit the bridge it was standing over. The bomb let out a loud explosion, blowing the wooden bridge apart. The logs floated down the river, and disappeared from sight.

    After encountering a single couerl and a killer bee, the caravanners had realized it: something was wrong.

    DERP

    "Something isn't right around here," said Ray, breaking the uneasy silence. "Something is very wrong."

    "Speak for yourself, I'm just happy it's going easy," said Nieta.

    Optimism, fuck yeah!

    "No…," said Star quietly. "It isn't right. Think about it. We have hardly seen any monsters in such an intimidating fortress…and yesterday, we saw so many lizardmen patrolling this place…where could they have all vanished off to?"

    Company vacation?

    Garrett rolled his eyes. "Doesn't matter, they're not here. I think you're just making a big deal out of nothing."

    Well, Garrett just jynxed them. If Garrett doesn't expect it, it will happen.

    "If there's nothing here, then we shouldn't worry so much," said Lianora, agreeing with the hotheaded Lilty.

    "I don't know," said Sam, voicing his thoughts. "It's pretty weird…"

    "Sam, look!" hissed Nieta, pointing. Over by the entrance of the coliseum were two lizardmen guards.

    They stood at parade rest, with the same expression on their face.
    DERP


    "They must have the keys!" said Mika. "There's no one else here!"

    Garrett: ...besides us! Hey, you guys must have the keys, you traitors!

    "They look familiar…have we seen those two before?" questioned Nieta.

    Star: Probably at the strip club -...err...

    Creston stared hard at them. "Veo Lu Sluice. I believe their names were Raust and Zesall…I thought they had dissolved in miasma, but it turns out I was wrong."

    "Well, let's go take them out!" snarled Garrett dashing forward. "We'll get the keys in no time!"

    Garrett's plan is perfect! I sense no ambush!

    "Garrett, no! We're supposed to do this sneakily!" whispered Sam harshly.

    Stupid Sam, why can't you be more like Garrett?

    "Don't tell me what to do, farmer boy!" came the returning growl. Mika and Lia moved after him, to back him up just in case something went wrong.

    Ackbar: ...hey guys-

    But just as Garrett was about to make his move, one of the lizardmen lifted a torch. The fire shined a warm light on all of the caravanners.

    ...its a trap.

    The lizardman holding the torch grinned. "Well, well, well, isssn't thisss déjà vu?" he hissed. "Remember thessse foolsss, Zesssall?"

    Why yesssssssss I do, essssssspecially that girl we sssssssssaw at the ssssstrip club- err....

    "Indeed I do, Raussst," said Zesall, eyes glittering. "How have you been."

    Lizardmen are too badasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss for proper punctuation.

    "Enough small talk," said Sam, moving forward. Garrett had already gotten the caravanners caught anyway, so Sam could freely move towards the lizardmen. "We're here to take you out and take the myrrh from the tree. Give us your keys if you value your life."

    Sam: Bow down before my faux-badassery, bitches!

    Both lizardmen glanced at each other.

    Derp.

    Then they did the thing Sam expected the least: they laughed. It was shrill, sharp, mocking laughter, that made the hairs on Sam's neck stand on the end.

    Insert Justin Bieber joke here.

    "Oh man…," snorted Raust, clutching his stomach. "That'sss rich! Can you believe it, Zesssall?"

    "I know," responded his companion. "Exactly asss planned!"

    Zesssall lovesssss hissss assses

    "What do you mean?" asked Sam, confused.

    ...Sam, how the hell are you ssssssso ssssssstupid?

    "You picked the wrong kind of battle ssstrategy," said Raust.

    Garrett: pfff, the wrong kind!? My battle ssstrategy is perfect!

    With a grin, Zesall blew into a trumpet. Star realized what was happening.

    Oh shit, he's calling the rest of the band. Raving team prick versus the square dancing team orchestra.

    "No!" she shouted, stabbing the lizardmen in the heart.

    Star learned how to teleport, apparently.

    Zesall shuddered and stilled, but it was too late. As Raust snarled in rage, all the caravanners saw it.

    A tiny butterfly.
    SHIT JUST GOT REAL.


    Rising up, out of the shadows, was an almighty number of lizardmen,

    There were three, the almightiest number of them all

    all armed to the teeth and bristling with weapons. Big lizardmen, small lizardmen, all covered in gleaming black armor.

    It was really just cardboard painted black, but at least it was better than that heavy stuff the blacksmiths made for all of them.

    And they all wore the same facial expression:

    DERP

    a grin that radiated bloodlust.

    ...what I said.

    They had been so focused on not being seen, they had completely overlooked the fact that the lizardmen hadn't been seen as well!

    ...wut

    They had been ambushed. They had fallen into a trap.



    Raust, smirk back in place, snapped his fingers. "ATTACK!" he roared.

    It took him a few years to get rid of his stutter - he was no king, but he hated public speaking all the same - but it was totally worth it.

    The lizardmen surged into battle like a mighty wave, only focusing on one thing: the death of the Tipa caravan.

    No, they just came (LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL) for the free beer.

    Star was surrounded by lizardmen, but every time she managed to defeat, or even hit one, another would stab her in the back.

    Star: WHO SENT ALL THESE BABIES TO FIGHT
    Lizardmen is spies!


    Blood stained her nice clothes as she struggled to defend herself.

    OH SNAP. SHE'LL NEVER GET THAT BLOOD STAIN OUT OF HER NICE CLOTHES.

    She saw Nieta and Sam nearby, fighting side by side. She glanced to the left, seeing a lizardman holding a spear lunge for her. She was hit in the shoulder, and let out a cry, before stabbing the lizardman furiously.

    Spear wounds. Psh, nothing. I eat pain.

    Star looked around wildly, and saw Creston, struggling with his hammer, as he didn't have time to cast spells in this hoard of foes.

    Clearly Creston hasn't mastered Hammertime.

    "Creston!" gasped Star, struck by a sword again. "Come on…help me…cast a magic around us."

    Preferably one that gets Que out of here.

    "What are you, insane?" asked the Yuke, viciously crushing a large lizardman's skull. "In this mob? We'd both get killed!"

    The lizardmen politely gave Star a break from the fighting.

    "But-" said Star.

    "Don't tell me what to do!" interrupted Creston, as his staff and a lizardman's mace met with a loud CRACK! "Acting like everyone knows what's best got us into this- GAH!"

    Star looked over from her opponent, to see Creston's body lit aflame by a fire spell.

    Needless to say, he was a little burnt up about it.
    I know I'm terrible.


    The lizardman that had been fighting him previously knocked the Yuke over. The Yuke was trampled by the vicious reptilian creatures.

    Psh, nothing compared to black friday.

    "Creston!" shrieked Star. "I'm coming- AAH!"

    ...

    She hadn't seen it coming, but a lizardman had clonked her on the head. Star's last vision was a swirl of chaos and blood.

    Such a purty picture.

    Then, everything went black.

    ...figures the Rolling Stones ruin it for us all.

    Mika grunted at the effort of pushing another lizardman off her. She leaped over towards another one of the beasts and broke its neck with her racket.

    Good thing she took those Tennis lessons.

    But she couldn't keep it up. Her body was starting to covered in bruises and cuts, and she had one part where she had been hit by a blizzard spell.

    She didn't need it though, just her face.

    She had just witnessed Creston going down under all the creatures, but Mika couldn't go over and help him now. She was too busy with her own opponents.

    She shot an aura blast at a lizardman, hitting it square in the eye.

    Figures, that was his one good eye. Good eye, Mika.

    It screeched at the pain and keeled over, screaming.

    Pansy. In the world of final fantasy, you have to go on fighting even if you lose all your appendages! In the case of Team Prick, all their blood and brains.

    Mika vaguely wondered how Ray, Star, and the rest were doing. She had only seen Garrett at the beginning of the battle, who had viciously told her to not bother him, and that she wasn't the leader, so she didn't need to worry about him.

    He's screwed.

    As she knocked over another monster, Mika noticed that this wasn't only a battle with the lizardmen, but a battle with the caravanners themselves.

    "All this leadership crap is gonna get us killed," she hissed to herself under her breath. "It has to stop!"

    Que agrees, do away with all the characters while you're at it.
    Before she could think about anything else, however, she felt a sharp pain in her stomach.

    Garrett's cooking sucked more than him.

    She looked down, her eyes widening to see a spear sticking out of it.

    Spears in your stomach!? No worries, there's no need for blood in final fantasy!

    She looked up and saw a gold lizardman laughing cruelly at her, another spear in its hand.

    Oh, sorry about that! Here I'll thrust another one in to see if I can wedge that one out!

    Gold?

    It was purty.

    As she dropped to her knees, Mika wondered why this lizardman had been a different color. But it didn't matter anymore…

    Damned lizardman had to be damned unique with all this damned uniforms - he should stop using the word damned before it becomes too damned uniform too. Damn it.

    Garrett was fighting like 10 men.

    Hair fondling is a great exercise, if you want to become a manly manly man like Garrett, fondling your hair all day every day!

    He had probably killed more of these accursed things then all the others combined.

    He split a nail of one and gave another a boo-boo. They were scared shitless ofh him.

    The heat of battle was starting to get to him.

    He fondled his hair for comfort.

    Glancing down, he saw that Mog was still beneath him. The little moogle had been hit by a lizardman's mace, and had fallen down. With the chalice beneath him, Garrett had to still fight and maneuver well while protecting his fallen companion.

    He stabbed one lizardman, he shattered the jaw of another.

    On accident, of course. Damned pointy stick had its own damn mind. Damn I use damn too damn much, damn it.

    But then a giant lizardman loomed before him. Their eyes met. And Garrett knew.

    EURAKA! I CAN NOW PROVE THAT THE STRING THEORY IS TOTAL BULLSHIT!

    "You!" he exclaimed, pointing. "You were at Selepation Cave!"

    ...lame

    "Yesss…," crooned Snair in a mocking tone. "You remember me? It took me a long time to find my way out of the cave after you and your companions knocked me over a cliff.

    Garrett: That was a cliff with a sheer drop into a field of spikes. How did you survive?
    Snair: FanFiction logic.
    Garrett: Oh...nevermind.


    My two companionsss didn't sssurvive. I needed the food," explained Snair in a wretched voice.

    ...he didn't...

    Garrett almost gagged.

    Eating other people's rations!? What the hell is wrong with you!? Even if they're dead, man, that's just...just WRONG!

    "You're sick!" he shouted. "Just you wait, this time I'll make sure your dead."

    Garrett is too badass for proper word usage.

    "Wow…I wasss jussst about to sssay the sssame thing," said Snair, letting out a croaky chuckle. Garrett stared in confusion.

    DERP

    "What do you-" he began, but a stabbing pain in his back stopped him from completing his sentence.
    NOT POLITE MAN, WTF WAS THAT!?

    Groaning, Garrett gave one last glare to the lizardman, before falling to the ground and vanishing under the swarm of lizardmen.

    Damn Zerg rush always gets me.

    Nieta and Sam were fighting side by side. They had agreed to forget their differences and work together- for now anyway.

    Nieta wondered why Creston or anyone else hadn't foreseen this.

    ...
    I'll give the author the benefit of the doubt on this one.


    Maybe it was because the arguments they had had affected everyone more than each caravanner though.

    nope.avi

    Sam moved forward and helped Nieta fend off a large foe.

    "We'll make it through this," assured Sam. "We always have and we always will." Nieta nodded, and let out a small, determined smile.

    But all the while, while Sam spoke, Raust had crept up behind him.

    Its not rape if you say-

    "Thisss isss for Zesssall," growled the lizardman.

    He's doing it wrong.

    He drew his cutlass and thrust it forward.

    "SAM!" screamed Nieta, as he fell to the ground, bleeding heavily from his back and shoulder.

    Both were minor wounds, he'd be back and fighting within a chapter.

    Raust cackled at his handiwork, and disappeared into the growing mass of lizardmen.

    Oh shit, they're defying the conservation of mass!? SHIT JUST GOT REAL

    Nieta looked around desperately, when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around in alarm.

    Lia was standing right next to her, with Creston's limp body draped over her shoulder. Mog was tied messily to her coat, and she held the chalice in her hand.

    Lia: Come with me if you want to live

    Nieta's eyes widened in dismay. 'Not Mog and Creston, too!'

    Mog: ...why me, Author...why me?

    "Help me get them out of here!" exclaimed Lia. "We're not going to win this battle. We've already lost."

    They obviously don't have any canned heroic resolve nor do they believe in the power of friendship. Some JRPG group this is.

    Nieta nodded, swallowing her fear.

    Tasted like chicken.

    She picked up Sam, and carried him out of the mob, as fast as her stubby little legs could carry her.

    I've decided, Nieta is a hyperintelligent stupid penguin.

    She met Lia out there.

    Oh how very descriptive.

    They looked desperately at the battle as Lia cured them all. What about the others? Now that they were out of the battle, their friends were no longer under the chalice's protection,

    Good plan, girls.

    as Lia had the chalice with her.

    ...

    "Where are Star, Mika, Garrett, and Ray?" asked Nieta fearfully. Then she heard Lia gasped, and the Yuke pointed.

    Ray emerged, carrying Garrett in his arms, with Star on his back.

    lol Symbolism. Ray carries the damn team and treats Garrett like a baby.

    Both of them were out cold. Ray's body was covered with slashes and bruises. Lia spotted a BITE MARK on him.

    Someone used pokemon? THE FUCK!?

    He set down both of his comrades. "I've got them. Take care of them. They still haven't noticed that we've left the battle."

    Damn they’re stupid.

    The Selkie stared down at his fallen friends. Then he gasped.

    ...derp

    "Where's Mika?" he demanded. Lia looked at him fearfully.

    "She's not with you?" asked the Yuke. Ray's eyes widened and he looked back at the hoard of lizardmen.

    yeahhemad.jpeg

    He started to run, but Lia grabbed him.

    "There's barely any chance that she's still alive in there, with all those monsters and no chalice protection!" shouted Lia, pointing to the holder of the myrrh.

    Pfff.
    Without protection.


    "I care for her too, but this is not the time to be reckless!"

    Ray shook her off. "I was supposed to be dead too, but I'm still here, aren't I? Even if she is dead," he swallowed fearfully, "she'll get a proper funeral. And besides, I'm a Selkie! We're made to be reckless!"

    Lia watched as Ray dashed into the battle once more.

    "Oh god…why did this have to happen?" she asked herself in dismay.

    As Ray dashed through the onslaught of weapons, he wondered what the hell he was doing.

    The Selkie code flashed through his mind: Always put yourself first.

    Then why the hell was he risking his own life to rescue Mika's?

    Dunno, let's go home and eat some cheesy poofs.

    She was just another friend. It's not like she mattered a lot. But when Ray thought about it, would he have done this for any other of the caravanners?

    Probably not. Maybe, but probably not.

    Unless they had a stripped apple, but Ray had already stolen them all. If anyone else did have any reserves, he'd save them, force them to reveal their stash at gunpoint, then throw them back into the mob.

    Ray weaved through the sea of reptiles, and then he caught sight of something: a flash of silvery-grey hair.

    Mika is old

    Ray dodged through the crowd and found Mika, lying under a group of lizardmen.

    ...giggity

    One of them was grinning and reaching down towards her.

    ...giggity

    Ray grabbed it by the throat, and hurled the creature into its bloodthirsty companions.

    Hey! That one's sexual too!

    He scooped up Mika, and ran.

    As he moved quickly through the beasts, he listened closely. His eyes brightened: he could still hear and feel her heartbeat.

    Determined, Ray felt all exhaustion vanish and moved even faster. All that mattered now was getting Mika out safely.

    Lia gasped as Ray emerged, carrying Mika. She made to help him, but he ran right past her.

    "Come on, let's go! We need to get out of here!" shouted Ray.

    Let's gtfo out of dodge, good plan.

    Nieta grabbed the chalice and Sam, and began to run, while Lia grabbed Creston and followed her. Ray threw Star over his shoulder and picked up Garrett by the Lilty's hair tuft with his teeth. As they ran out of the bloody battlefield, Lianora stole a glance backwards.

    Mog: WAIT WHAT THE FUCK

    Then she saw it. There was a large figure in the shadows, on a platform above, watching as the chaotic battle took place. She knew that this was the creature who made the plan. This was the creature who had known they were coming. This was the creature that wanted them dead.

    ...

    The lizardman king

    ...

    And as Lia looked back, their eyes met. And Lia understood.

    They had managed to escape, but with heavy casualties. And although they were free from the fiendish monsters, they had not won at all. The king had let them escape. He knew they would probably die anyway.

    he's jealous

    In their third year, at Daemon's Court, the Tipa caravan was defeated.

    OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS CHAPTER SO MUCH! DONE!

    Favorite Parts: I loved the entire chapter, but my favorites were Garrett and Snair, Ray saving Mika, and the moment between the lizardman king and Lianora.

    Okay, first of all, this is NOT the end. But I loved adding this plot twist/ cliffhanger.

    This just goes to prove the saying: United we stand, but divided we fall.

    CLICHES ARE AWESOMES

    More returning monsters! The lizardmen have returned. So they'll die off soon. Razz

    YAY I LOVE IT WHEN THINGS DIE

    And so, down go the caravanners. Hope you enjoyed this special chapter

    Next Chapter: After the disaster at Daemon's Court, the Tipa caravanners are left to lick their wounds in shame.

    Garrett: I LOVE THE TASTE OF SHAME

    Realizing that the only way to solve their problem is to talk, the caravanners try to understand each other.

    In other words, they have to be rational.
    Yep, this story is done.


    But will they be able to regroup, take the myrrh from Daemon's Court, and return to Tipa in time?

    Dunno, what’re the other 37 chapters about, more angst?
    No thanks, Author. No thanks
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    Quezacotl
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    Re: MST- Tipa's Crystal Chronicles by Dark Amphithere

    Post by Quezacotl on Sat May 07, 2011 9:57 pm

    37: Forgiven Friendships

    Spoiler:
    *turns on a flashlight*

    TURN IT OFF OH GOD ITS HORRENDOUS

    Sorry, power outages finally over.

    In other words, the author finally got off his lazy ass.

    Yeah…this is a "bonding chapter"

    if you know what I mean...
    chemical bonds, obviously


    …so not much action, but hey…

    Forming chemical bonds is serious business

    FINALLY, THE CHARACTERS BECOME FRIENDS AGAIN!

    Other than that, not much. I'll try not to rush this chapter because…I LOVE DAEMON'S COURT Very Happy

    That level sucks!

    Alright, enough shouting. Here ya go.

    *turns off flashlight*

    Finally - good lord, that was horrendous...

    Every caravanner was seated in the upstairs section of an inn in the Fields of Fum.

    They were in the waiting room for the waiting room for the bickering room. The Inn had a strict policy of having no bickering in any waiting room, and any violator of the law would promptly, unexpectedly, be taken to the Spanish inquisition.

    No one would refuse the caravanners now that they were injured.

    It was good for business, especially - the potion, food, and Inns jack their prices up whenever come come into town. It does wonders for their economy.

    It was quiet. No one had really spoken in days.

    They had heard the Spanish Inquisition was in town. But no one expected
    THE COMFY CHAIR


    Sam sat beside Star and Creston, who were both in critical condition.

    They had taken too many ---
    CRITICAL HITS
    /instantrimshot


    He looked down at his old friend, and his favorite person in the caravan. Both had almost been lost.

    Thank god for the purty and kind girl at the front desk, getting lost at Disneyworld would have been a scarring experience.

    And why? Because the bonds of the caravanners' friendship had been shattered to pieces. Sam winced, looking down at his bandaged stomach.

    Which was next to his bandaged liver, heart, and eyes. How he was still alive? Ask the author.

    He wasn't too well either.

    UNDERSTATEMENT

    He had been stabbed when his back was turned, a bad slash wound on his shoulder, and several cuts on his sword arm.

    Fortunately he had a few spare weapon arms - they were a pain to get though,he often mistook them for his wanking arms, his fist shaking arms, or his fake novelty arms.

    Those lizardmen played dirty.

    Using a strategy older than dirt!? TOTAL HAX!

    Garrett stood, stabbing his spear in a wooden stool every couple of seconds.

    Damn stool stole his childhood sweetheart. REVENGE IS SO SWEET.

    He had a bad stab wound in his back, and a dislocated shoulder.

    Hopefully the chiropractor made it quick and painless, this masochist probably dislocated it himself.

    Luckily for him, his injuries hadn't been too serious. But one thing had been injured very badly; his pride.

    Mika sat silently, letting out a small noise of pain whenever she moved.

    Thank you doctor. You are amazing, the treatment is a great success.

    Her stomach had been badly injured, and her head had suffered some heavy blows.

    Great procedure. I want to be a doctor now.

    Whenever a loud noise sounded from outside, she would wince.

    OH YAY THEY'RE SELLING SUPER-LOUD NOISEMAKERS! ITS JUST LIKE CHRISTMAS!

    Creston was awake, his rasping breaths the only sound that was really in the room.

    There were a few irrelevant noises, like the ticking of a bomb and an army of goblins, but whatever.

    He felt stupid. He felt guilty. He knew he could've prevented all of this from happening. But no.

    He should've listened to Ackbar.

    He just had to go and prove himself right. But what did he prove?

    He was stupid.

    That his smart remarks could've gotten them all killed. Creston felt burns all along his body, and bruises from when he had been trampled. He had a stinging migraine, and his original burnt arm was hurting him worse now.

    Ray sat on the windowsill, looking out on the shiny day around them.

    It sparkled more than a certain vampire we all love.

    He hadn't been injured horribly.

    He was impaled with a spear and was missing two limbs, but his outlook on life was never better.

    He had only received many minor cuts, a shock from a weak thunder spell, and a sprained ankle from all the running he did. Ray didn't care about his injuries that much. Compared to his ordeal in Selepation Cave, this physical pain was nothing. But mentally, he was hurting really bad. Mika, Garrett…all of them had almost been killed.

    Almost...I feel your pain, Ray.

    Nieta shivered slightly. She had been hit by Blizzara spell, and the aftereffects were still hurting her. She also had some facial wounds

    Garrett: Massive improvement

    and a gash in her leg.

    She stretched for a moment,

    and broke twenty bones.

    but quickly stopped after a sharp pain hit her. She simply leaned against the wall where she had been, in the silence that had gripped the group since Daemon's Court.

    The sweet rave party outside was enticing, however no one really cared.

    Star was asleep. She only had a broken finger, and a twisted ankle. She also sprained her wrist, and had a bump on the back of her head. Her life wasn't in any danger, but she could barely move. She breathed quietly, almost silently, as the other caravanners watched her fearfully, scared that she might leave them.

    Yeah, her injuries are pretty grave, you should totally get that checked out! Nevermind that your organs are spilled all over, broken fingers and twisted ankles are serious business!

    Lianora seemed to be the least injured, as she sat quietly in a corner, stroking Mog's fur.

    She will be fine as long as she has her precioussssssss

    She herself only had a few bruises and bumps. Her neck had been whacked badly, and she had some cuts along her leg.

    She was also perpetually on fire, but no one really cared about her.

    She let out a quiet breath.

    It sounded like a thousand chronic smokers all struggling to breathe at the same time.

    "Alright everyone…," she said, her voice ringing out like a strong, clear bell. "We need to talk."

    We're clearly not psychics, we can’t communicate telepathically...

    "What's there to talk about?" asked Garrett, for once not sounding aggressive. "We lost; it's over."

    That's the spirit!

    "What do you mean, it's over?" asked Lia, pressing onwards.

    STOP WITH YOUR DOWNER ATTITUDE LIA, YOU'RE HELPING NO ONE!

    Somehow, a small seed of hope had sprouted within her. She knew she could fix this.

    Bob the Builder said it could be done.

    "We lost," said Mika, scratching her back. "We lost, and now we're injured. Now it doesn't matter what happens; there's no way we can bounce back from something like this."

    Unless we were made of rubber, but that'd be stupid, sorta like RUNNING BLINDLY INTO AN ENEMY STRONGHOLD.

    "She's right…," said Sam softly. "By the time we're completely healed, Tipa will be done for."

    They should've grinded more beforehand. Or at least used better micro.

    Lia sighed. She was starting to lose that hope she had moments earlier.

    Then Nieta piped up. "Our injuries aren't that bad. We'll probably be fine in a week. Maybe less, because we're so tough."

    YEAH WE'RE SO TOUGH WE SLEEP ON BEDS OF NAILS WHILE ON FIRE.

    Ray let out a soft chuckle.

    Everyone knows Nieta couldn't handle the fire.

    "Yeah…I mean…after what I went through, I'll be back out killing monsters in no time."

    Creston sighed. "Even if our bodies heal, it doesn't really matter. We've said things that can't be taken back…this is the end of our friendship, isn't it?"

    Yep, definitely, let's end this waste of time here.

    "No, it's not!" said Mika, her voice starting to regain that strong tone it once had.

    SHUT UP MIKA.

    Lia nodded slowly, her hands still running gently through Mog's fur. "We can fix this."

    GOD DAMMIT BOB!

    "What do you want us to do?" asked Garrett, starting to get angry because he didn't understand.

    SCREW IT, WE'LL DO IT LIVE

    "Talk," said Lianora simply.



    "Talking is what caused this in the first place," countered Creston darkly.

    Yeah, you should all shut up and commit seppuku like proper protagonists!

    "If talking can cause a problem, then talking can fix it," declared Lia.

    Good idea Lia! Lets stick a knife in our leg to get the first one out!

    "Alright then…now...let's start with when it all began," said Lia.

    Back in the room where it's always nine in the afternoon.

    "Creston. You snapped at Lia, which started all this. Why?"

    A better question, why does Lia refer to herself in third person?

    Creston sighed. "I'm sorry…I was stressed…my meeting with my father was interesting…to say the least…"

    If you have not noticed yet, dear reader, Creston has blamed stress for his stupidity. Stress. Stupidity.
    I think this author is on to something.


    Lianora looked at him closely. "What happened?"

    "I'm sorry Lia…that is something I will NOT talk about," said Creston sincerely, but firmly.

    What happens at band camp STAYS at band camp.

    Lia knew he wouldn't budge. She sighed. Hadn't there been enough secrets? Oh well.

    "Garrett, you got angry next-," began the female Yuke, but Garrett interrupted her.

    INTERRUPTIONS ARE MANLY! AS IS JUXTAPOSISTION!

    "I was defending Nieta…and well…from that point on…I guess me and Creston just got a little hotheaded…

    A little. Psh.

    I hadn't been thinking about what I was saying and I'm…sorry for what I said," said Garrett awkwardly.

    Apologizing is not manly.

    "Same here," said Creston.

    Readers, please leave if you do not appreciate slashfiction.

    "You're forgiven," said all five of the other caravanners. "We're sorry as well."

    We're terribly sorry for being extremely apologetic. No really, sorry about that.

    "Now then…the first argument is settled, because Star only flipped out when we were all insulting each other and such," said Ray calmly. "Now let's solve the second one."

    Ray: LET'S ALL BLAME STAR!

    "The second argument began when we placed the blame on Star," said Garrett quietly. "And well…it's not that…I mean…"

    Garrett: THE TROUBLE STARTED WHEN WE BLAMED STAR!
    The conclusion: moar trouble and angst, hope you enjoy.

    "It wasn't Star's fault. I'm guessing that Rex had twisted her memories to make her feel the guilt," said Lianora firmly.

    Then she quite firmly kicked Cresty in the balls and then firmly began a firm campaign to firmly set the world in her firm iron fist.

    "Everyone who sided against Star, you need to apologize to her."

    Screw this, I'm going home.

    "I'm…sorry," said Garrett bitterly.

    GOING AGAINST THE MANLY CODE IS NOT MANLY.

    "I ask for forgiveness as well," said Creston, glancing at Star next to him.

    "Same here," said Nieta. "It wasn't your fault."

    Even though you were being a total bitch that was looking for a fight.

    A bright voice came from next to Creston. "It's okay guys, I forgave you a long time ago."

    Surely it wasn't Mog - he'll never forgive this bastards for their bastardness.

    "Star!" said Sam, hugging her, then pulling away quickly after he felt her wince.

    His breath was that terrible.

    "So…we're all friends again!" said Star, her radiant smile lighting up the room. Everyone else smiled in return. The sun outside the window had risen to its full height, shining down on them all with a warm light.

    SUNSHINE LOLLIPOPS AND RAINBOWS FTW

    "Okay…here's the plan…," said Creston, a few days later, sitting in front of the caravanners with a drawing.

    There were doodles all over - a troll face, a fat man, a giant penis, and a monkey humping a coconut.

    "When we go back to Daemon's Court in a few days…here's how we'll do it."

    "First of all, we kill them all.

    No more sissy pansy fighting - I'm looking at you, Garrett.

    No holds barred. Every lizardman in that fort is going down, understood?" Eight heads nodded (Mog had become enthusiastic about killing the lizardmen).

    It was time he bathed in the blood of his enemies again! THE SKY WILL RAIN BLOOD TODAY!

    "So we kill them. I've noticed there are catapults there. We can use those to our advantage.

    The monsters will definitely be too dumb to use them, that's why they're conveniently aimed towards the army of monsters.
    THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.


    Mog stays in the center, so we can defend him from all sides. We cannot afford for someone to carry the chalice. They'd become too easy of a target."

    "But here's the main issue," said Creston, thinking. "Those two keys…they weren't found with the door's guards. The boss and myrrh tree is DEFINITELY in there…so…any ideas?"

    That would require intelligent thought - did you forget who you were talking to?

    But everyone was silent. Where could the keys be?

    Well, I got one in my pocket.

    "Great…if we can't get into that golden fortress, we're done for…," said Creston, heaving a great sigh.

    Golden.

    Purty.

    Something flashed in Mika's brain. She had remembered!

    Gold is purty.

    "I saw a golden lizardman," said Mika, standing up. Everyone stared at her in confusion.

    "Gold?" asked Nieta. "Lizardmen are green. Unless it was armor."

    DERP

    "No, it was gold," confirmed Mika firmly.

    Silly albinos.

    "It had a gash on its face. I don't think armor bleeds."

    Que punched an armor in the face once. They do bleed.

    "So…?" asked Garrett, confused.

    "Gold lizardman," explained Mika. "Golden dragon door. How many lizardmen did you see that were gold?"

    Hurmmmmmm.
    Square key...
    Square hole...
    Picture showing square key going into square hole...
    ...
    FUCK THIS, I'M GONNA CONSULT THE STRATEGY GUIDE.


    Everyone was silent. Then Sam spoke.

    HERP DERP

    "I think I saw one…," he said uncertainly. "It threw a spear at me."

    That was highly impolite of him.

    "The golden ones throw spears," said Mika. "So that's two so far."

    "Unless Sam saw the same one," argued Lia. Sam shook his head.

    "The one I saw didn't have a gash," said Sam.

    "You might have seen it before it received it," said Creston matter-of-factly.

    herp derp

    "I saw one…near Garrett…right before Garrett went down," said Sam confidently, remembering.

    "Mika fell before I did," said Garrett.

    ...

    "That means if Sam saw one without a gash, and Mika saw one with a gash, that means they saw two different lizardmen. But I still don't get what it means…"

    HERP DERP

    "It means that there are at least two golden lizardmen, and they both hold the keys," said Ray.

    "How do you know they have them?" asked Lia.

    "No other lizardmen dropped keys, though," said Nieta, agreeing with Lia.

    "But none of us killed a golden one," said Creston. "But two of them…two keys…two key holes…golden lizardmen…golden door…it all adds up…"

    They can add -
    but can they...
    SUBTRACT!?


    "And they throw spears," added Mika. "To try and kill you from far away…"

    "So you don't get close and kill them and get their keys!" finished Star.

    I'd protect my keys too...

    Creston thought, then nodded. "It's the most reasonable thing that we've thought of. You're probably right, Mika. Well thought."

    HERP DERP

    Mika grinned. "Yukes aren't the only ones with brains."

    Actually, I did an autopsy on each of their races, many times. In each of their brain cavities was a toaster, each one was on fire.

    "Alright, everyone," said Sam. "We leave in two days! Everyone get ready to kick some major lizardman butt!"

    Everyone cheered loudly.

    Creston sat alone late at night, carefully looking over the plan.

    In big red letters: DON'T FUCK IT UP

    He wanted to make sure everything was perfect.

    "It's late," came a voice from behind him. He slowly turned to see Lianora enter the room.

    "It doesn't matter," Creston replied. "Everything needs to be perfect."

    Like Quezacotl. I love that guy, in a non-asexual way.

    Lianora sat down beside him. "What do you mean?"

    "Well…not to try and sound like a pessimist…but if we mess this up…it's all over," said Creston darkly. "We can't afford to lose…or we lose more than just a chance for myrrh…we lose our families…and friends…"

    Serious business is seriously boring.

    Lianora nodded. "Well…you'd be a lucky one…you'd still have your father."

    HERP DERP

    Her ploy had worked.

    SHE HAD BACKTRACED HIS EMOTIONS AND FOUND THE CAUSE.

    Creston immediately flinched and clenched his feathery hands. "That is NOT luck," he growled, almost to himself.

    "So I thought right. Something happened." Creston cursed himself mentally now that Lianora had guessed it. "Something went down between you and your father."

    "Nothing went down. Things between are the same as always," said Creston, his voice a great deal more cold.

    Psh, it was pretty hot compared to the temperature at which alcohol freezes.

    "Creston…your burnt arm-"

    "It was an accident! You want the truth? I walked into a torch and didn't notice my arm was burning," defended the other Yuke.

    Plausible story.

    "Why didn't you tell us?" asked Lia. "It's not a big deal-"

    Creston snorted. "Garrett would never let me live it down."

    It really must suck to live by this manly code.

    Lia sighed and wanted to wail in frustration. Her voice became desperate. "Creston, hasn't there been enough secrets!"

    Seriously, we needz moar.

    "It's my business, not a secret! Why do you care?" asked Creston angrily.

    "Because I'm worried about you!" said Lia, raising her voice. Then she and Creston realized how loud they were being.

    Speaking of loudness, don't ever open 22 tabs of Nyan Cat simultaneously on full volume.

    "Shhh," said Creston, urging Lia to be quiet. "We mustn't wake the others."

    He sat back down. His companion made no move to leave.

    "I'm sorry…," he began. "I…I just don't want anyone to get involved…with it…it isn't serious…it's just…"

    "I…I understand as well," said Lia, bowing her head. "I…I didn't want to pester you. I just-"

    "Wanted to make sure I was okay," finished Creston. "And I am. And I suppose I'll tell you the real reason of my burnt arm…but you must not tell the others."

    She nodded. "I promise."

    Creston showed his burns to Lia. "When I went to speak with my father…we both…we both said things that should not have been said. We quarreled, and then I hit him with a fire spell, and he did the same."

    Lia gasped. "What...but...why?"

    "That is the only thing I wish to keep private," assured Creston quietly.

    You could say he's a little burnt up about it.
    LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL


    Then he was given a surprise; he found Lianora's arms around him.

    "Lia! I-" he said, shocked.

    "I'm sorry...," she said. "It must be hard…seeing us with all our parents."

    "Ray has it worse than I do," said Creston, hesitantly returning the embrace. "You shouldn't worry about me so much. I'm not worth it."

    After a long while, Lia finally went to bed. Creston still sat where he was, in front of the diagram, with a strange, new warmth in his body. Then silently, he went back to work as if nothing had ever happened.

    Ta-da *applause*

    Whoever clapped, I will hunt you down.

    Favorite Parts: Creston and Lia at the end, without a doubt

    So…yeah…arguing is over! Now that they've reconnected their ties of friendship, nothing can ssstop them. (okay, I'm sorry about the hissing).

    SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

    Uh…major Lia and Creston moments in this chapter…some occasional Star and Sam…

    NOW THEN: On to my favorite announcement. I'm thinking about doing a Christmas fic for these guys.

    Oh hell no.

    If you think that's a good idea, then here's the thing. They'd all be in couples, and I'd throw in bosses, villains, and reoccurring monsters.

    For shenanigans, I see.

    There's a poll on my profile. Vote now!

    I voted for the trio of little worms, that boss battle was epic!

    Next Chapter: The Tipa caravan returns to Daemon's Court, stronger than ever.

    THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP OVERCOMES ALL.

    As they storm the fortress and steal the keys, their bond grows even stronger.

    Triple covalent bonds!?
    QUADRUPLE COVALENT BONDS!?
    Shit just got real, guys.


    But the lizardman aren't done for yet. When another ambush occurs, what will the caravanners do?

    They'll panic and blame Star, and you can guess the rest.
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    Re: MST- Tipa's Crystal Chronicles by Dark Amphithere

    Post by ironic gay ninja on Mon Jan 30, 2012 7:11 pm

    this owns
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    Re: MST- Tipa's Crystal Chronicles by Dark Amphithere

    Post by Quezacotl on Sat Feb 04, 2012 9:59 pm

    Spoiler:

    Hello! Welcome to the next chapter…

    Been along time, really not long enough.

    My plot lab rats are attempting to find more ways to start the chapter.

    That. Explains. Everything.

    Daemon's Court. Round Two. That is all.

    Well, that’s a wrap, hope you enjoyed this MST

    BUT THIS IS IMPORTANT!

    I know how to freeze beer.

    The gang will start to use holy spells (because of the undead creatures in Daemon's Court and onwards).

    The Spanish Inquistion, I’m calling it.

    HOWEVER, the gang CANNOT use a life spells (because if Ray had died, they'd just bring him back).

    Seeing that I usually consider all these characters nymphomaniacs of some sort, one of them must be into necrophilia. In other words, doubt it.

    So basically, the holy spell is just going to be a holy spell, not really a fusion spell.

    Cor. Get on with the story.

    Basically, the life spell doesn't exist in this fic.

    Or don’t

    That's pretty much it.

    Or stall until next year.

    Here we go! *opens a warp hole in Daemon's Court*

    The author is OP.
    ________________________________________
    The eight caravanners stood in single file, facing the fortress of the foul beasts that had defeated them before.

    Then they all got distracted by a pretty butterfly, and followed it into mordor and accidentally threw themselves into Mount Doom.

    Before they died, they all agreed it was totally worth it.


    "Are we really going back in there, kupo?" asked Mog.

    Garrett: No, just you. Good luck, have fun, mog!

    "Yup," answered Ray.
    Sam drew his sword. "This is it guys. Do or die. Now let's try our best. Our village is counting on us!"

    He took a step forward, tripped, and landed on his own sword. The others shrugged, took a step forward, anddid the same. Eight more scrubs were sent within a week.

    "Right!" everyone else shouted.

    Mog: We could just procrastinate and save the world yesterday…

    They began to make their way into Daemon's Court.
    Their first opponents was a giant lizardman and coeurl. The lizardman's eyes widened at the sight of them.

    Time for eye surgery, again.

    "Ssso," hissed the monster. "You're back again, hmm? Didn't learn your lesson the firssst time, eh?"

    Garrett: Needed more whips and chains. Your bondage is so softcore.

    "Doesn't matter," said Sam, determination in his eyes. "We're not going to lose this time."

    I’d make fun of the power of friendship now, but lest we forget, Friendship is Magic, BLUEBERRY PIE.

    "Ha!" chuckled the lizardman. "Put your gil where your mouth his, plow pusher."

    I know a surgeon would who do that.

    "Gladly," said Sam, flashing [s]a signal to[/s] his friends. They all ran forward.

    And then stood in a line for turn-based combat.

    The lizardman lashed out with his mace, but Sam was ahead of him. Both of their weapons clashed fiercely, but Sam twirled on his feet and disarmed the lizardman.

    Disarm your enemy by twirling your feet?
    Sam must be the next Michael Jackson.


    Growling, the monster threw a punch at him, but Sam rolled out of the way.

    Peppy: I told you it would work!

    While Sam was dodging, the lizardman ran for his weapon, but Nieta kicked it over to Mika, who threw it at the coeurl.

    And by throwing it at the coeurl, she impaled Garrett, who was dancing with a butterfly behind Mika. Aiming is not one of her strong points.

    The coeurl hissed in pain, but managed to launch a fire spell in defense. Garrett managed to avoid the attack and sunk his spear into the cat-like being's ribs.

    The butterfly told him to. Then it told him to burn everything. Instead, Garrett punched himself in the face and the world was saved.

    The coeurl stumbled, shaking off flecks of blood before falling onto its stomach.
    Sam was still dueling with the now weaponless lizardman.

    Sam could probably moonwalk all over his gluteus maximus.

    The lizardman whacked Sam with its tail, knocking him back slightly.

    Spike is not the next Michael Jackson.

    He towered over Sam, who was off balance, but Sam pointed up. The lizardman looked in time to see Ray come down with his battle.

    Ray is scout. Rainbows make him cry.

    Disoriented, the poor reptile didn't see Lia's fire spell strike him. The burning beast stumbled backwards, into Nieta's extended spear.

    Which she had discarded, finding it more necessary to bash her head against the floor twenty thousand times.

    One last gasping growl and its lifeless body slid off of Nieta's spear.
    Nieta wiped off her spear. "Let's keep going," she said.
    They took a right at the large golden door, and found two new foes: one was a killer bee.

    It was a flying letter B with a bloody machete. And casual sight her in Tipa, nothing to worry about.

    But the next was a strange being indeed; it was a ghost.
    "Shoot!" said Star, eyes confused. "How are we supposed to kill a ghost?"

    Cross the streams.

    "Well…we'll need to cast a holy spell," said Creston.

    And…and…w-when w-we d-do it, w-we h-have to st-stut-ter l-like thi-this.

    "Can you or Lia do it?" asked Ray.
    Creston shook his head. "Yes, but listen. Unlike advanced fire and blizzard spells, holy spells are hard to do. You need to have around two people to do it most of the time. However, I'm good enough to cast it on my own. But it'll take a lot out of me. You'll have to guard me while I do it.

    We’re fucked. Good game, well played, Daemon’s Court.

    "Got it," said Sam. "Everyone surround Creston!"

    No Garrett, we’re not having an orgy right now.

    As soon as Sam's order was given, the two monsters turned and began their assault. Lia and Mika (putting her Blizzard Ring to good use) used a gravity spell on the Killer Bee, while Mika cast a simple Blizzard spell to finish it off.
    The ghost proved to be a more difficult opponent. While Creston gathered his power, Sam, Nieta, and Star were busy distracting the ghost.

    They directed the silly newfag to 4chan. They love how newfags can’t triforce.

    The ghost continued to make good attempts at stabbing them; he had already gotten Star, and nicked Nieta twice.

    I get stabbed everyday, its just a flesh wound. Really, getting stabbed ain’t all that bad.

    But finally, Creston was ready.
    "Holy!" he shouted.

    -shitmypantsareonfireohmygodthishurtssodamnmuchpleasekillme

    A bunch of white bubbles appeared around the monster, and it let out a furious, screeching cry.

    I CAME WHITE BUBBLES.

    It began to lose its transparency until it became completely opaque.

    Its too easy to do this one.

    The monster was now physical.

    SUGAR just got real, in other words.

    "Alright, now get it, quickly!" shouted Creston, gasping for breath. "Holy spells are only temporary. It won't last forever!"
    "We've got enough time!" said Sam.

    Just let me broadcast our entire strategy to our enemies who clearly will just stand there forever and not attack us and the negative buff we cast on them will not last forever so we should attack it right away without hesistation or a second thought or-

    Star stabbed the wraith in the back.

    Star is spy.

    While turned around furiously to confront her,

    Must be the ghost of Saxton HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALE

    Mika used an aura shot, nailing the undead in the back again. But it didn't even have time to turn before Garrett slashed it with his spear. The wraith twirled around dizzily, before falling to the dirt ground.

    Must have been a f2p.

    The caravan made its way over a bridge, and began to head north. But soon, they became surrounded. A coeurl, a bomb, a wraith, and a killer bee moved in towards them.

    Team Soliciter sucks.

    Lia reacted first.

    DERP

    She sent a blizzard attack at the floating bomb, freezing it.

    Being frozen is not that bad.

    The frozen creature fell through the wooden bridge below it and exploded underneath the river.

    Freezing and then exploding isn’t that bad. MSTing this is bad.

    More logs began to float down the river (just like the last time they had been there).

    THIS IS IMPORTANT FOR SOME REASON OMGOMOMGOMOGMOMGOMOMGOMOMGOMOMGOMOMGOMGOMOGMOGMOGMOGMOMSAOMFOMDSFOSMDFDFapplejackisbestponyOMOGMOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMOGMOGMOGMOGMOMGOMGOMGOMG

    Creston managed to cast another holy spell.

    It was a lot easier once he set his hair on fire.

    The wraith became alive once more. Ray ran forward, with Mika on his shoulders.

    …which way was she facing? I don’t get it…

    Mika leaped into the air. As the wraith watched her in confusion,

    He’s not a fan of MikaxRay, those crazy damn shippers are crazy.

    Ray whacked it in the stomach, while Mika shot two aura blasts at the ghost.

    Pew Pew.

    The wraith moved backwards, and stumbled into the wall.

    Which crumbled and fell to reveal Garrett punching himself in the face.

    Mog was being grabbed by the killer bee.

    Fanboys can’t resist Mog.

    "Help…kupo!" he shouted. Nieta heard his plea. She ran over and knocked the killer bee onto the ground with her spear.

    Hit a killer bee with a spear. Seems legit.

    She grabbed and tossed it over to the coeurl. Sam and Star worked together to cast a gravity spell. The bee fell down and crushed the coeurl under its increased weight.

    Gravity, how does it work.

    Sam and Star both shook the headaches from the spells out of their heads.

    Star: Ew! Mine’s icky!
    Sam: Hey, mine’s edible!
    >Sam dies


    Garrett opened his mouth to say something,

    but then he got high.

    but a spear went whizzing past his tufted head.

    And then he got high.

    Looking up with his hot eyes, he saw three lizardmen up on a balcony. One was a mage, one had a sword, but the last one was the most eye-catching: it was gold.

    He is the 1%

    "Looks like I was right!" exclaimed Mika, pointing.
    "Yes," said Creston, nodding. "Let's go get it."

    Gotta Catch’em all.

    The eight caravanners ran up a staircase and met their enemies.

    Then they had a stand-off , exchanged passive-aggressive statements, and cold shoulders. It was the worlds dullest showdown.

    The golden lizardman stood far back, and began to hurl spears.

    All I can see right now is a giant lizard that launches spears at its prey by vomiting. Considering that this is a final fantasy game, it probably happened somewhere.

    "Go for the golden one!" shouted Nieta, dashing forward.
    "Oh crud…," growled the mage. "I think they've figured usss out!"


    Surely, putting the keyholders in golden armor and parading them in front of our enemies and nailing a sign to their faces will throw them off the idea!

    The only reason I can bear to read any of this is because I think of this as a satire.


    "Well then…let'sss not let them take usss out, too!" cried the sword wielding lizard.

    Less inspiring words have never been said. Someone should give this lizard a medal and a kick in the teeth. Then, take the medal away.

    He ran forward, his tail swishing out behind him.

    He whips his tail back and forth.

    Garrett was about to run into the battle when he felt a vicious blow to the side of the head. Spitting out a mouthful of blood, he looked angrily towards the direction the sneak attack had come.

    Suddenly, Stephen Colbert rode into the battlefield with a ice cream scoop and a tub of Americone Dream on the back of Princess Celestia.
    SUGAR just got real.


    The giant lizardman, Snair, stood before him, a large mace in his hand.

    The other lizardmen say he must be compensating for something. He is - he is compensating for the face that smaller maces shatter when he crushes their skulls.

    It took him five hours to come up with that. And to find his male genitalia, you need a microscope.


    He grinned a foul, cruel smile.

    His Dentist would be so proud.

    "Ssshall we sssettle thisss?" he asked, his tongue flicking out to lick his scaly lips.
    Garrett glanced back at the others. They would be fine for right now. The chalice was still around them. Garrett looked forward at his enemy. "Yeah…it's time for this to end, lizard lips! Let's make this end quickly!"

    That insult made Snair question the size of his lips and go on a journey that would lead him to question the nature of the universe, life, and everything, and why everyone kept calling him Arthur Dent.

    "Ssso be it," hissed Snair, lunging forward.

    But first, he wanted to get some donuts.

    Garrett's eyes widened, and for a split second, he was frozen.

    Garrett: FUDGESICLES, I left the iron on.

    Then he managed to leap at of the way as the weapon came down. Twirling his spear, he stabbed it in the ground and flung himself upwards. Flipping in midair, he brought the weapon down at Snair.

    By rule of cool, this should shatter any defense ever.

    Snair managed to block the hit,

    Wat.

    but Garrett twirled in midair once more and landed a blow on the lizardman's shoulder.

    Weak.

    Snair grunted in surprise and pain, and stumbled backwards.
    "Not bad, grasss boy," Snair growled, his cunning smile wiped off his face. "But it'll take a lot more than that to take me down!"

    Like, three blows from a feather! Those things tickle so much, its unbearable, like, oh my god!

    Snair moved again, whipping his mace past Garrett's head. Garrett dodged, but then Snair's tail whacked him.

    Snair would make a great Diva. Whips his tail back and forth and don’t take SUGAR from nobody.

    Garrett tumbled across the ground, and made his way to his feet, shaking his head, groggily.

    Garrett: Oh man! If only that didn’t happen right before this fight!

    "Garrett!" shouted Nieta, dodging an ice attack from the mage lizardman.

    Needless to say, it was rather cold of him. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL-
    …I’ll go hurt myself now…


    "Don't worry about him!" yelled Creston, sending a thunder spell at the sword wielding lizard. The creature let out a choking croak and fell still. "He can handle himself."

    Creston: Especially if that did not happen. Because if whatever I am vaguely referring to may be the very downfall of all of us! Hell, I’m not even sure what I am even talking about!

    Garrett lashed out with his spear again, but Snair blocked it, and thrust his enormous head at Garrett. On sheer impulse, Garrett slammed his head against the reptilian head in front of him.

    Here, I would make a joke about using your head, but that would require me to use my own head. That would hurt, so no thanks.

    Both warriors growled in fury and contempt, as they fought to remain their ground.

    Wat

    But Snair grinned and struck Garrett with a clawed arm. Garrett gasped, but managed to kick Snair with a stubby leg. Snair cried out, and Garrett slammed his head in Snair's neck.
    Snair coughed up dark blood, and moved backwards. The boy hadn't fought this hard in either of their encounters. When did he get so strong?

    He’s been spamming Rare Candies!

    In fact, when did the caravanners get this strong?

    They’ve ALL been taking rare candies!

    They were working flawlessly…seamlessly…

    Witness the power of DRUGS!...and…teamwork…friendship…love, and all that SUGAR…right…

    Ah, that was it! Last time, the lizardman had heard them all bickering and arguing. But when they worked as a team, they were a powerful force to be reckoned with.

    Pff, nope. Only by being a smartass like House can you overcome any problem!

    Snair snarled, swing his mace again. He was in trouble. Even if he killed Garrett, he had seven other caravanners to deal with. This was not good.

    Its was slightly unfavorable, but as a video game mook, he was used to it.

    Garrett ran at him, while Snair thrust his weapon at the Lilty. Garrett ducked and slid under him. Once he was at the monster's belly, he thrust his spear up. Snair screeched as an unimaginable pain washed over him. Blood burst from his stomach, as Garrett rolled around. The Lilty swung his spear.
    WHAM! CRACK!

    Witness the power of friendship, kids. Its bloody, gory, and absolutely lovely!

    Snair howled in fury and pain as he was knocked off of the fortresses walls. He flew down to the earthy ground below. Stumbling, he looked up and glared at Garrett with fear and hatred. He had to get away. The lizardman took a step forward. But his foot only landed on thin air.

    Getting his stomach torn open was a minor issue, easily resolved with a couple plot holes.

    Snair looked down in shock as he lost his balance and plunged into the water below. Gasping for air and splashing about, he tried swimming to the land once more, but a log from the broken bridge fell down and knocked him on the head. There was a low crack, and Snair's eyes bulged. His neck had been broken.

    Yay! Violence!

    Garrett watched in grim silence, as blood surrounded the dying lizardman as he floated downstream. Snair gave him one last look of hate.
    "You'll pay for thisss Garrett!" he shouted. He gagged on some blood welling from his throat. "Jussst sssee. Jussst wait and sssee!"

    Guys, if you ever break your neck, please tell me how it feels.
    Oh wait.


    Garrett turned away, and began to walk back to his friends, who were picking up a key from the golden lizardman's corpse.
    "No…," he said, putting his lance back on his back. "You're done for."
    ________________________________________
    Walking along through the fortress (and battling more of the lizardmen on the way) the gang reached the other side of the area.
    Creston looked around. "Where could that other golden one be?" he questioned aloud.

    Garrett: It would be terrible if here were…there...

    Nieta suddenly started to yell and point. "Guys!" she said. "Up there!"

    Garrett: Oh SUGAR! He is right there!

    The others followed her gesture. They looked up to see a gold lizardman,

    I however, am more interested by the Gay bar the golden lizardman came out of.

    surrounded by four other lizardmen, looking down on them. Mika's eyes narrowed as she saw the lizardman. It had a gash on its face.

    It looked like a stereotypical Mary Sue action anime hero!

    Mika growled. "This one's mine."

    I’ll ship him with every character I know!

    "Hang on," said Lia, cautioning the others. "We can't get near them. Three of them wield spears. If we run up to them, they'll just throw their spears and kill us all mid-run."

    Garrett: Hey, there’s a plan! Charge!

    "So what do we do?" asked Garrett, crossing his arms and hopping from one foot to the other impatiently.
    "Hang on," said Sam. "I'll think of something."

    I just need to fap for a while…

    "Sorry Sam, but you're a little too slow," said Ray. He walked over to a large catapult with some big stones in it.

    A conveniently placed long range weapon and ammo. Whatever could one do with this?!

    "Ray…what are you doing?" asked Sam curiously.

    I’m smacking two things together and making lovey sounds! I love to ship things!

    Ray didn't answer, but struck the catapult with his racket. The rocks went flying into the air, up towards the lizardmen.

    Aww…the fruits of love…

    ((Author's Note: I know they don't go that high in the game. But come on; just pretend.))

    HE BROKE THE RULES! HE BROKE THE RULES!

    The watching lizardmen's eyes widened as the rocks came cascading towards them.

    Oh, so that’s what those things did, cool-

    One lizardman's skull shattered instantly, while another one fell off the wall and onto the ground below. Lia made short work of him with a thunder spell.
    Three lizardmen remained. One was the golden lizardman, and the other two were javelin throwers. Ray and Mika both returned fire, and managed to kill one of the other lizardmen.
    The golden lizardman was angry. "Curssse them!" he hissed malevolently. "I thought after I took care of that Ssselkie girl lassst time, ssshe and the othersss wouldn't be a problem anymore!"

    I vastly underestimated them! What gives!?

    The other lizardman was bewildered. "But how do we take care of them?"
    "I'll figure sssomething out!"

    Maybe we should actually kill them instead of standing here with our thumbs in our asses!

    Meh, that would never work…


    "Watch out!" shouted the normal lizardman. "There'sss an attack heading ssstraight for usss!"
    The golden lizardman's eyes narrowed, as he grabbed his companion, and shoved him in front of him. "Hey! What are you- GACK!" The other reptile's protest was cut short as two aura blasts nailed him in his vitals.

    His heel, the only realistic place for a weak spot. He and Archilles were long lost brothers.

    "I can't afford to give up the key," stated the golden one coldly to his now dead companion. "Sssacrificssesss mussst be made."

    Maybe I should just run away! They would never find me and the door would remain forever locked!

    Mika hopped onto the catapult. "Ray! Send me up there! This guy's gonna pay for what he did to me!"
    "Are you sure?" asked Ray. "You'll be out of the crystal's barrier, and that-"
    "Just do it!" snarled Mika. Ray gave her a quick nod, and kicked the catapult. Mika soared into the air, and aimed her racket.

    When all else fails, launch yourself out of a catapult at your enemies.

    The golden lizardman chuckled. "No attacksss for a while, eh? They mussst've given up. I'm sssafe now- eh?" The spear thrower's amusement turned into confusion as a dark shadow fell over him.
    "Oh no…NO!" shouted the poor monster in fear. Mika's eyes narrowed as he tried to run.
    "I don't think ssso," she said mockingly, firing her shot. The lizardman was hit in the leg as he tried to run down the stairs. He wound up falling down instead. He got up cursing, and growled at the caravanners.

    Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrr

    Star walked over and picked up the key that had fallen off him during the tumble. "We've got both of them now."
    "Why, you blasssted little bratsss!" roared the angry beast. But suddenly, a loud THUMP was heard, and the lizardman fell with the chalice on his head.
    Everyone looked stunned. Mog floated over him. "That's for what you guys did to me last time, kupo!"

    Meanwhile, everyone else choked to death on the miasma! Happy endings all around!

    ________________________________________
    The large golden door opened with a loud creaking noise.

    DDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUR

    Sam grinned.

    That would make a great ringtone.

    "We're in…let's go-," Sam began, but his speech was interrupted by a trumpet blowing.
    "Not again!" shouted Lianora, as lizardmen began to pour over the platforms above.
    "Guys!" shouted Sam. "We'll try and make it under the doors! Whoever has the chalice has to go last."

    I mean, there’s no other way to go! There’s no way for us to get over these chest high walls!

    Star slid under the door with ease, with Sam after her. Lia managed to slip under as well. Just as the rest were about to follow, the door started to come down. Garrett got his foot stuck under the door.

    Our hero.

    "Ack!" he yelped, trying to pull it out. "Help!"
    Lia dashed over from behind the door, trying to help him lift it. But as Garrett's foot came loose, he stumbled, pulling Lia back outside the coliseum with him. The door closed with a loud bang.
    "Shoot," said Creston. Ray swore, and Mika stomped her foot. "We couldn't get in after them. Only Sam and Star managed to get in."
    "Will they be okay, kupo?" asked Mog.
    "Their close enough to the tree and the chalice," stated Nieta. "So they should be fine, right?"

    THEIR?
    OMGOMHOMGOMGOMGOMGOMAOSFHAD:LKFJHLESFHJN:DLKVN:SEIF LSCJ:OASDFUNE OI:FJ:LSDFUHLIUEF SDLKGJF LADNYLAWJFM:DSAFGJ :OASIFDOWDUFNAOIFM:ASLKFUMALUIDF :WLFNU:SADLIFNUYLASKFNDFGHDLSAFASFAERKJAHFC LKAHFMLIUWEHFL KJSL AIEWF AF

    I really hate that error, if you’re confused.


    "That's not what I'm worried about," said Lia fearfully. "I saw the ruler of these foul creatures last time!" She swung her hammer at an oncoming lizardman. "They have a tough battle ahead of them."
    "Come on, guys," said Ray. "Let's hold these punks off until Sam and Star get out!"
    "Let's wish them luck," said Mika softly.

    Well, they’re fucked.
    ________________________________________
    FINALLY! DONE! I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT THIS TOOK FOREVER!

    I agree, this took me forever to do.

    Favorite Parts: Snair vs. Garrett, Catapult Fun,

    Scary, butt fun!

    and Mog's Revenge on the lizardmen.
    So the good guys finally win. Down go the lizardmen.
    Now about Sam and Star going in alone. It's going to be a pattern, y'see?

    I don’t get it.

    When a character couple is going to get their moment, they'll either go into the level alone, or face the boss alone (basically, Sam and Star are going to get together SOON!).

    I don’t get it.

    I guess I'll talk about the reoccurring enemies here (THIS IS GOING TO BE PRESENT IN EVERY CHAPTER WITH A REOCCURING ENEMY). I'll start with Zesall and Raust. Both of them were in Veo Lu, but escaped. Zesall died after being stabbed for blowing the trumpet. I killed him off because I wanted the Tipa caravan to have one small victory in the Defeat chapter. Zesall was used for that.

    I don’t get it.

    Next is Raust. Raust I like better, because he is definitely the more sinister of the two (although originally it was the other way around). RAUST IS NOT DEAD YET!

    [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGFXGwHsD_ANo, he’s not dead yet, he can dance and he can sing.[/url]

    He has yet to appear again, however. But you can expect him next chapter.
    Lastly is Snair. Possibly my favorite reoccurring villain/enemy (although Gremmy and the skeleton crew are up there). Snair is a GIANT lizardman because I wanted variation. Snair was in Selepation Cave, mentioned by name once, and then knocked over a cliff. I like Snair because he really is dastardly (his comment to Garrett on eating his companions to survive).

    Yay, cannibalism!

    However, I killed off Snair because I wanted to have an epic battle between a lizardman and a caravanner. Both Zesall and Raust have small deaths. SNAIR IS DEAD! He did not survive, BUT he will show up again. Let's just say he's going to make a cameo in a later level. Some fans will figure it out if they squint.
    That's pretty much it.
    Next Chapter: Sam and Star are trapped alone in the coliseum of Daemon's Court, facing off against the mighty Lizardman King.

    Sam: You know, we’re alone in here…
    Star: I put on my robe and wizard hat.


    But will they suffer a second defeat at the hands of these reptilian creatures?
    Mog: My turn to request a review! Yay! So review, kupo! Do it!

    What have I gotten myself back into?


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    Re: MST- Tipa's Crystal Chronicles by Dark Amphithere

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      Current date/time is Thu Mar 21, 2019 4:56 pm